THE MATCHUP: "Visit a last place team and let them freeze in the cold"

The future home of Harry Redknapp

TORONTO VS. DALLAS
　
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 4PM ET
TV: TSN 2
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Like some kind of Texan version of Oliver the Jeweller, FC Dallas is the club that buys our old, unwanted designated players. Oh yeeee-ahhhh! First it was Julian de Guzman for something to do with modern eras then most recently snapping up "Les Miserable" himself, Eric Hassli. The story of this match will of course be the return of said Frenchman who is now part of Queen's Park Texas Rangers' lethal/slow-motion strike duo alongside Kenny Cooper.
　
A note to Danny Koevermans for later this year - horizontal hoops are not slimming.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Designated Exchanger"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: John Bostock, Hogan Ephraim, Darren O'Dea
DALLAS: Kenny Cooper, David Ferreira, Eric Hassli
　
THE ODDS:
- Eric Hassli scoring the FIFA Goal of the Year: 10-1
- Eric Hassli and Kenny Cooper breaking the 3km/h barrier: 25-1
- Ryan Nelsen getting nostalgic when he sees Dallas' hoops kits: 100-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
Many in Toronto will think of FC Dallas as simply the team where we send expensive talent when they are deemed surplus here. However, it isn't only DP's that The Hoops have recycled off of TFC. The storage room under FC Dallas Stadium now boasts a set of phones that only dial a single agent's number, ten brand new five-year-planner diary books, a box of hilarious gag t-shirts that say "TFC Scouting Department 2007-2012", a giant tub of Butty Butter (TM) and some orange Lamborghini wax.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "HASSLI'S WIFE PLEASED WITH RESULT"