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Monday, January 21, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli is unhappy in Toronto

"No Roquefort at halftime? Savages!"

It just wouldn't be a Toronto FC training camp without a little bit of the amateur dramatics. Despite the best efforts of the new regime to try and promote a "new direction" (much different than the last seven new directions) and a harmonious camp, it seems as if one of TFC's star attractions in très malheureux. Oui, "DP" striker Eric Hassli - he of a handsomely paid 15 goals over two seasons - is reportedly unenthusiastic over a return to TFC in 2013 and has been dragging le feet en route to training camp. While it is no secret that "Le Sulk II" was a loyal SubMariner, his increasingly public pouting is unfortunate on a goal-thin team. Obviously his reasons for being so Gallicly woelicious must be deep... but why?
11. He simply misses the overwhelming French culture and je ne sais quoi of suburban Vancouver, British Columbia
10. Sick of conservative Torontonians and their Neo-Protestant obsession with daily bathing
9. A patriotic Frenchman could never work for a manager so adverse to surrender
8. Locals always giggle over his fancy pronunciation of "Roncesvalles"
7. Terry Dunfield's grating French accent is laced with the barbaric rural grunts of the Poitou-Charentes region rather than the cultured tones of a gentleman of the Auvergne or Picardy regions
6. Sick of this city and its lack of appreciation for the legendary Laurent Robert
5. Disgusted that Downsview Air Base is completely bereft of jaunty 19th Century Parisian hot air balloons
4. Being around Paul Mariner always made him feel like he was dressed in formal attire
3. Sneaking suspicion that the club's German captain has an eye on invading his locker
2. The CN Tower keeps mocking the Eiffel Tower
1. Being "Les Miserables" is so hot right now!

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