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Monday, October 7, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC Designated Player sales pitches

"I've bought DP's for Brockway United, Ogdenville Athletic and North Haverbrook FC"
Look here gang! News on the transatlantic cable is that high-falutin' business mogul Tim Leiweke is hopping on a steamer to the Olde World to grab him some of them blue chippers see! True story folks, step right up, your Toronto Footballing Club is set to be shined up like a new trolley when Ol' Timbo returns with a couple of them European type Dee Pees! What about the other 9 players you ask? Why that sounds like Communist talk. You're not a communist are you? Now we're cooking with petrol! Just how you ask will our silver-tongued shopkeeper sell TFC to these costly kickballers? Like so...

11. "You're already only 10 goals away from being in the All-Time TFC Leading Goalscorers Top 5!"

10. "If you squint hard and hum loudly during the pre-match bird display you can almost pretend you signed for Benfica!"

9. "Ah, Toronto in February... it's the Paris of the Eastern Great Lakes"

8. "Don't worry, if you don't like the manager there's a new one due every 9 months!"

7. "Those rubes at BMO Field are so starved for the minimum level of success they will make you their god!"

6. "You have the chance to avenge the centuries-old European vendetta against the people of Columbus, Ohio"

5. "Plenty of good Wall of Honour space still available!"

4. "Plenty of down-time to cruise for chicks with world-renowned wild and crazy gigolo Tim Bezbatchenko"

3. "You may get a chance to glimpse the Raptors' Global Ambassador Drake... if not you will definitely meet the Toronto FC Global Ambassador - the original bassist from Platinum Blonde"

2. "Get in on the ground level of the 4th 5-Year Plan"

1. "Pick up where the legendary Mista left off"

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