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Monday, May 6, 2013

The Price is Red

We really could have used a 10...

When the annual salary report is released by the MLS Players Union it leads to all kinds of financial naval gazing among the clubs' supporters. Who is money well spent? (Cough, Bendik. Cough, Boss. Cough, Osorio) Who isn't worth their inflated salary? (Outcasts of the English Championship. Splatter.)
You will find all types of analysis in the near future regarding the market value of players, defender to midfielder algebra and a player's ability to make the moneyz rain. The closest we here at this site come to financial advisers is wearing "BMO" on our replica kits so instead we offer an alternative view on the value of the current squad. A simple look at what you could buy for the price of one of your Tee Eff Cee's guaranteed salary.
Whether you would keep the player over say... what is behind Door # 2 is up to you...
GALE AGBOSSOUMONDE - $53,166.67 or... 224 vowels on "Wheel of Fortune"
KYLE BEKKER - $67,750 or... 4234 new Presto transit cards
JOE BENDIK - $46,500 or... 4.3 Stefan Frei's
ASHTON BENNETT - $46,500 or... 5412 Chicken Roti dinners
JOHN BOSTOCK - $99.996 or... 208 sets of replica kits from his former clubs
JUSTIN BRAUN - $114,700 or... 1274 replica John Stockton jerseys
DANNY CALIFF - $165,000 or... 1100 hours with a tattoo artist
TERRY DUNFIELD - $120,000 or... 8571 sets of sock tassels
ROBERT EARNSHAW - $155,150 or... 5172 adopted whales a year
RICHARD ECKERSLEY - $310,000 or... 31000 bottles of SPF 60 suntan lotion
LOGAN EMORY - $48,400 or... 5377 autographed photos of Dustin "Screech" Diamond
HOGAN EPHRAIM - $180,000 or... 2250 seats to QPR's final Premier League match
STEFAN FREI - $200,000 or... 8333 protective face masks
JEREMY HALL - $90,000 or... 4500 "Best of Arsenio Hall" DVD's
DONEIL HENRY - $62,083 or... 41389 "Oh Henry!" bars
DANNY KOEVERMANS - $1,663,323 or... 43,772 "The Settlers of Catan" games
MATIAS LABA - $200,000 or... 114, 285 stamps for regretful letters back to family in Argentina
REGGIE LAMBE - $70,000 or... 389 (95lb -109lb) live lambs
ASHTONE MORGAN - $72,000 or... 5161 bottles of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
TAYLOR MORGAN - $35,125 or... 2517 bottles of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
DARREN O'DEA - $456,250 or... 58,870 pints of Guinness to drown post-match sorrows
JONATHAN OSORIO - $46,500 or... 203 nights in the Montevideo, Uruguay Radisson Hotel
RYAN RICHTER - $46,500 or... 924 scales
QUILLAN ROBERTS - $46,500 or... 193 pairs of tickets for "Avenue Q" on Broadway
DAREL RUSSELL - $109,874 or... $21,974 for each of Darel's names in his full name
LUIS SILVA - $105,400 or... 10,450 cover charges at Club Escobar
EMERY WELSHMAN - $46,500 or... 2906 new Presto transit cards
ANDREW WIEDEMAN - $65,000 or... 2167 "New Era" baseball caps

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