The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Sunday, August 11, 2013

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. Seattle... or make up your own damn funny thing, too hungover

I really should update this to read Seattle Coffees, as I could totally go for one

Oh my god... what's with the sun?  Damn it's so bright and stabbing my eyes...

I'm sure I'm gonna get fired for this post but whatever, a deal is a deal.  So I was out with a few bloggers last night celebrating @kzknowles pre-birthday, and I had a train to catch.  A few Somersby's later, I said my parting good-byes and made my way down back to Exhibition.  Everything got fuzzy after that...

All I remember is half a bottle of Cinzano later, some bunny ears and a woman with the largest bicepts ever yelling repeatedly at me "What a waste of money" and then laughing... and there was football in there.  I think.

OK, so here's what I wrote pre-match.  Looks like a love letter:

I am a big fan of Clint Dempsey. If there was a single yank that I wished was Canadian, it's Dempsey. He's a hard worker, scores clutch goals and plays the pitch. If the reports are accurate, Seattle paid in the vicinity of $9 million in transfer fees to land the 30 year old.  I wish him nothing but the best in Seattle and hope he delivers the goods.

In other news, Toronto signed an Academy kid (no disrespect intended, but we've been promised an Argentine for 5 months now, and you ain't him). Yay.

It's a gorgeous day out and Toronto is amongst the hottest teams in the league, winners of two in a row. 4 or 5 more, and we should be hot on the heels of 7th or even 6th in the east. 

Aww, that first part is adorable. I'm sure I wrote more in my One Direction diary kept in the nightstand hidden under my copies of Tiger Beat... ow, making fun of myself causes brain pain. 

You should be able to order asprin online by now.

OK, what did I scrawl in the note pad.

5' - two shots this early.  Both legitimate chances.  Sounded good.

16' - GOAL - Cross from the right side, three Seattle players lose their marker, Rosales taps it underneath Bendik doing a Spiderman/handball goalie savePoor Super Pickle.

How much water does it take for the pain to disappear and the memories to return?

33' - Obafemi Martins comes off injured for Dempsey.  At least if Clint is coming in, they're taking off another quality player.  What the f*** is wrong with me.  Do I normally write this?

36' - First touch, Dempsey breaking in on the left side of Bendik, gets denied by Ashtone Morgan.
I could see this being where the 'what a waste of money' came from.  Sure it was killing on the terraces.

40' - GOAL - Low cross comes into the Toronto 18 yard box, Doneil Henry gets to it and deflects it past Bendik.  Tragic.  I bet it was.

I'm thankful there isn't a word limit on this...

 46' - GOAL - Cross comes across, dummied by Lambe, Osorio step overs to lose his marker, pokes it left foot, Hahnemann gets some but not enough and in.  Lambe should get man of the match just for the dummy.

60' - Some real cutting passes from the Robins carving up Seattle finds Earnshaw with a go from the top of the box beating Hahnemann but not the post.  Outstanding start to the half.  This has to be total crap.  Can someone confirm this?  OMG when will this stabbing sensation go away...

66' - Seattle nearly pays us back an own goal but redirected just wide by (need to look it up).  I see how brilliant I am, now.  Real journalism shit here.

73' - Dempsey.  Seriously, that's all I f**king wrote?!? 

92' - How was Brockie not offside? How did that pass get through?  How did Brockie not beat Hahnemann?  OMG!  That sounded compelling.  Made stranger by the lack of ever-so-common act of Toronto end of game bed-shitting techniques I have gotten used to.

Full Time : TORONTO 1, SEATTLE 2

Man of the Match : Lambe for the dummy.  Didn't write anything else.

Goat of the Game : Did Braun play?  Probably Braun. 

Ref Rating : 5 out of 5.  Shit, I don't care.

Kit Spotting : just so you know where my priorities are, I have notes on this, just none of the other stuff.  Spotted old school Sheffield Wednesday home, Cardiff (proper) blue home kit with Earnshaw, but the America de Cali from Colombia... psh, that would've been something to remember.

Post Match : Pub was sooo good.  I remember laughing a lot as my face is sore.  No bruising, so I know I wasn't punched or ran into anything. People on twitter were messaging on how it was a good time.  Damn this living in Mississauga... and were all the streetcars only travelling west?  Why did I remember that... this report should've been a group effort.

Player Ratings : Bendik C/R, Eckersley C/R, Caldwell C/R, Henry C/R, Morgan C/R, Lambe C/R, Laba C/R, Osorio C/R, Convey C/R, Wiedeman C/R, Brockie C/R

C/R denotes 'can't remember'

@ignirtoq swears that his spotty memory gag is legit, and did not miss his 11:49 train, then called his fiancee to pick him up at the ground who brought him shawarma because she's the best. He would like to thank the company kept post match by name-dropping @theyorkies1812, @RohanKoomar, @WakingtheRed, @RedWineRoz, @BigWullieStyle, @grawsee and the rest of friends who joined us to celebrate @kzknowles pre-birthday celebration.


  1. What time is the Yorkies After Dark post going up?

    1. I think they'd (and the rest of us that were participants) would get banned from the interwebs if that was posted. :)

  2. Many thanks for the pre-birthday love. Getting this group together is always dangerously fun. :D And yes, all of the streetcars were going west and I've no idea why.

  3. We were sure that this post was supposed to have 20% more something. Ah well... can't remember.

    THE YORKIES: Your Champions League Team

  4. what about the Buzznik?

    1. The one in the all pink kit?

    2. That does the neck warm-ups