THE MATCHUP: Construction delays

"I'm too sexy for Crew Cat"



TORONTO VS. COLUMBUS
　
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 5PM ET
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
It's that time in the MLS schedule where Glasgow must bow to the pent-up intensity of centuries of Ohio-Ontario sectarianism as "The New Soft Derby" kicks off. Our canary-hued (7-Year) Auld Enemy is back in town to inevitably frustrate us in neither team's quest to secure the 2013 Trillium Cup. Crew may be facing a very different TFC on Saturday however as The Reds could give debuts to three newcomers: loanees Steven Caldwell and Jeremy Brockie, as well as recently acquired Bobby Convey (BRRRR! BRRRR!). You can't spell "change" without the "C" in "TFC".
　
Can Team Payne's Non-Youth Movement stop the late-match malarkey that has plagued TFC this season? Can Ryan Nelsen turn the ship around? Will there be an earthquake? Is Bitchy on the pipe? Since there isn't really any other news going on in Toronto today - this match will surely be the talk of the town.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The New Soft Derby"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Jeremy Brockie, Steven Caldwell, Matias Laba
COLUMBUS: Eddie Gaven, Federico Higuain, Dominic Oduro
　
THE ODDS:
The Trillium Cup to be:
- Damaged in an aftershock of Friday's quake: 10-1
- Turned into ceremonial civic crack pipe: 5-1
- Continuing its eternal irrelevance: EVENS
　
WHO ARE YA?
With the continuing mid-season roster changes, Toronto FC could very well have a starting eleven on Saturday with a near 40% turnover since opening day. Never ones to miss a beat, the TFC promotions team are using this to their advantage by offering the delicious new BMO Field concession: "The TFC Turnover"! This unctuous pastry is bursting at the seams with leftover fruit loaned directly from some of Britain's most mediocre farms! Don't miss out on the "Trillium Cup Special" on Saturday where fans can buy seven turnovers and get 10% off a delicious "Five-Year Flan"!
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "BOBBY CONVEY TRADE BLASTED AS A LEFT-WING CONSPIRACY"