Freedom Frei - Reds deal stalwart goalkeeper to Seattle Sounders

He looked like this a lot



It's hard to be a "long-term" TFC player. At a club where the only constant is change, Stefan Frei's 99 appearances in all competitions for TFC is far from ordinary. Yet still, despite the inevitability of today's deal, he is yet another Red leaving under the cloud of "it should have ended differently".

Toronto FC made the prompt yet unsurprising announcement this afternoon that Frei's rights have indeed been dealt to Seattle Sounders in exchange for a conditional 2015 first-round MLS SuperDraft pick. Frei is now eligible to work out a deal with the Cascadia giant. No, not Bigfoot.

Frei's time in Toronto will always be looked back at with difficulty. Through no fault of his own he stewarded the goal behind a succession of very poor teams and did yeoman's work of the job. Simultaneously, he also seemed to suffer from a voodoo-like curse of bad injury luck which saw his time in goal halted. The latest, a boot to the face in pre-season saw him benched just long enough for Joe Bendik to come in and do a solid enough job to steal the # 1 role.

With Bendik's emergence as a solid-enough MLS'er and Stefan Frei's higher wage, the choice was made by Ryan Nelsen & Co. to proceed with a future that didn't include the Swiss keeper. Acquiring Chris Konopka as the heir apparent # 2 sealed the deal.

His final year in Toronto will not be one filled with great memories but Stefan Frei will be very fondly remembered as a straight-up good egg at TFC and one of the few faces supporters were familiar with. He will most likely return in good form wearing the neon hues of Sounders but will always be Red to many here. It should have ended differently.

"That's what he said..." Reds offer a few final words on 2013 and beyond

"The end is nigh! Which is Kiwi for 'now'."

 

Like an Irish wake - but without the good times and whiskey - TFC held their annual "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Playoffs" press conference today. The jolly event is a yearly tradition where the few players who know they are coming back next season wax lyrical about how f*cking awesome TFC is while those who are being shot into the vacuum of space burn as many bridges as the mic can handle.

As with many controlled professional sports pressers, it is often as much about what is NOT said as what is actually mumbled to the ink-stained/digital-stained assembled wretches. Luckily for you, The Yorkies always keep a phalanx of psychoanalysts, mystics, shamen and Sasquatch on staff so that we can bring you what other outlets can't. So enjoy what was "actually said" (in boring layperson font) by TFC players and staff, as well as "what we heard" (in magical italics) through the power of a Ouija board bought from a toy store, a bucket of chicken bones (last night's KFC) and an Enigma record playing on loop. Set voodoo to stun...

 

RICHARD ECKERSLEY:

- "Fans have been fantastic... could be one of the best clubs to play for in MLS"

- "Summer football and SPF 90 just isn't easy"

- "It's clear I won't be here next season"

- "Why does FIFA ignore New Zealanders' systemic hatred for the English?"

JOE BENDIK:

- "I'm pretty sure I'll make more money next year"

- "Super Pickle is puttin' it on cruise control in 2014. Dill with it."

 

ANDREW WIEDEMAN:

- "If I'm here, I'm here. If I'm not, I'm not"

- "I'm a pretty, pretty man"

BOBBY CONVEY:

- "We have good young players but we've had way too much turnover here"

- "The turnover is a really underrated pastry"

- (On Ryan Nelsen) "He inherited players he wouldn't have signed"

- "How is Reggie Lambe a thing?"

- "If I'm not back that will be a surprise to me"

JONATHAN OSORIO

- "At the start of the season I was just a boy looking for playing time. Now I want to be among the best midfielders in MLS"

- "I wonder what TFC will get for me when they trade me to San Jose in January?"

 

MATIAS LABA
- "I expect to be 100% fit for next season..."

- "I will return to Argentina next week, grow a handlebar moustache, change my name and never return to this place. Adios"

MARK BLOOM

- "I hope to be back next season"

- "I am going to be the opening day starter next season"

 

ROBERT EARNSHAW

- "Must think of something good to say..."

- "TFC facilities are among the best in the world"

- "Have to try to sound hopeful..."

- "I see the light at the end of the tunnel here"

- "MLS is quicker, more technical than I thought it would be"

- "I was napping between April and October"

 

STEFAN FREI

- "I want to be part of a team where my services are needed and wanted"

- "I want to join any team that bites this one in the ass"

- "Love the city and the club. Always a special place for me"

- "Too bad the Canadian government has a lenient New Zealander immigration policy"

- "I didn't ask for a trade"

- "Shove a Toblerone where the sun don't shine Nelsen"

 

DANNY KOEVERMANS

- "2013 was a disaster for me"

- "I'm sure I smell waffles..."

- "I almost had a mental breakdown..."

- "McDonalds only sells Hot Cakes & Sausage until 10:30AM!"

- "I'm giving my career one last shot"

- "Never tell them that my 'calf injury' was from trying to eat an actual calf"

- "Poor communication from the coaching staff..."

- "There's the waffles!"

 

STEVEN CALDWELL

- "I love everything about the club. I'm proud to be captain."

- "I fully expect to be playing for Scunthorpe in a year"

- "We need 3-5 new guys"

- "We need 35 new guys"

 

RYAN NELSEN

- "I'll hold my hand up and try and talk to players. My door is open."

- "... after band meeting"

- "No major changes, just adding players who will make us stronger"

- "QPR reserves, USL-Pro and Swiss 3rd Division you are on notice"

- "No loan deals next year"

- "Why buy the cow when Justin Braun is free?"

- "btw Convey is going to be surprised"

- "I know what's right and I only have the team's interests in mind"

- "I'm very good at my job"

 

TIM BEZBATCHENKO

- "It is difficult to attract DP's, but not impossible"

- "Mista is available"

- "I want to decide on who is staying and who is going in two weeks’ time"

- "You'll be hearing from me on February 20th"

- "Nelsen is the right guy..."

- "... until June."



AFTER 90: "It's purely Stefual"

"HE'S ALIVE!"

CHICAGO VS. TORONTO
TOYOTA PARK

FIRST HALF:
KICK OFF - Much like suburban Chicago teens Garry and Wyatt, we sit by our computer generally disillusioned with how things have turned out. Just replace teen angst and raging hormones with TFC angst and raging... well, rage. We tried hooking up our computer cables to a Diego Maradona action figure, an MLS matchday program from 2009 and a David Lee Roth video in an attempt to create a DP out of thin air but all that happened was Joe Bendik got suspended and we get one last shower with Stefan Frei. Does anyone know how to get a nuclear warhead out of a living room?

1' - "So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?"
5' - Robert Earnshaw skies a sitter over the bar. The scoring equivalent to taking a shower in your trousers.
7' - Stefan Frei, apparently some new Swiss goalkeeper, looking very sharp in both saves and distribution. Looks like he has a future. FREIENCE!
12' - Tim "Wyatt" Leiweke: But it's not so bad. We can hear the playoffs.
Tim "Garry" Bezbatchenko: [sarcastically] We can hear the playoffs, that's great. Maybe if we put our noses to the door, we can smell the DP's!
25' - Mike Magee: Tell me something. What's a Swiss dude like you doing with malakas like these? Huh?
Stefan Frei: It's purely temporary.
Magee: No shit.
Steven Caldwell: He's into malakas, Mike!
Magee: He's into malakas"! Do you believe that?
28' - Earnshaw goal disallowed - much like any contract renewal should be.
33' - Frei with another solid bit of positioning. FREIENCE!
40' - Reggie Lambe needs to drop and give us 50 at Shermer High. Permanently.
44' - Ryan Nelsen: [on halftime preparations] You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic MLS orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of dozen bad footballers running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.

HALFTIME: CHICAGO 0 - TORONTO 0

To the showers...

SECOND HALF:
45' - TFC starts the 2nd Half trying to avoid having slushees poured on their heads from the upper level of Toyota Park
50' - Don Garber: You had to be big shots didn't you. You had to show off. When are you gonna learn that people will like you for winning football, not for halftime stupidity and DP promises. Well, in your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.
Tim "Wyatt" Leiweke: We forgot to build an actual team.
Don Garber: You forgot to build an actual team.
58' - Bright Dike the only one who may possibly gate-crash this mutant-filled house party
64' - PENALTY: Jonathan Osorio gets called for a dodgy handball in the box. Mike "Tits" Magee takes the spot-kick and scores - GOAL
CHICAGO 1 - TORONTO 0
65' - Ryan Nelsen: [to referee Edvin Jurisevic] Just for that I ought to give you a set of elephant balls!
70' - Alvaro Rey growing on us like a Chet boil after almost beating Fire keeper Sean Johnson
73' - SUB: Robert Earnshaw OFF / Andrew Wiedeman ON
74' - Fran O'Leary: This is an Andrew Wiedeman!
Ryan Nelsen: I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey!
83' - SUB: Bright Dike OFF / Justin Braun ON
90' - Don Garber: Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your supporters' only outlet is tossing off to FourFourTwo magazine in the bathroom?
Tim Leiweke: Oh supporters! Oh my God!
TFC supporters: Tim, we never tossed off to anything!
Tim Leiweke: You told me you were buying a butty!
TFC supporters: We were! We were!
90'+ - FREIENCE!　

FULL TIME: CHICAGO 1 - TORONTO 0

PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Mark Bloom 6 / Steven Caldwell 6 / Doneil Henry 5.5 / Ashtone Morgan 5.5 / Alvaro Rey 6.5 / Jonathan Osorio 5.5 / Kyle Bekker 5 / Reggie Lambe 5 / Bright Dike 5.5 (Justin Braun N/A ) / Robert Earnshaw 5 (Andrew Wiedeman 4) 　

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Stefan Frei. Because it's the last time we get to do that. 　

THE BATH:
Well ironically it took a bit of "weird science" for Chicago to get the match's only goal in the form of a phantom hand ball off of Osorio. In general, a poor version of a football match with entertaining bits few and far between. You know, like the "Weird Science" TV series.

For those of you getting your jollies from Montreal hanging on to the last playoff spot by le fingertips, the result doesn't hurt your pettiness. We need something after all no? The match also did much to highlight that as teams like Montreal and Chicago struggle to go further into the season, TFC is still a million miles away from competing with quality teams in this league. Not two DP's away.

Finally, a likely goodbye to TFC stalwart and all-round top chap Stefan Frei. We may never get the pleasure of seeing him in a TFC kit again but he should be remembered fondly for being a good egg while being bombarded in goal like a dodgeball player since joining the club. You're a bigger man than me Stefan, after TFC's class-free handling of you this year, I would have picked up a "Dutch calf injury" on Thursday - but you love this club. Wish they'd done the same back to you this year. Danke.


Tim and Tim set their DP plan in motion...

THE MATCHUP: Requiem for a Goalblerone

Bye, bye mon Swiss cowboy

 

CHICAGO VS. TORONTO

TOYOTA PARK - SATURDAY 8:30PM ET

TV: TSN 2

THE KICKABOUT:

Yo Scottie! Run the triangle! (What's up Chicago?)

Ah the cherished late-season role of "spoiler". The solace of the eternal underachiever. "If we can't have nice things then why should you?!" Then you blow a raspberry. The question is: how can something like TFC that is long spoilt (in the sell-by-date sense) truly be handed such responsibility? Let's face it, TFC couldn't be put in charge of spoiling milk in the midday sun. So, let's just let American Toronto get on with their business of suckling from the teet of MLS playoffs while Canadian Chicago looks forward to 2015 when our shiny new DP's turn 33.

The only notable thing in this match is of course the likely farewell to TFC stalwart and all-round quality chap, Stefan Frei. After an awful season that saw him rooted to the bench, Frei gets the start over the suspended Super Pickle. While in theory, Ryan Nelsen could do the right thing and let him start at home next week - he probably won't. Which is a high-end douche move. So we say farewell to Frei on TV, not fitting for a good TFC soldier. Is he better than Joe Bendik? We think so yes. Is he better on $200K? Nope... and that's why we say auf Wiedersehen to The Goalblerone.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

The Stefan Frei Testimonial Match

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

CHICAGO: Jalil Anibaba, Mike "Tits" Magee, Patrick Nyarko

TORONTO: Stefan Frei. That's all.

THE ODDS:

Stefan Frei post-match remarks:

- "It's been an honour to play for Toronto FC": 500-1

- "I will miss the fans and my teammates": 100-1

-"Hey Nelsen, good luck with this shitshow you Kiwi bastard": 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

In our quest to help you learn more about our MLS opponents we thought we would pass on some internet research we did on Chicago Fire. Here is what we found:

Chicago Fire is an American television drama that airs on NBC on Wednesdays at 10:00 pm EST/9:00 p.m. CST during the 2012–13 television season. Created by Michael Brandt and Derek Haas and produced by Law & Order creator Dick Wolf, the show follows the lives of the firefighters and paramedics working at the Chicago Fire Department at the firehouse of Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61 and Battalion 25. The firehouse shown is Engine 18's Quarters located at 1360 S. Blue Island Ave. between 13th & Racine. The series premiered on October 10, 2012. The pilot episode had an early release at NBC.com, before the series' premiere on television.

　

On April 26, 2013, NBC renewed Chicago Fire for a second season, and moved its time slot to Tuesdays at 10:00 pm. EST. The season debuted on September 24, 2013.

(Ed. ~ Wikipedia you tricky son of a bitch.)

POST-MATCH HEADLINE:
"DANKE IHNEN HERR FREI"

And... Since it's our last chance to hit the scene shootin' jumpers - STEVE KERR - and we are officially the riff raff of MLS...



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Hit, kit and fit

"Goalkeepers in disguise!" Wait... wrong toy.


BY A NOSE
The bad news - Stefan Frei's noseholes are broken. The good news? Maybe The Goalblerone has gotten his annual injury out of the way early and it's smooth sailing (but not breathing) ahead. The news is official now that Frei's schnoz did in fact lose the kitchen stadium battle of Boot v Face and he will have to go under the rhinoplasty knife on Tuesday to correct it. No word whether this procedure will take place at a Walt Disney Hospital facility but he should make sure NOT to check the box that says I AGREE TO BE CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN. The silver lining is that Frei didn't seem to get a concussion and that a more serious orbital bone injury was avoided. He may have to return to play with a protective mask like a modern day Bill Laimbeer or that guy from the movie Mask. Steve Maskington? That guy.
　
GET YOUR KIT OFF ON
MLS announced that they have nothing better to do will hold a week-long (actually four days, but hey) celebration of new sales opportunities with the new "Jersey Week" campaign. As originally thought, it is not an attempt to further promote New York Red Bulls nor is JWow (that's still a thing right?) signing a DP contract (Hey-oooo! Pervs.) No, Chairman Dong Grabber is throwing a festival of polyester dreams to unveil the 12 new kits that will soon be on sale to the public. TFC's home kit is of course one of these new Adidas jewels and if the leaked photos were right, the four days will be used to unveil each of the many giant maple leaves patriotically (spellcheck: patronizingly) adorning the shirt. Word is that TFC will hold its own day on February 26th where we locals can get to know the shirt up close, personal and one-on-one. No word if it will be BoGo letters on "Agbossoumonde" personalized shirts.
　
HE'S FIT BUT MY GOSH DON'T HE KNOW IT
One of TFC's training camp emphases... emphasis-is... empha... One of TFC's training camp things is to have a strong back four and newcomer Danny Califf is seen as critical to that success. Some long-suffering Eff to the Cee supporters are thus a bit worried that the burly Californian has yet to train for propers and did not appear in the opening friendly versus Columbus. Word of a lingering knee injury in post-match comments from staff did little to soothe but it appears that the injury is not of the surgical variety but rather closer to cysts on the knee that just require patience. Now you can't blame TFC supporters for fearing the worst but the man himself assures that he will be in the opening day line-up on March 2nd and if you can't trust a man with sideburns like that... who can you trust?

Balls of String: Stories to watch as Toronto FC plays out a lost season

"Today's attendance is 19,575... thank you fans"



Getting casual fans to watch TFC matches when times were good... well at least fun.... was a challenge. Now, as yet another season enters the "playing for next year" phase, even getting the most ardent supporters interested grows harder. For those of you who know they are addicted to this club and will be back next year despite 2012, finding a reason to watch a futile string of matches may be frustrating. So, if you need more reasons to watch a match aside from hearing Thomas Rongen's Dutch "donkey hitting his foot on a rock" analogy - here are some stories that you can keep your eye on...
　
FRINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE
When we last heard, the club whispered under its breath that club captain Torsten Frings had suffered a hip injury and had headed back to Deutschland to visit some BundesDoctors. The wording seemed to hint that Frings may be shut down for the year and if that is the case - is it unreasonable to think that TFC may cut ties with the Bavarian talisman? Frings has definitely lost a step this season (possibly due to injury) but with only a year left on the pricey 35-year old, will the club look in a different direction? Also see: Danny Koevermans
NOW UPDATED WITH 50% MORE HORRIBLE TRUTH (HERE)
　
EL MILAGRO DE LA CONCACAF
Most sane Reds supporters would concede that TFC's 3-1 loss to Santos Laguna at BMO Field all but ends the club's quest to progress in Champions League. While all signs point to "no way Jose", could TFC pull out a miraculous double of victories in Mexico and El Salvador AND get help to steal their CCL Group?
　
4-4-?
While not exactly blessed with a plethora of football knowledge in his starting eleven, Paul Mariner's tactics as manager have been described (sometimes fairly, sometimes not) as "dump and chase" or "hoof ball". Decried as a relic of 1960's English football, the style has even drawn mocking from opponents and without the scoring prowess of Danny Koevermans has not been effective. Will Mariner try to massage a little more "football" into his soccer in an attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff in his squad?
　
THAT ONE'S A KEEPER
It seems pretty evident that a TFC keeper is being frozen. No, not by an opponent from the penalty spot but by the coaching staff. After Stefan Frei went down with a major injury, Milos Kocic became the defacto # 1 but recently he has been replaced by very raw Bermudian Freddy Hall. Is Kocic's benching a sign that his TFC days are numbered and is Frei headed back to his place as The Reds' main man in goal for 2013?
　
END OF THE ROAD?
We may only see them if garbage minutes allow but it would seem as if 2012 may mark the end for a few old faces. Adrian Cann and Ty Harden have been phantoms (even when not injured) and do not seem to fit into Mariner's plans while other names such as Eric Avila have been surprising in their omissions. More than a few Reds may be down to their last few weeks with the club.
　
PETER OUT OR "PAUL" UP?
The on-field performance lately has been far from inspiring. Lack of talent is one thing but coming out flat is just downright infuriating for fans to watch. With little to play for except clichés, will we see a scrappy TFC inspired by their manager - or, will heads and effort levels drop in unison as other teams prepare for the playoffs?
　
CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE?
Will the blend of injuries and general lack of talent on the club allow Paul Mariner to "audition" the younger members of the team for 2013? While a few veterans will be necessary to give the appearance of "trying" to win, the remaining fixtures may be an opportunity to see what youngsters can really cut it at the MLS level. While the likes of Ashtone Morgan and Luis Silva have solidified a future, names like Aaron Maund, Quincy Amarikwa, Matt Stinson and Logan Emory still need to show they have the consistency to demand a salary next year.
　
BIT OF A HASSLI
The imposing Frenchman avec le tattoos du neck was brought over to TFC as something of a panic buy after Danny Koevermans went down for the season and beyond. As far as panic buys go, he's a fairly good one - despite likely being able to snatch him for free at the end of 2012 if the injury hadn't forced Mariner's hand. However, Hassli has yet to find any consistency and has been far from the replacement needed up top. The Reds once again find themselves desperate for a consistent goalscorer but will Hassli find the form in the last few weeks of 2012 to warrant his pricey return?
　
TICKETS! WHO NEEDS 'EM, WHO WANTS "EM?
Oh to be a TFC Season Ticket Rep over the next few months. Not an enviable task. Through no fault of their own (except guilt by association), these poor souls will have to convince TFC season ticket holders to hand over wads of cash for yet another season that is yet to hold promise of much different. Many Day One ticket holders are finally calling it a day and casual support is bleeding on a weekly basis. Will MLSE have the Saputo-prodded smarts to lower season tickets across the board? GASP! Will they freeze ticket prices once again? Can they offer anything to the long-abused to avoid TFC matches from resembling FC Dallas matches? This is a question that only time will tell.
　
C.O.-OH NO!
The inevitable coronation of Tom Anselmi to MLSE's COO (aka head virgin sacrificer) will have many TFC supporters rolling their eyes. How a man so directly involved with the slaying of a golden goose is exalted to one of North America's highest sports management positions is beyond us, but hey. Maple Leafs and Raptors fans are suddenly screaming that "the sky is falling", but to them we say... "you are absolutely right". Welcome to our world. From a TFC slant, it will be interesting to see if Anselmi continues his iron grip over the club or if in a move of appeasement, an actual football man (not looking at you Earl Cochrane or Jim Brennan) is put into place as a TFC "President". Either that or the new owners move the Argos into BMO, get us a fluffy mascot, thundersticks and the TFC City Dancers. Whatevs.