Fait accompli... Hassli deal confirmed

Time to bite a new badge monsieur



The worst kept secret in MLS is officially out. As was pretty much announced over Twitter on Friday evening by FC Dallas, the Texan side has grabbed Eric Hassli from Toronto FC for a conditional 2nd Round Draft Pick in 2014. While that doesn't quite make up for the short-sighted gifting of TFC's 1st Round Pick to Vancouver in the first place, it sounds possible that Toronto could get a better deal if Hassli plays well in Dallas. "If Eric has a productive year for Dallas the consideration paid to us will be greater" said TFC President Kevin Payne but as in all MLS deals - the details, including who eats what salary, are shrouded in a cloak of secrecy.
　
The deal will polarize some in TFC supporting world along the same lines as those pro-Payne and pro-Mariner but the return on the trade isn't the main factor going forward. The pick in return is a side dish for what Kevin Payne truly sought - flexibility with salaries in 2013 and the shedding of a DP contract with the remaining ability to shed one more if desired. The deal of course was not a one-sided affair as the player himself made it clear that he no longer wanted to be in Toronto. This one may go down as mutually beneficial.
　
Now that the Hassli book is closed and all of the "thanks for your contributions" have been delivered, the real test for Kevin Payne, as well as the glare from supporters, begins in earnest. As of this moment, Justin Braun is the only professionally experienced striker on the squad - and that is not a good situation. With camp underway and less than a month to go before the season begins, Payne must deliver on attacking additions, both midfield and forward, and deliver very quickly if he doesn't want to sabotage his new manager's early career.

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli's trade to FC Dallas was delayed

Order your FC Dallas 2013 away kit now!



The worst-kept transfer secret in MLS is still a secret (EDIT: Yes we know now - see above. Thanks a lot official confirmation timing)... despite official Twitter releases and interviews on Major League Soccer's official website. At press time (yes, I referred to this site as "press". My mum made me a card that says 'PRESS' on it which I stuck in a Joey Jeremiah fedora... and I can do a mean 1930's newsie voice... "see?") no official confirmation has been released but it seems 99.9% sure that Eric Hassli is on his way to FC Dallas. Now most of us are used to MLS' taking 3-8 weeks to approve a deal that doesn't involve New York or Los Angeles but this one is getting silly. What is taking so long to cross those "i's" and dot those "t's"? "It's off the trolley I tells ya!"
　
11. Hassli requesting that all of Brek Shea's leftover hairstyling products be moved to his new locker upon arrival
　
10. The Greater Dallas Area Tattoo Association needs a week to stock up on ink
　
9. Hassli and wife waiting to see how the new "Dallas" handles the passing of Larry "JR" Hagman before agreeing on deal
　
8. Waiting for confidante Paul Mariner's Dallas-bound DP blessing to go" bask in the sun on a playoff-bound team"
　
7. Demanding a 1960's Citroen 2CV as company car
　
6. Kevin Payne and Schellas Hyndman meeting in a Texan honky tonk bar for "Over The Top" style arm wrestling face-off for cap room
　
5. FC Dallas mascot Tex Hooper needs time to work on hilarious new Parisian mime routine
　
4. Negotiating lucrative "Circus Shot Bonus"
　
3. FC Dallas yet to agree on changing kit to stereotypical Frenchman black-and-white hoops
　
2. Hassli demanding that Dallas defender George John legally changes his name to Jean-Georges
　
1. FC Dallas wants exclusive rights to all future ill-advised Toronto FC DP signings

Quelle surprise! Hassli pour The Hoops?

Ah, the Frisco nightlife would suit the L'Hassli

Either this deal is done or the FC Dallas' front office will be getting emails RE: Tampering very soon. Earlier this evening, courtesy of the Queen's Park Texas Rangers Twitter account, this little nugget was dropped...

NEWS: #FCDallas is in talks with Toronto FC and close to finalizing a deal to bring Eric Hassli to Dallas.
— FC Dallas (@FCDallas) February 1, 2013

The rumours about Eric Hassli's tres miserables feelings (and his wife's geography concerns) since Paul Mariner's dismissal from TFC have been rampant but few saw this possibility coming. If the tweet is to believed (and it kind of has to be) then FC Dallas has once again become the place where TFC sends its DP's that were bought without thinking. Hassli, he of the lumbering trot and numerous attempts at circus shots, clearly does not want to continue in Toronto and you get the vibe from Kevin Payne that the feeling is very, very mutual.

The fact that Hassli looks likely to move is no shock. This despite his heart-warming answer when asked on TFC Media Day if he is happy in Toronto - his reply "...................... (pause for dramatic Gallic effect) .................. yeah." Tres bien monsieur! No the shock will be if TFC can get away with getting anything in return and not having to eat too much of his bloated and short-sightedly renewed contract.

For Kevin Payne and the club going forward, Hassli's departure would aid them greatly simply in salary flexibility and an open international slot not to mention still allowing them the ability to cut a remaining DP. Yes, in the end giving away a (likely high) 1st Round Pick to our "pals" in Vancouver for a few underwhelming appearances will hurt but it's too late to cry over bone-headed milk. In the road forward, it is just another casualty in a desperately needed cull.

More news when anything become l'official.... or that kid who runs the FC Dallas Twitter account gets jumpy again...



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Payne management

"It's good to talk..."



With just a few days before The Reds go all snowbird and head down to Orlando ("WHOOO! SPRING BREAK!"), Kevin Payne took time away from packing his mesh "Daytona Beach '84" tank-tops to hold a round-table discussion with some members of the mainstream Toronto football media. The boss of all things Eff Cee seemed to be in "line drawn in sand" mode which may or may not be a beach metaphor. Here's a few of K-Payne's phat rhymes...
　
ON THE KIDS:
- Some TFC Academy players will be invited to join the first team down in Florida due to some early "impressive performances".
- No word if they will be allowed any beachside hijinks with locals much like in the 1983 seminal theatrical spring break opus... "Spring Break"
　
ON NEW SIGNINGS:
- TFC are "looking almost exclusively south" for new players adding that European targets are "overpriced"
- Somewhere Mikael Yourassowsky said "WTF man?!"
- Did not get into any type of financial conversation about the Greek Debt Crisis or the falling value of the Euro over the Honduran Lempira
- Club is hoping to announce new signing this week or early next week but warned "it has been a complex deal"
- Possibly related, possibly not, but definitely complex, Payne dropped that "Peralta deal is not dead"
- In addition to the above 'imminent deal' the club is also working on 3 further deals with attacking players preferably under the age of 27.
　
ON THE MONEYZ:
- Claimed that the business side of TFC was in "great shape"
- Thousands of TFC supporters rolled their eyes in unison
- Ryan Nelsen was awarded a three-year contract
　
ON FITNESS:
- "Very disappointed" that "many players showed up unfit" and that "1 or 2 were not even close to being fit"
- Sternly stated "that won't happen again"
　
ON THE DP'S:
- When asked about Torsten Frings, Payne stated "he's deserving of every opportunity to prove he can still do the job" but then quickly added that the German is not in full training yet.
- Claimed that there are "no discussions yet to buy (Frings) out"
- Journalists likely safe to put "yet" in all caps
- Payne was clear that "buying out a DP is an option". Clubs may only do this once a year if you were hoping to hear that Frings, Hassli and Koevermans were all on a bus to Pearson.
- Rather randomly dropped that "the jury is out on Hassli". Not sure what the Frenchman is charged with but it sounds ominous in a 12 Angry Men kind of way
- When asked if it was explained to him why Hassli's contract was renewed a week before he was hired, Payne paused and wryly said "No."
- Somewhere Paul Mariner's ears started to burn.
- Unsurprising to most, Danny Koevermans won't likely be ready to play until the end of June at the earliest. His form would likely be found a month or two after that.
- As if wanting to end things with a big asterisk, Payne let it be known that the 3 DP's along with Darren O'Dea and Richard Eckersley eat up a "very, very large percentage of the salary cap"... so see you this time next year?
　
IN PARTING:
- First home fixture now solidly scheduled for SkyDome on March 9 at 1:30 PM. Get your thundersticks now!
- Payne may or may not have put on mesh "Daytona Beach '84" tank-top and strapped surfboard on top of Studebaker station wagon with Florida plates and peeled out of BMO Field parking lot.

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli is unhappy in Toronto

"No Roquefort at halftime? Savages!"



It just wouldn't be a Toronto FC training camp without a little bit of the amateur dramatics. Despite the best efforts of the new regime to try and promote a "new direction" (much different than the last seven new directions) and a harmonious camp, it seems as if one of TFC's star attractions in très malheureux. Oui, "DP" striker Eric Hassli - he of a handsomely paid 15 goals over two seasons - is reportedly unenthusiastic over a return to TFC in 2013 and has been dragging le feet en route to training camp. While it is no secret that "Le Sulk II" was a loyal SubMariner, his increasingly public pouting is unfortunate on a goal-thin team. Obviously his reasons for being so Gallicly woelicious must be deep... but why?
　
11. He simply misses the overwhelming French culture and je ne sais quoi of suburban Vancouver, British Columbia
　
10. Sick of conservative Torontonians and their Neo-Protestant obsession with daily bathing
　
9. A patriotic Frenchman could never work for a manager so adverse to surrender
　
8. Locals always giggle over his fancy pronunciation of "Roncesvalles"
　
7. Terry Dunfield's grating French accent is laced with the barbaric rural grunts of the Poitou-Charentes region rather than the cultured tones of a gentleman of the Auvergne or Picardy regions
　
6. Sick of this city and its lack of appreciation for the legendary Laurent Robert
　
5. Disgusted that Downsview Air Base is completely bereft of jaunty 19th Century Parisian hot air balloons
　
4. Being around Paul Mariner always made him feel like he was dressed in formal attire
　
3. Sneaking suspicion that the club's German captain has an eye on invading his locker
　
2. The CN Tower keeps mocking the Eiffel Tower
　
1. Being "Les Miserables" is so hot right now!

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Pitching a tent for 2013

Official red long underwear with giant, strategically-place maple leaf? Yup. Backpack full of guarded optimism? Check. Stale buttys to throw at any roaming bears/Collin Samuels? Packed. English-New Zealish Dictionary? On order.

Yes it' s the only return to sporting action anyone is talking about in Canada tonight as your Tee Eff Cee'ers trudged through the tundra to "Camp Shining Light". Relocated from its old lakeshore site, "Shining Light" (located in the middle of a creepy abandoned and no doubt haunted air field) will be the home base for the campers until they make their road trip to Florida.

For our readers who can't sit by the fire waiting for the latest scary story about ghosts of managers past, the "Letters From Camp" series will try to wrap up the latest news, rumours and tidbits from the Kiwi Jamboree. Now pass us those buttys... I heard a distinctly Trinidadian growl...

NILSIN NOT YIT PRISINT
The on-going tale of a Kiwi far, far away is going to dominate much of the conversation through camp and the fact that Ryan Nelsen played another full 90 for QPR on the day that his new charges arrived for camp hit the point home hard today. As the anxious wrung their sweaty palms and the cynical Marinerlytes loaded their mouth-cannons, the announcers during the West Ham v QPR match casually talked about how Nelsen would be with QPR until March. Inside knowledge or an educated guess? Who knows? However, during an interview with Sportsnet's Gerry Dobson, Kevin Payne remarked that "we (TFC) have a pretty good idea when (Nelsen) will arrive". He added that he felt fans would be pleased, and you get the feeling that it will be sooner rather than later, but also that the season won't feel "for realsies" until Nelsen touches down permanently.

THE CRAZY CANUCKS
The Canadian national squad's minor youth movement definitely has a heavy TFC influence as no less than five Reds will be headed down to Arizona and Texas to train with Colin Miller's team until January 30. Ashtone Morgan, Matt Stinson, Doneil Henry, SuperDraft sweetheart Kyle Bekker have all been called up as well as old man Terry Dunfield who will be driving the station wagon down south. We assume. The only important result from a Toronto point of view? No injuries.

OU EST LE SULK?
The TFC press machine was in fine form this morn tweeting TMZ-style paparazzo pics of happy Reds arriving at the KIA Training Ground. Thankfully no Richard Eckersley upskirt pics. One face who didn't skip through the door was French striker/ ink junkie Eric Hassli who has reportedly gone into "Full Anelka Mode" and wants out of town. There is no secret that Hassli was very close to Paul Mariner and was excited to play under him. There is also no secret that Kevin Payne will not be talking le guff from Hassli and has warned of "repercussions" if the big forward doesn't show. According to the club however, Hassli is expected to show up to Downsview sometime Saturday or Sunday. No matter what, this story is far from l'over.

SHUFFLERS OF CATAN
A bit of positive news on the Danny Koevermans front. First, his front isn't an issue. As opposed to years past where... well just let's say the pancakes prevailed... Koevermans is looking trim. A winter spent in godless Dutch honey-cake-free Canada obviously help cut the cravings. The other slight positive is that Koef has begun light running in his long path back from his ACL injury. Light running to goal-scoring is likely a six-month process, but it's a start.

"LIKE A BOU-SO"
Yes we will all just end up calling him "Boss" because we are lazy but young defender and lottery prize Gale Agbossoumonde took to the airwaves (well TFC's YouTube channel) to teach us just how to pronounce his name in full. It's actually still pretty fun too! You hear that Keith "It's Not Boo-Yah" Makubuya? Practice here.

Hassli to return as DP? Local tattoo parlours prepare for big year

Less of that in 2013 please Monsieur



Stocks rose in both the neck ink and red card markets on the TSE this afternoon after the Toronto Sun's Kurt Larson tweeted the following: "CONFIRMED: Eric Hassli will be back with #TFC as a DP to start 2013." While yet to be confirmed by the club, the return of the burly Frenchman would hardly be a shock but his wage may raise a few eyebrows.
　
Most TFC supporters are fine with the idea of Hassli's return but would balk at using a DP slot on the 31-year old. Perhaps if his arrival in Toronto hadn't been blemished by an injury-filled stutter-start, people would have fewer problems with him taking a Designated slot but rightly or wrongly - there is a feeling in TFCLand that Hassli is past his best and likely to continue to fight injuries. However, when it comes down to it, Hassli returning as a non-DP would have been at a wage very close to the DP exemption so the only loss is the slot itself. Whether you feel that a better DP is available for TFC - and if they are capable of identifying and acquiring said DP - is down to a matter of opinion.
　
Hassli's proposed return is possibly telling on a couple of fronts regarding TFC's braintrust. You can surmise that there is unease at the reliability of a returning Danny Koevermans thus making the presence of an established striker, ready in March, a necessity at any price. For the cynics, there may be a feeling that TFC's less than stellar scouting community can't be relied upon to find better than Hassli and also that there is a need for the striker to return in order to justify Mariner & Co.’s gifting of a 1st Round Pick to Vancouver. At the other end of the spectrum, the more optimistic will laud some stability in the line-up and the preservation of an MLS-proven striker who undoubtedly wants to succeed in Toronto. Either way, DP signings do not make or break a team in this league and it will be the addition of squad depth which will most decide TFC's fate next season.

Balls of String: Stories to watch as Toronto FC plays out a lost season

"Today's attendance is 19,575... thank you fans"



Getting casual fans to watch TFC matches when times were good... well at least fun.... was a challenge. Now, as yet another season enters the "playing for next year" phase, even getting the most ardent supporters interested grows harder. For those of you who know they are addicted to this club and will be back next year despite 2012, finding a reason to watch a futile string of matches may be frustrating. So, if you need more reasons to watch a match aside from hearing Thomas Rongen's Dutch "donkey hitting his foot on a rock" analogy - here are some stories that you can keep your eye on...
　
FRINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE
When we last heard, the club whispered under its breath that club captain Torsten Frings had suffered a hip injury and had headed back to Deutschland to visit some BundesDoctors. The wording seemed to hint that Frings may be shut down for the year and if that is the case - is it unreasonable to think that TFC may cut ties with the Bavarian talisman? Frings has definitely lost a step this season (possibly due to injury) but with only a year left on the pricey 35-year old, will the club look in a different direction? Also see: Danny Koevermans
NOW UPDATED WITH 50% MORE HORRIBLE TRUTH (HERE)
　
EL MILAGRO DE LA CONCACAF
Most sane Reds supporters would concede that TFC's 3-1 loss to Santos Laguna at BMO Field all but ends the club's quest to progress in Champions League. While all signs point to "no way Jose", could TFC pull out a miraculous double of victories in Mexico and El Salvador AND get help to steal their CCL Group?
　
4-4-?
While not exactly blessed with a plethora of football knowledge in his starting eleven, Paul Mariner's tactics as manager have been described (sometimes fairly, sometimes not) as "dump and chase" or "hoof ball". Decried as a relic of 1960's English football, the style has even drawn mocking from opponents and without the scoring prowess of Danny Koevermans has not been effective. Will Mariner try to massage a little more "football" into his soccer in an attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff in his squad?
　
THAT ONE'S A KEEPER
It seems pretty evident that a TFC keeper is being frozen. No, not by an opponent from the penalty spot but by the coaching staff. After Stefan Frei went down with a major injury, Milos Kocic became the defacto # 1 but recently he has been replaced by very raw Bermudian Freddy Hall. Is Kocic's benching a sign that his TFC days are numbered and is Frei headed back to his place as The Reds' main man in goal for 2013?
　
END OF THE ROAD?
We may only see them if garbage minutes allow but it would seem as if 2012 may mark the end for a few old faces. Adrian Cann and Ty Harden have been phantoms (even when not injured) and do not seem to fit into Mariner's plans while other names such as Eric Avila have been surprising in their omissions. More than a few Reds may be down to their last few weeks with the club.
　
PETER OUT OR "PAUL" UP?
The on-field performance lately has been far from inspiring. Lack of talent is one thing but coming out flat is just downright infuriating for fans to watch. With little to play for except clichés, will we see a scrappy TFC inspired by their manager - or, will heads and effort levels drop in unison as other teams prepare for the playoffs?
　
CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE?
Will the blend of injuries and general lack of talent on the club allow Paul Mariner to "audition" the younger members of the team for 2013? While a few veterans will be necessary to give the appearance of "trying" to win, the remaining fixtures may be an opportunity to see what youngsters can really cut it at the MLS level. While the likes of Ashtone Morgan and Luis Silva have solidified a future, names like Aaron Maund, Quincy Amarikwa, Matt Stinson and Logan Emory still need to show they have the consistency to demand a salary next year.
　
BIT OF A HASSLI
The imposing Frenchman avec le tattoos du neck was brought over to TFC as something of a panic buy after Danny Koevermans went down for the season and beyond. As far as panic buys go, he's a fairly good one - despite likely being able to snatch him for free at the end of 2012 if the injury hadn't forced Mariner's hand. However, Hassli has yet to find any consistency and has been far from the replacement needed up top. The Reds once again find themselves desperate for a consistent goalscorer but will Hassli find the form in the last few weeks of 2012 to warrant his pricey return?
　
TICKETS! WHO NEEDS 'EM, WHO WANTS "EM?
Oh to be a TFC Season Ticket Rep over the next few months. Not an enviable task. Through no fault of their own (except guilt by association), these poor souls will have to convince TFC season ticket holders to hand over wads of cash for yet another season that is yet to hold promise of much different. Many Day One ticket holders are finally calling it a day and casual support is bleeding on a weekly basis. Will MLSE have the Saputo-prodded smarts to lower season tickets across the board? GASP! Will they freeze ticket prices once again? Can they offer anything to the long-abused to avoid TFC matches from resembling FC Dallas matches? This is a question that only time will tell.
　
C.O.-OH NO!
The inevitable coronation of Tom Anselmi to MLSE's COO (aka head virgin sacrificer) will have many TFC supporters rolling their eyes. How a man so directly involved with the slaying of a golden goose is exalted to one of North America's highest sports management positions is beyond us, but hey. Maple Leafs and Raptors fans are suddenly screaming that "the sky is falling", but to them we say... "you are absolutely right". Welcome to our world. From a TFC slant, it will be interesting to see if Anselmi continues his iron grip over the club or if in a move of appeasement, an actual football man (not looking at you Earl Cochrane or Jim Brennan) is put into place as a TFC "President". Either that or the new owners move the Argos into BMO, get us a fluffy mascot, thundersticks and the TFC City Dancers. Whatevs.

THE STARTING 11: Reasons for Eric Hassli's delayed arrival in Toronto

You should see Mariner's back tats!

You can forgive Toronto FC supporters for expecting a bit more of a dog-and-pony show around the capture of Eric Hassli. It was downright out of character for MLSE not to spend every waking second promoting the life out of a new marquee name... but it has all been relatively docile. After a late-week arrival in the city that began pushing Carlos Ruiz levels of patience, the big Frenchman gave a very basic presser before once again drifting into the club's background. Injuries and relocation are the most obvious reasons for the volatile new striker's delay but were there other factors involved?

11. Red carded during phone call to inform him of trade

10. Spent a full day trying to figure out where Toronto's mountains were located

9. Was on "the hunt" for TFC's new centreback

8. Red carded in cab on way to Vancouver airport

7. Had to wait for the perfect moment to fulfill life-long goal of punching Darren Mattocks in the back of the head

6. Had to deal with strange online messages from a "Koef14" challenging him to a Settlers of Catan showdown

5. Red carded during airport security screening

4. No one leaves a Bobby Lenarduzzi "Bon Voyage Bender" for at least three days

3. Getting a life-size tattoo of Paul Mariner's face on your back doesn't happen overnight!

2. Red carded during in-flight film

1. Was translating "If you can't beat 'em', join 'em" into French

Hassli Now a Robin!

Nom nom nom nom.

In a move that could be described as "huh? really? that's happening?" and properly reacted to as "yeah, it happened", Eric Hassli, formerly of the Vancouver Whitecaps, has been traded for Toronto for the first round pick of the 2014 SuperDraft.

The Up Side : The man is a game changer who can materialize brilliance out of nothing, as seen here in Exhibit A and Exhibit B.  Last season, he nabbed 10 goals for Vancouver and this season he's got 2.  He can be quite the impact player, which is DeRo-esque... more like DeRo Light.

The Down Side : He can be a pain in the ass.  His discipline record is staggering accumulating 14 yellows and 3 reds in a span of 44 games.

Excitement : Hell yeah, I mean why not?!

The move seems like convenience for everyone, including Hassli.  Toronto need a striker.  Vancouver has been doing just fine with Darren Mattocks up front, so having a designated player on the bench is just a waste of resources and talent.  And he wants to play.

If Hassli can play with some passion without losing his mind, he will become a favourite.  Credit to Mariner and Co. for delivering someone with a decent resume with such a small amount of time remaining in the transfer window.

And if he can deliver a screamer goal like the links above, knowing the supporters, he'll become a legend.

Fun fact : Vancouver supporters never sang his name every 12th minute of every game for the first goal ever scored by the club.  Who does that, am I right?