It's some kind of deal! TFC unveil Jermain Defoe AND Michael Bradley

"You new here too?"



Remember that mumbling, rather serene press conference in the BMO Field press room the last time TFC introduced two DP's? That day it was Torsten Frings and Danny Koevermans taking on the roles of TFC Messiahs 1 & 2 but compared to the show at RealSports Bar in Downtown Toronto today... that was a bloody small deal.

From his arrival at Pearson yesterday, the full page ads in Toronto dailies this morning and to the trail of potential WAGS strewn through the 416 - the whole football world knew that today was "De-Day" - Jermain Defoe's Debutante Ball. However in what must have been a Tim Leiweke erotic promotions fantasy - that wasn't big enough. No... like the finest wrestling card, American midfielder/trainee Super Villain Michael Bradley appeared from backstage and joined the fracas! Mic drop.

Live from the back of a double-decker bus, here are some of our favourite observations:

- A return to supporter good times chanting "This Is Our House" from the RealSports upper deck. Doubt that beers cost $15 bucks in their actual houses.
- Tim Leiweke speaking in front of rowdy crowd and largest media presence in TFC history aka "one off his bucket list"
- Leiweke saying all the right things such as "nothing is won today" and "why can't we be great". Managed not to say "btw - you may want to re-mortgage house before 2015 season tickets go up"
- Jermain Defoe comes out to a raucous cheer. Scans crowd for glamour models in the house. Makes mental notes. Sits down.
- Defoe: "I'm a winner"; "To win trophies - that's what it's all about"; "I'm the new Jeff Cunningham LOLZ!" (He may not have said that)
- Back to Leiweke who missed a good opportunity to introduce the "surprise" guest in wrestling ambush style...
- Michael Bradley emerges dressed in all black to do nothing but concrete his image as a James Bond Super Villain.
- Bradley a man of few words - the ones he does say sound amazingly like Breaking Bad's Jesse Pinkman. It will be our goal to get him to say "Yo TFC bitch" this season.
- Ryan Nelsen says a few words - just realized he finally has a reason to say "Juh-main" a la Flight of the Conchords. Prisint.
- Floor opened to the media... and the first question in this international presser goes to... a kid from Seneca College?! Umm... was a dying boy's wish granted or something?
- There are Drake questions up the wazoo. No mention of Maestro Fresh Wes or Joey Jeremiah of original Degrassi. Shameful.
- BREAKING: Former TFC GM Mo Johnston is holding a live event in his kitchen where he will introduce BOTH bologna and cheese to a sandwich.
- T-Bez danced his best around a question on the status of Matias Laba. We say not looking good.
- Then a bunch more crap about Drake...

And with that, TFC's underwater Bloody Big Eel event ended. Or something like that. There are some grumps and naysayer's out there today (stop stealing our gig newbies) but for all the sizzle, it really is a fun day to be a TFC supporter. That's for you, rain-soaked fan who never said "I don't feel like going to watch them lose..." You're about to have more company in the stands, but that house will always be yours.

And... Since it's Monday and we are legally bound to bring you this... here is your Starting 11!!!
 

White Hart Lane: The BMO Field of North London

 

THE STARTING 11: Other features of the Toronto FC - Tottenham Hotspur Agreement

Part of the Jermain Defoe (hey, did you hear Drake called him?) official confirmation was the added caveat that TFC and Spurs had entered into a "marketing agreement" with each other. The deal includes a mid-summer friendly, Spurs merchandise sold at MLSE properties and other stuff like TFC having to RT and LOL all Spurs tweets. But, as with all deals there is always the small print where more details are found...

 

11. BMO Field to change name to "Great White (North) Hart Lane"

10. Toronto Raptors must throw every game against San Antonio

9. TFC get first refusal on any Sergei Rebrov transfer

 

8. A long-term community employment commitment from both clubs by hiring-and-firing managers on a bi-annual basis. (DONE)

7. David Ginola to open men's hair salon at Downsview training facility

6. The two clubs to share custody of the label "Champions League hopefuls"

 

5. Toronto FC-based Arsenal supporters forced to feel dirty about themselves

4. Jurgen Klinsmann available for both clubs during emergency crisis management situations (DONE)

3. Drake on loan to London until March

2. Bitchy the Hawk replaced with angry fighting cockerel

1. Our top prospects to be sold to Spurs just as they become integral squad member who will sell that player to Real Madrid just as he becomes an integral squad member

 

Fancy a right ol' knees up me china? 'Ave a butcher's hook as TFC release Defoe teaser!

Put an 'at on yer barnet - you're off to Canada chappie!



You lot ain't gonna Adam & Eve it! We've been Hank Marvin for a bit 'a good news for ages but it finally looks like Toronto FC pulled their finger out and put up the dosh to half-inch Jermain Defoe off the Lilywhites. Oh the look on your boat race! It ain't no porkies love, by Monday you'll 'ave yer mincers on The Reds' new bit of all right!

As seen below, Toronto FC went to the same "Big Book of Stereotypes" that the British tabloids used when they photoshopped a Mountie's uniform on Jermain Defoe, to tease the locals. But all daft videos aside, the obvious nod to the confirmation of what will be the biggest signing in club history is quite monumental and an admitted coup for TFC.

We will hold our breath on details just in case there is an almighty asterisk to the announcement (such as Defoe not arriving until summer or returning to England on loan) but for once, a #TFCMajorAnnouncement might actually be major. So we sit back and wait until Monday... with a lovely cuppa the 'ole Rosy Lee.

THE STARTING 11: Ways that Drake persuades DP's to sign with Toronto FC

Drake aka "Drizzy"

If there is some kind of Bat-Signal that originates deep from inside infamous Toronto "hood' Forest Hill, someone best light it up. With the kerfuffle going on at Tottenham Hotspur today, there is much local hand-wringing over the potential transfer of Jermain Defoe to TFC. If there were ever a time when MLSE needed their celebrity closer - rapping guy/Degrassi invalid, Drake - to come through, it's now! Gilberto was successfully hugged out but now Drizzy (his legal name) must use all of his tricks to bag the big star striker. But just how does he do it?

11. New signings allowed to refer to midfield as their "entourage"

10. Your goal celebrations come with full phalanx of scantily clad backup dancers

9. He will gladly lend you his prop Degrassi: The Next Generation wheelchair when you inevitably blow out your ACL in New England

8. The name on the back of your shirt is followed by "feat. Drake & L'il Wayne"

7. A very romantic "Welcome to Toronto" dinner for two atop the CN Tower with Raptors' center Jonas Valanciunas

6. You are immediately invited into a feud with Chris Brown

5. "The Zit Remedy" will play live at your birthday party

4. Will allow you to join his crew on their quest to circumnavigate the globe by sea! (CORRECTION: That is "Ways that Sir Francis Drake persuades DP's to sign with Toronto FC")

3. Your Gatorade bottles replaced by Cristal champagne

 

2. Personally re-writes his lyrics to chart your career path into: "Started from the top, now you're here"

1. You are allowed to refer to Ryan Nelsen as "Nizzy"

 

Sir Francis Drake aka "Drizzy"

 

THE WORD: "Jermain Defoe is a Red-oh?"

Much to ponder...

 

Well at least the "R" word has little chance of being banned anytime soon.

The ink had barely dried on new striker Gilberto's DP contract before local media started to aggressively hint (Kurt Larson with his version here) that his future partner in shots-on-target is practically locked in. The name being spoken is none other than the hinted "biggest MLS transfer OF ALL TIMEZ!" (TM) - Jermain Defoe.

While far from the first time that the Tottenham striker's name has been rumoured with TFC, the original whispers seem to be turning into a dull roar. Massive dollar amounts such as a $10 Million Dollar transfer fee to Spurs and a whopping $150,000 Dollars-a-week contract are being floated not too quietly across the Atlantic. It has all become a very open come-hither look to Defoe usually reserved by British Page 3 girls towards the poacher.

However, before we all run-out (Except you, Toronto Arsenal supporters. You're gonna hate this aren't you?) and get TFC # 18 kits, this deal is not finalized and funny things can happen on the way up the Seven Sisters Road. Defoe is still very much a useful part of Spurs who are quite thin up front. The original North London club will want to shore up their striker prospects before letting Defoe jet off into the tundra. This could delay or at worse cease any deal. A possible loan-back to Spurs until March could be one way around this.

The other sticking point is Defoe's desire to play for England this summer at the World Cup. Ignorantly, MLS is still seen as a retirement wilderness to the English press and even the FA and he may fear an "out of sight, out of mind" factor in the crucial lead-up months to Brazil. Perhaps TFC have greased the wheels with old Roy Hodgson or maybe this leads to Defoe's arrival being of the summer variety over March. There are still many variables in this potential deal.

In the end, money could be the makeweight. Defoe is not likely to get a 4-year deal with that kind of compensation from another Premiership club. Deep-pockets QPR could be in with a shout but if they aren't promoted from the Championship, the appeal of a new continent of unsullied glamour models may just bring TFC their biggest name yet. 

 

You're on the clock Degrassi.

Tim gets a Brazilian

"Canada is this way?"

 

You did it Drake! He started from the bottom (of the Brazilian league) now he's here!

After days of shameless public flirting at Raptors and Leafs games, TFC got a full Brazilian today with the signing of DP forward Gilberto. Or Gilberto Oliveira Souza Jr. when he is dining formally. The 24-year old joins TFC on a multiple year lucrative contract (we assume... MLS) as the club's "B" Option Designated Player with hopes that he will soon be partnered with his "A" game superior: JermainDefoeAlbertoGilardinoGeorgiosSamaras.

The native of Piranhas (PIRANHAS!!!) is coming off his breakout season in Brazil, scoring 13 goals for Portuguesa while on loan from his parent club Internacional. Now before you get your Brazilian thong in a twist as to why he was on loan - he failed to dislodge Leandro Damiao and some dude named Diego Forlan for a starter's role. Nowt to be ashamed of there.

That being said, Gilberto isn't exactly one of Brazil's glamour players and only really has just over a year of top-flight football under his belt. Some would see that as a less than glowing resume to garner a DP contract but The Reds feel they have a potential MLS star in the making.

Scouting reports from his homeland are maybe not as quite bedazzling where he is considered a poacher with some great right-footed power but so far lacks the skills to be a back-to-goal type guy. At 5-foot 10 he will not be much of an aerial threat nor is he tremendously physical which would make a prospective partnership with the likes of Jermain Defoe a bit easy to push around.

But alas, aside from that YouTube goal, few here can claim to watch many Portuguesa fixtures and playing in MLS is a different beast either way. Gilberto will be given more than enough opportunity to sink or swim at TFC and is only 38 minutes away from being more successful than Maxi Urruti. The proof will be on the pitch but off of it, TFC 8.0 is in full swing.

THE WORD: Jermain? Possibly present.

Get used to telling guys where to stand mate

"Glamour models" of Canada rejoice! According to internationally renowned truth-peddling newspaper The Mirror, Toronto FC have found "the biggest MLS DP of all timez" - Tottenham Hotspur stalwart/lady aficionado Jermain Defoe.

Now this is isn't the first time that TFC and Defoe's name have been linked in a #LeiwekeLeaks scoop but it is the first time that any major media outlet has gone as far as to say that a deal has been struck. And what a deal*! A reported $150,000 (US)-a-week, 4-year contract which we assume includes Andrew Wiedeman as Defoe's butler. This is in addition to an apparent transfer fee in the $10-12 Million range to be paid to Spurs.

How sure are The Mirror that this deal is done? They hired the top designers in the Fleet Street game to Photoshop Defoe's face onto a Mountie. That kind of Rap Game Stereotyping does not come cheap!

Now before we all run out and get our TFC Defoe kits made (Except you of course, torn Toronto FC/Arsenal supporters. Suck it.) let us remember that TFC and transfers are never a black-and-white case. From Urrutis to Forlans to Gilardinos and er... Ben Haims - this stuff never goes smoothly at BMO Field. Does Defoe "tick all the boxes" for Tim Leiweke and TFC? Yes. Does a player intent on making England's World Cup 2014 squad pine for a move to Major League Soccer's clown college? Not so fast.

Various mainstream North American media types are hedging their bets for and against The Mirror story tonight. Some are corroborating the rumour, some are saying it's being worked on and the odd one is pointing at TFC's history and laughing milk through their nostrils. Most likely where there is this much smoke, there is some fire. Whether or not it ignites into a full Deferno, the next few weeks should tell.

Many TFC fans will simply not believe this rumour until Jermaine Defoe is a solid 15 minutes into a match wearing the red of The Reds. This is a safe way to treat this for now. Could Defoe do a good job at TFC? Undoubtedly... but let's worry about that when said shirt goes over said rumoured DP's head.

Sunshine Girls - you have been warned.

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC Designated Player sales pitches

"I've bought DP's for Brockway United, Ogdenville Athletic and North Haverbrook FC"

 

Look here gang! News on the transatlantic cable is that high-falutin' business mogul Tim Leiweke is hopping on a steamer to the Olde World to grab him some of them blue chippers see! True story folks, step right up, your Toronto Footballing Club is set to be shined up like a new trolley when Ol' Timbo returns with a couple of them European type Dee Pees! What about the other 9 players you ask? Why that sounds like Communist talk. You're not a communist are you? Now we're cooking with petrol! Just how you ask will our silver-tongued shopkeeper sell TFC to these costly kickballers? Like so...

11. "You're already only 10 goals away from being in the All-Time TFC Leading Goalscorers Top 5!"

10. "If you squint hard and hum loudly during the pre-match bird display you can almost pretend you signed for Benfica!"

9. "Ah, Toronto in February... it's the Paris of the Eastern Great Lakes"

8. "Don't worry, if you don't like the manager there's a new one due every 9 months!"

7. "Those rubes at BMO Field are so starved for the minimum level of success they will make you their god!"

6. "You have the chance to avenge the centuries-old European vendetta against the people of Columbus, Ohio"

5. "Plenty of good Wall of Honour space still available!"

4. "Plenty of down-time to cruise for chicks with world-renowned wild and crazy gigolo Tim Bezbatchenko"

3. "You may get a chance to glimpse the Raptors' Global Ambassador Drake... if not you will definitely meet the Toronto FC Global Ambassador - the original bassist from Platinum Blonde"

2. "Get in on the ground level of the 4th 5-Year Plan"

1. "Pick up where the legendary Mista left off"
 

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Diego Forlan would consider Toronto FC

A hair-raising possibility!



There is much to say about the widely rumoured imminent signing of Uruguayan forward/ shampoo & conditioner aficionado Diego Forlan. We will cross that elderly South American bridge when (and if) we come to it. Who knows... we may only be hours away from the unveiling of the TFC marketing department's newest star the next legend to don the famous TFC Red. While Forlan is beyond a doubt in the twilight of his career, the 34-year old can likely attract interest from other international clubs so why consider career graveyard BMO Field?
　
11. He would immediately go down in history as one of the Top 10 Greatest Uruguayans to ever play for TFC
　
10. His family are desperate to meet hilarious international YouTube comedian "El Mayor Rob Ford"
　
9. He wants to get as geographically distant from countryman Luis Suarez's "biting range" as possible
　
8. Pumped to reunite the Manchester United magic with kid he once saw in the Old Trafford parking lot - Richard Eckersley
　
7. When Jim Brennan calls - you answer.
　
6. It would be an honour to continue the lineage of great TFC strikers like Lombardo, Cunningham, Gerba and Mista
　
5. Famous Canadian health care system will be handy when ACL ruptures after first match on MLS artificial turf
　
4. He’s an amateur hawk wrangler
　
3. In his honour, Toronto movie rental institution "Queen Video" has promised to change name of store to "Monte Video"
　
2. The Greater Toronto Area is a hub of innovation in the field of effeminate hairband technology
　
1. The completion of TFC's new Five Year Plan will be a great 40th birthday present!

Urruti and a mystery MF sign.

Urruti & what we will refer to for now as Mysterion, as depicted by South Park

I was awaiting official word of the signing, but because of the pending brilliance, I need to post now.

To be filed under "Please don't fall through", Toronto finally capture their Argentine designated player in Maximiliano Urruti. The Newell's Old Boys striker has been the focus of a long, nearly drawn-out, courtship but will add flexibility to the front of the Robins attack. No word yet when he'll make his debut.  If his highlight reel is to be taken as law, he can poach and create, and he ain't no MF.  Wikipedia, at the time of writing, is calling this a loan for the 22 year old.

What is remarkable from the Canadian Press report is the away team with Pat Onstad has revealed a second signing.  We don't know much other than he plays in the MF.  Perhaps this MF can add some creativity in the middle of the pitch.  Toronto used to have depth (ranging from passable to mediocre) with a string of MFs.  Some MFs were converted to forwards, some stayed attacking MFs.  What I understand is that whomever this MF is, this MF better bring his game, son.

I'm tired of these MFs failing.  Look at Hall.  Is that the kind of MF that's going to spark this team?  Hell naw.  Now Dunfield, there's a MF that knows work.  He ain't creative for s---, but at least he works.  Lambe is one of those disappearing MFs, sometime's he's good, other times he's a liability.  We need consistency from our MF.  At least our MF ain't trippin'.  Nobody likes diving.

We need a bad-ass MF, and not a bad MF as in terrible.

Editor's Note : the author first understood MF to mean mother f--ker, as that's how he read it on twitter.  He now understands that it is midfielder, but we kept the report intact.

THE WORD: The "Miliano Dollar Man"?

"Everybody's got a price!" (Argentine Virgil not pictured)



"Young DP" hasn't been talked about this much since the unfounded rumours of a 'Young MC' sex tape all those years ago. Alas, "Bust A Move/Nut" turned out to be a hoax but that doesn't stop DP fever from hitting a crescendo in the TFC nether regions.
　
In the long and successful history of Toronto FC designated players, one that includes Julian de Guzman, Mista and Torsten Frings' hip - never have The Reds ventured into the fairly untested waters of MLS' "young DP" program. However, when updating the local media on possible additions to the squad recently, TFC President Kevin Payne admitted that a youthful Argentine was indeed being scouted by new head scout Pat Onstad. Since then, possible targets have been rumoured but today we may have our first glimpse at our Argie Loch Ness monstero.
　
Toronto football journalist/Brennan truther, Kristian Jack cited multiple sources on website 4-2-3-1.com that the target in question is 22-year-old Newell's Old Boys striker Maximiliano Urruti. The well-built forward saw his stock rise rapidly at our favourite-named Argentine club but has seen his minutes diminished with the return of a veteran striker to NOB. Once garnering interest from a host of Europa League-level European clubs, Urruti may be seeking a new start somewhere that will see him get mucho minuto.
　
Before we start making "Canada's Maradona" T-shirts however, there are some question marks surrounding Urruti. His scoring record is considered modest for a player of his age and position in Argentina. There is also a potentially sticky issue over claims that Urruti made disparaging remarks about the ethnicity of a Paraguayan player during a Copa Libertadores match earlier this year. Toronto's Little Asuncion neighbourhood will not be pleased.
　
This deal is definitely far from certain with TFC letting everyone know that it will be weeks and not days before we hear actual news. Also, how his contract would be structured in the MLS young DP program (long-term loan etc.) is also a mystery at the moment. The suddenly tiny amount of international roster spots on TFC would also have to be addressed to add more non-domestics (rumours of a one way ticket purchase to Bermuda not confirmed) so this is a story very much in the mixing bowl. But hey, a dynamic-looking striker (watch video here - WARNING: Screaming) with an awesome super villain name from an even greater named club! What's not to like?
　
Dropping science… Is Urruti down?

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli's trade to FC Dallas was delayed

Order your FC Dallas 2013 away kit now!



The worst-kept transfer secret in MLS is still a secret (EDIT: Yes we know now - see above. Thanks a lot official confirmation timing)... despite official Twitter releases and interviews on Major League Soccer's official website. At press time (yes, I referred to this site as "press". My mum made me a card that says 'PRESS' on it which I stuck in a Joey Jeremiah fedora... and I can do a mean 1930's newsie voice... "see?") no official confirmation has been released but it seems 99.9% sure that Eric Hassli is on his way to FC Dallas. Now most of us are used to MLS' taking 3-8 weeks to approve a deal that doesn't involve New York or Los Angeles but this one is getting silly. What is taking so long to cross those "i's" and dot those "t's"? "It's off the trolley I tells ya!"
　
11. Hassli requesting that all of Brek Shea's leftover hairstyling products be moved to his new locker upon arrival
　
10. The Greater Dallas Area Tattoo Association needs a week to stock up on ink
　
9. Hassli and wife waiting to see how the new "Dallas" handles the passing of Larry "JR" Hagman before agreeing on deal
　
8. Waiting for confidante Paul Mariner's Dallas-bound DP blessing to go" bask in the sun on a playoff-bound team"
　
7. Demanding a 1960's Citroen 2CV as company car
　
6. Kevin Payne and Schellas Hyndman meeting in a Texan honky tonk bar for "Over The Top" style arm wrestling face-off for cap room
　
5. FC Dallas mascot Tex Hooper needs time to work on hilarious new Parisian mime routine
　
4. Negotiating lucrative "Circus Shot Bonus"
　
3. FC Dallas yet to agree on changing kit to stereotypical Frenchman black-and-white hoops
　
2. Hassli demanding that Dallas defender George John legally changes his name to Jean-Georges
　
1. FC Dallas wants exclusive rights to all future ill-advised Toronto FC DP signings

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Payne management

"It's good to talk..."



With just a few days before The Reds go all snowbird and head down to Orlando ("WHOOO! SPRING BREAK!"), Kevin Payne took time away from packing his mesh "Daytona Beach '84" tank-tops to hold a round-table discussion with some members of the mainstream Toronto football media. The boss of all things Eff Cee seemed to be in "line drawn in sand" mode which may or may not be a beach metaphor. Here's a few of K-Payne's phat rhymes...
　
ON THE KIDS:
- Some TFC Academy players will be invited to join the first team down in Florida due to some early "impressive performances".
- No word if they will be allowed any beachside hijinks with locals much like in the 1983 seminal theatrical spring break opus... "Spring Break"
　
ON NEW SIGNINGS:
- TFC are "looking almost exclusively south" for new players adding that European targets are "overpriced"
- Somewhere Mikael Yourassowsky said "WTF man?!"
- Did not get into any type of financial conversation about the Greek Debt Crisis or the falling value of the Euro over the Honduran Lempira
- Club is hoping to announce new signing this week or early next week but warned "it has been a complex deal"
- Possibly related, possibly not, but definitely complex, Payne dropped that "Peralta deal is not dead"
- In addition to the above 'imminent deal' the club is also working on 3 further deals with attacking players preferably under the age of 27.
　
ON THE MONEYZ:
- Claimed that the business side of TFC was in "great shape"
- Thousands of TFC supporters rolled their eyes in unison
- Ryan Nelsen was awarded a three-year contract
　
ON FITNESS:
- "Very disappointed" that "many players showed up unfit" and that "1 or 2 were not even close to being fit"
- Sternly stated "that won't happen again"
　
ON THE DP'S:
- When asked about Torsten Frings, Payne stated "he's deserving of every opportunity to prove he can still do the job" but then quickly added that the German is not in full training yet.
- Claimed that there are "no discussions yet to buy (Frings) out"
- Journalists likely safe to put "yet" in all caps
- Payne was clear that "buying out a DP is an option". Clubs may only do this once a year if you were hoping to hear that Frings, Hassli and Koevermans were all on a bus to Pearson.
- Rather randomly dropped that "the jury is out on Hassli". Not sure what the Frenchman is charged with but it sounds ominous in a 12 Angry Men kind of way
- When asked if it was explained to him why Hassli's contract was renewed a week before he was hired, Payne paused and wryly said "No."
- Somewhere Paul Mariner's ears started to burn.
- Unsurprising to most, Danny Koevermans won't likely be ready to play until the end of June at the earliest. His form would likely be found a month or two after that.
- As if wanting to end things with a big asterisk, Payne let it be known that the 3 DP's along with Darren O'Dea and Richard Eckersley eat up a "very, very large percentage of the salary cap"... so see you this time next year?
　
IN PARTING:
- First home fixture now solidly scheduled for SkyDome on March 9 at 1:30 PM. Get your thundersticks now!
- Payne may or may not have put on mesh "Daytona Beach '84" tank-top and strapped surfboard on top of Studebaker station wagon with Florida plates and peeled out of BMO Field parking lot.

Hassli to return as DP? Local tattoo parlours prepare for big year

Less of that in 2013 please Monsieur



Stocks rose in both the neck ink and red card markets on the TSE this afternoon after the Toronto Sun's Kurt Larson tweeted the following: "CONFIRMED: Eric Hassli will be back with #TFC as a DP to start 2013." While yet to be confirmed by the club, the return of the burly Frenchman would hardly be a shock but his wage may raise a few eyebrows.
　
Most TFC supporters are fine with the idea of Hassli's return but would balk at using a DP slot on the 31-year old. Perhaps if his arrival in Toronto hadn't been blemished by an injury-filled stutter-start, people would have fewer problems with him taking a Designated slot but rightly or wrongly - there is a feeling in TFCLand that Hassli is past his best and likely to continue to fight injuries. However, when it comes down to it, Hassli returning as a non-DP would have been at a wage very close to the DP exemption so the only loss is the slot itself. Whether you feel that a better DP is available for TFC - and if they are capable of identifying and acquiring said DP - is down to a matter of opinion.
　
Hassli's proposed return is possibly telling on a couple of fronts regarding TFC's braintrust. You can surmise that there is unease at the reliability of a returning Danny Koevermans thus making the presence of an established striker, ready in March, a necessity at any price. For the cynics, there may be a feeling that TFC's less than stellar scouting community can't be relied upon to find better than Hassli and also that there is a need for the striker to return in order to justify Mariner & Co.’s gifting of a 1st Round Pick to Vancouver. At the other end of the spectrum, the more optimistic will laud some stability in the line-up and the preservation of an MLS-proven striker who undoubtedly wants to succeed in Toronto. Either way, DP signings do not make or break a team in this league and it will be the addition of squad depth which will most decide TFC's fate next season.

DP or not DP, that is the question…

"You stayin'?" "Dunno. You stayin'?"



Most football minds in these parts have wandered from the never-ending drama that is Toronto FC and on to the international break. However, a couple of ex-internationals who have made returns to Toronto managed to catch some local attention. TFC's two high-profile Designated Players, Danny Koevermans and Torsten Frings, have both now returned from foreign operations to continue their lengthy re-hab with The Reds’ staff. Koevermans returned earlier last month while his German counterpart joined him at the club this past week.
　
Some TFC supporters, desperate for a crumb of good news in an abysmal season, took some solace from the news. While Koevermans, who has been back in Toronto for a while, is missed by many – equal numbers had guessed that Torsten Frings would never be seen around these parts again. With his future sights set on coaching duties at Werder Bremen, many surmised that the soon-to-be 36-year old German would call a day on his playing career. The question is - regarding both Frings and Koevermans - would this necessarily be a bad thing for the club?
　
As a gentleman who sits behind us at BMO Field opined early in the 2012 season: "Frings ain't what they used to be"... and this is certainly true. That being said he is still superior in football pedigree to most in MLS but his body is breaking down after an 18 year professional career. His return to the club at this time is an example of what a solid professional Frings is. He easily could have stayed in Germany over the winter and few would have been surprised but his responsibility to the club he captains seemingly brought him back. Make no mistake, that kind of leadership and experience is invaluable and would be near impossible for TFC to replace - this of course assuming Frings' head is in the right place. Surely the constant losing at TFC is not the way he saw his playing career ending. The rub is that the defensive midfield position in MLS is one that you can fill with a useful player for much less salary than Frings makes thus opening funds to be used to fill the many glaring holes that TFC has.
　
Danny Koevermans is a player that has different pros and cons to Frings. The big Dutchman has an MLS strike-rate that is quite phenomenal but one that comes at a price. Even going back to his days in the Eredivisie, Koef has been injury-prone and this has continued at TFC. The further worry about Koevermans is his training rate. Even at full health, many were shocked at the shape that Koevermans arrived in after this past off-season as we waited until late-May for him to be at "full fitness". Of course when firing on all cylinders he is the poacher that TFC has been seeking since 2007 and as we all know - they seem few and far between in Toronto. Coming off of a severe ACL injury and heading towards 34-years of age, Koevermans is going to have to put in yeoman's work to return. Even at best however, the earliest we may see Koef "firing on all cylinders" again is summer 2013. Is that too big a "what if" to wait for and does it give The Reds another built-in excuse for a slow start up front?
　
Of course considering the departure of these two players is far from black and white and is based only on possibilities that they would be willing to cut short the remaining year of their lucrative contracts. Frings, with his future seemingly promised at Werder Bremen may be more likely to accept a jump but that is admittedly an assumption. Koevermans is likely on his final stop as a well-paid striker and may want to stick around to see if his career could continue after this current deal ends. However, TFC has shown that it is willing to push out contracts it no longer wants, whether through under-handed means or not. No contract is written in stone at BMO Field.
　
TFC will not be winning a thing in MLS next year with the glorious goal set at grabbing the last wildcard playoff spot and proclaiming a great victory for all mankind. In this likely future, is it worth devoting such a large portion of the salary cap to two players well past their prime and with no long-term future at TFC? We won't even include Eric Hassli in this conversation as a DP return for him is hopefully unfathomable. Wouldn’t a club trying to build a secure future want to cut their losses and collect solid pieces to use two and three years down the line?

This of course becomes a sticky issue when you retain the management team of Paul Mariner and Earl Cochrane with a "squeak into the playoffs this year or bust" ultimatum. Why should they look to the future when their jobs are seemingly safer with a brief cameo in the playoffs in 2013? As supporters who will still be here long after Frings and Koevermans (and seemingly Mariner and Cochrane) - would you stick with the veterans to their end - or, if you could - would you wish them a fond farewell and forego a chance at a wildcard playoff spot in the hope of better long term development? The time to decide is now.

THE STARTING 11: Reasons for Eric Hassli's delayed arrival in Toronto

You should see Mariner's back tats!

You can forgive Toronto FC supporters for expecting a bit more of a dog-and-pony show around the capture of Eric Hassli. It was downright out of character for MLSE not to spend every waking second promoting the life out of a new marquee name... but it has all been relatively docile. After a late-week arrival in the city that began pushing Carlos Ruiz levels of patience, the big Frenchman gave a very basic presser before once again drifting into the club's background. Injuries and relocation are the most obvious reasons for the volatile new striker's delay but were there other factors involved?

11. Red carded during phone call to inform him of trade

10. Spent a full day trying to figure out where Toronto's mountains were located

9. Was on "the hunt" for TFC's new centreback

8. Red carded in cab on way to Vancouver airport

7. Had to wait for the perfect moment to fulfill life-long goal of punching Darren Mattocks in the back of the head

6. Had to deal with strange online messages from a "Koef14" challenging him to a Settlers of Catan showdown

5. Red carded during airport security screening

4. No one leaves a Bobby Lenarduzzi "Bon Voyage Bender" for at least three days

3. Getting a life-size tattoo of Paul Mariner's face on your back doesn't happen overnight!

2. Red carded during in-flight film

1. Was translating "If you can't beat 'em', join 'em" into French

You wait all year for a Designated Player, then two come at once!

The criticisms surrounding Aron Winter & Co's "re-building" of Toronto FC had recently started to reach alarming levels in some supporting circles. A lack of results and seemingly neutral development on the pitch coupled with relative quiet off the pitch started to make murmurs of displeasure turn into yells. For a good majority of long-suffering Reds supporters though, patience was always going to be paramount with the summer transfer window the first litmus test for the new management. As far as tests go, it was a good first day.

　
A couple of weeks before the international transfer window opens in MLS, Toronto FC made a massive splash today by inking two Designated Players - German midfield legend Torsten Frings and Dutch hitman Danny Koevermans. With the 2011 season being lost in the dregs of re-building, the most historic and momentous signings in the club's young history may have turned the atmosphere at BMO Field from tentative to optimistic in a few pen strokes.
　
Frings, the 34-year-old German defensive midfielder arrives in the twilight of his career, yet with no recent signs of diminished skills or physicality at his long-term club Werder Bremen. With piles of experience with the German National squad and playing in the highest levels of UEFA club championships and the Bundesliga, his pedigree and leadership will be looked at to anchor the TFC midfield.
　
The 32-year-old Koevermans is a towering central striker who had quite the dynamic strike rate during his career peak in the Dutch leagues. Most famous for his stretch with PSV Eindhoven, the former Dutch international found himself on the fringes of his former club this season and eagerly jumped at the chance to become the talisman striker for the goal-shy TFC. With no history of major injury and with the size and pace that suits MLS, Koevermans has the chance to make an impact up front with The Reds where so few have before him.
　
We can be cynical and claim that MLSE has only approved these moves to ensure healthy ticket renewals but it isn't the time for that. The ownership has rubber-stamped three DP's, the maximum allowed in the league, and that deserves some commending. The "R" word of re-building can't stop here yet however, as the defensive squad needs desperate quality. After today's splash into the transfer market though, a few of those yelling for change will now be eagerly awaiting the next moves at BMO Field.

THE STARTING 11: European footballers' complaints about MLS

Kinder Surprise! You're moving to mid-Ohio!

When David Beckham made his much bally-hooed, sexy landing in Los Angeles a few years ago, many MLS observers thought it would open a floodgate of European stars heading to North America. As supporters of the league know, the deluge never quite happened. Apart from the odd Ljungberg or Henry, no extra flights were added across the Atlantic to handle a sudden influx to MLS. The idea of the big-name Designated Player can still be tempting for some clubs but there seems to be difficulty getting the UEFA star to trade Frankfurt for Foxboro. With the transfer window upon MLS, Johnny Foreigner still has some problems with playing footy in North America...
　
11. Not a single club named Grasshopper
　
10. Feelings of guilt when having to park luxury sports car next to teammate's 1993 Toyota Camry
　
9. Need more clubs in either New York City or Los Angeles
　
8. No matter what your agent says - Columbus is not located on the "Ohio Riviera"
　
7. Too many people in Manchester United kits
　
6. Not enough hilarious corruption scandals
　
5. Serious lack of Benetton stores
　
4. Horizontal NFL lines on pitch "not slimming"
　
3. Kinder Egg surprises not as whimsical
　
2. Good luck finding a bidet at a Holiday Inn
　
1. CONCACAF has too many letters in it

THE STARTING 11: Sexy MLS euphemisms

Valentine's Day has come and gone. If you just realized that, you no longer have a girlfriend/ wife. It's ok newly single guy... it's understandable what with TFC being in training camp and all. How can you be expected to remember to buy a card and chocolates when the Reds are playing against Florida based NCAA teams? (Apparently even Mo Johnston forgot to send out cards: "Roses are red, violets are blue. If you once played in Scotland, here's a trial for you!") However, if you want to sweet talk your girl back into the bedroom while keeping the MLS vibe alive - here are some handy/ randy words...

11. Closing the Giants Stadium

10. Hoisting the NutCan

9. Expanding Whitecaps

8. The Beckham Experiment

7. The Schelotto Dive

6. Packing the Rio Tinto

5. Giving Dickov a trial

4. Bringing it to Don Garber's attention

3. Introducing a DP

2. Supporting the Timbers

1. Joe Cannon

BREAKING NEWS: De Guzman joins "Scarborough FC"

TFC (aka Scarborough FC) finally landed the international star that the team's fervent supporters have felt they deserved for a long time. The biggest surprise is that instead of splashing the cash on an aging European striker with two bad knees and former glories, the club went out and got a really good footballer. Instantly one of MLS's best midfielders, Julian De Guzman enters the league at the peak of his career at the age of 28. The local lad, better known in Spain than Scarborough has become the club's first Designated Player and pending league approval, could be on the pitch with his new team mates as early as tomorrow.

The new # 6 will bridge the gap between the defence and the offence so that opponents will no longer be able to shut down TFC's midfield by simply double-teaming Dwayne De Rosario. De Guzman's pedigree as a La Liga standout with Deportivo La Coruna can only help the young midfielders who will play around him while his stature on the national team can only improve the club's image in Canada. The signing is an inspired one as the casual "soccer" fan would have rather seen an international "big name" star as DP but with De Guzman, TFC has potential leadership and quality in the centre of the pitch for years to come.

We will not praise MLSE for paying the "big bucks" as De Guzman's contract, despite its MLS heavyweight status, is more in line with a Leafs' third-liner or Raptors' end of bench centre. However, as hard as it is to do on this site, credit has to be given to Mo Johnston and his team for landing true quality and not spending the money on the Robbie Fowler's of the world. Julian De Guzman will make a better TFC, but still far from a perfect one. Huge holes in the back, on the wings and especially up front need to be filled and his signing may actually make some issues arise that will need to be addressed in the near future. For today however, TFC supporters can dream once again and what better way than by seeing what the richest domestic footballer in Canadian history had to say… "I'm very excited. I have always imagined this moment happening and here it is," "It is a celebration for myself and my family and I think good things are going to happen for me being back home and being able to play with Toronto FC. It's a dream come true to be able to play for my hometown team."

BREAKING NEWS: Bald Of Confusion: DD, De GU & DP's

Does Mo Johnston take vacations to active volcanoes? The surly Scotsman sure does love watching a good blow-up doesn't he? News in TFC-world this afternoon is that a press conference has been called for tomorrow where any number of things may be possibly announced. The two most valid rumours swirling around involve striker/ bald messiah Danny Dichio and the other our favourite defensive midfielder/ afro enthusiast Julian De Guzman.

The Dichio rumour is that the team's original cult hero will announce his "voluntary" retirement from the game and subsequently begin his new role as a coach for the club. There has been an uncomfortable air around Dichio and his playing time for weeks now and this isn't necessarily surprising. It does seem that the forward has been gently nudged into an early announcement considering he was already planning to retire a month and a half from now. The timing of the announcement lends credence to the second half of this rumour and its necessary cap room involvement. The coaching job offer was a necessity for Mo Johnston in order to prevent mass riots at BMO Field if Dichio would have been released outright. Dichio could be a positive influence in TFC's coaching staff as long as he's not being groomed to be Toronto's version of Kevin Keegan.

The move to eliminate Dichio's salary is apparently to make room on this year's wage bill for the introduction of none other than Julian De Guzman. Reports have placed the Scarborough native and La Liga standout in Toronto and claim that a three year plus Designated Player contract has been signed and awaits MLS approval. If it goes through, De Gu will be suiting up for the remainder of this season and the three following ones. Reports are conflicting whether or not any concrete announcement about De Guzman will be part of Wednesday's conference. Whether the 28 year old realizes the club plays on spray-painted concrete is unknown.

The announcements have come out of the blue and in true TFC fashion, have occurred during some awful play on the pitch. What another DM, even one as talented as De Gu, does for a team who can't score is a question for another day. One thing that is safe to predict is that Dichio will not be the last of TFC's original core of veterans who are shown the door between now and next season.