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Monday, February 4, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli's trade to FC Dallas was delayed

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The worst-kept transfer secret in MLS is still a secret (EDIT: Yes we know now - see above. Thanks a lot official confirmation timing)... despite official Twitter releases and interviews on Major League Soccer's official website. At press time (yes, I referred to this site as "press". My mum made me a card that says 'PRESS' on it which I stuck in a Joey Jeremiah fedora... and I can do a mean 1930's newsie voice... "see?") no official confirmation has been released but it seems 99.9% sure that Eric Hassli is on his way to FC Dallas. Now most of us are used to MLS' taking 3-8 weeks to approve a deal that doesn't involve New York or Los Angeles but this one is getting silly. What is taking so long to cross those "i's" and dot those "t's"? "It's off the trolley I tells ya!"
11. Hassli requesting that all of Brek Shea's leftover hairstyling products be moved to his new locker upon arrival
10. The Greater Dallas Area Tattoo Association needs a week to stock up on ink
9. Hassli and wife waiting to see how the new "Dallas" handles the passing of Larry "JR" Hagman before agreeing on deal
8. Waiting for confidante Paul Mariner's Dallas-bound DP blessing to go" bask in the sun on a playoff-bound team"
7. Demanding a 1960's Citroen 2CV as company car
6. Kevin Payne and Schellas Hyndman meeting in a Texan honky tonk bar for "Over The Top" style arm wrestling face-off for cap room
5. FC Dallas mascot Tex Hooper needs time to work on hilarious new Parisian mime routine
4. Negotiating lucrative "Circus Shot Bonus"
3. FC Dallas yet to agree on changing kit to stereotypical Frenchman black-and-white hoops
2. Hassli demanding that Dallas defender George John legally changes his name to Jean-Georges
1. FC Dallas wants exclusive rights to all future ill-advised Toronto FC DP signings

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