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Monday, January 13, 2014

It's some kind of deal! TFC unveil Jermain Defoe AND Michael Bradley

"You new here too?"

Remember that mumbling, rather serene press conference in the BMO Field press room the last time TFC introduced two DP's? That day it was Torsten Frings and Danny Koevermans taking on the roles of TFC Messiahs 1 & 2 but compared to the show at RealSports Bar in Downtown Toronto today... that was a bloody small deal.

From his arrival at Pearson yesterday, the full page ads in Toronto dailies this morning and to the trail of potential WAGS strewn through the 416 - the whole football world knew that today was "De-Day" - Jermain Defoe's Debutante Ball. However in what must have been a Tim Leiweke erotic promotions fantasy - that wasn't big enough. No... like the finest wrestling card, American midfielder/trainee Super Villain Michael Bradley appeared from backstage and joined the fracas! Mic drop.

Live from the back of a double-decker bus, here are some of our favourite observations:

- A return to supporter good times chanting "This Is Our House" from the RealSports upper deck. Doubt that beers cost $15 bucks in their actual houses.
- Tim Leiweke speaking in front of rowdy crowd and largest media presence in TFC history aka "one off his bucket list"
- Leiweke saying all the right things such as "nothing is won today" and "why can't we be great". Managed not to say "btw - you may want to re-mortgage house before 2015 season tickets go up"
- Jermain Defoe comes out to a raucous cheer. Scans crowd for glamour models in the house. Makes mental notes. Sits down.
- Defoe: "I'm a winner"; "To win trophies - that's what it's all about"; "I'm the new Jeff Cunningham LOLZ!" (He may not have said that)
- Back to Leiweke who missed a good opportunity to introduce the "surprise" guest in wrestling ambush style...
- Michael Bradley emerges dressed in all black to do nothing but concrete his image as a James Bond Super Villain.
- Bradley a man of few words - the ones he does say sound amazingly like Breaking Bad's Jesse Pinkman. It will be our goal to get him to say "Yo TFC bitch" this season.
- Ryan Nelsen says a few words - just realized he finally has a reason to say "Juh-main" a la Flight of the Conchords. Prisint.
- Floor opened to the media... and the first question in this international presser goes to... a kid from Seneca College?! Umm... was a dying boy's wish granted or something?
- There are Drake questions up the wazoo. No mention of Maestro Fresh Wes or Joey Jeremiah of original Degrassi. Shameful.
- BREAKING: Former TFC GM Mo Johnston is holding a live event in his kitchen where he will introduce BOTH bologna and cheese to a sandwich.
- T-Bez danced his best around a question on the status of Matias Laba. We say not looking good.
- Then a bunch more crap about Drake...

And with that, TFC's underwater Bloody Big Eel event ended. Or something like that. There are some grumps and naysayer's out there today (stop stealing our gig newbies) but for all the sizzle, it really is a fun day to be a TFC supporter. That's for you, rain-soaked fan who never said "I don't feel like going to watch them lose..." You're about to have more company in the stands, but that house will always be yours.

And... Since it's Monday and we are legally bound to bring you this... here is your Starting 11!!!


White Hart Lane: The BMO Field of North London
THE STARTING 11: Other features of the Toronto FC - Tottenham Hotspur Agreement

Part of the Jermain Defoe (hey, did you hear Drake called him?) official confirmation was the added caveat that TFC and Spurs had entered into a "marketing agreement" with each other. The deal includes a mid-summer friendly, Spurs merchandise sold at MLSE properties and other stuff like TFC having to RT and LOL all Spurs tweets. But, as with all deals there is always the small print where more details are found...
11. BMO Field to change name to "Great White (North) Hart Lane"

10. Toronto Raptors must throw every game against San Antonio

9. TFC get first refusal on any Sergei Rebrov transfer
8. A long-term community employment commitment from both clubs by hiring-and-firing managers on a bi-annual basis. (DONE)

7. David Ginola to open men's hair salon at Downsview training facility

6. The two clubs to share custody of the label "Champions League hopefuls"
5. Toronto FC-based Arsenal supporters forced to feel dirty about themselves

4. Jurgen Klinsmann available for both clubs during emergency crisis management situations (DONE)

3. Drake on loan to London until March

2. Bitchy the Hawk replaced with angry fighting cockerel

1. Our top prospects to be sold to Spurs just as they become integral squad member who will sell that player to Real Madrid just as he becomes an integral squad member



  1. Bradley's going to be an interesting add, as he'll add credibility in the US for TFC. Just wish we'd have been able to keep Bitchy.

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