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Monday, August 12, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Other ways Toronto FC player's salaries could be spent

Put some Wellie on it!

Late last week, the MLS Player's Union (which shockingly doesn't include the three construction workers on Columbus' badge) released the latest salary list for their members. When these numbers come out it is always fodder for supporters to argue who is a bargain and who is a burden on their club's strict cap. It's not all about the digits though, in these tough economic times you have to consider just what purchasing power comes with your moneyz... (Figures in base salary. Tune currently in my head by Rob Base)

11. KYLE BEKKER ($46,500) or... 6200 one-way GO Train tickets between Exhibition and Oakville Stations

10. GALE AGBOSSOUMONDE ($46,500) or... buy the letters of his last name at a bargain price of $3576 per character

9. STEFAN FREI ($145,000) or... 14,480 cans of graffiti-quality spray paint and 1 map to Kevin Payne's house

8. MARK BLOOM ($46,500) or... 92,354 "Hi My Name Is: MARK BLOOM" stickers
7. JUSTIN BRAUN ($112,000) or... 561 decent brand-name portable GPS devices to help him figure out where the goal is

6. MICHAEL THOMAS ($57,750) or... make his dreams come true by paying the appearance fee of Miami Vice star Philip Michael Thomas and have him show up at practice

5. JOE BENDIK ($46,500) or... 13,323 jars of Bick's Pickles and 1 plastic fork

4. DANNY KOEVERMANS ($1,250,000) or... a 24K solid-gold knee brace, a $500 gift card to International House of Pancakes and 38,590 "Bon Voyage" cards
3. JEREMY BROCKIE ($175, 200) or... 4 First Class airline tickets from Toronto to Wellington, 360 pairs of high-end Wellington boots and an 8x10 autographed picture of Flight of the Conchords

2. REGGIE LAMBE ($67,500) or... a one-time pay-off to Reggie Lambe in return for the explicit videos of MLSE Board members that he must own in order to explain how he still has a starting role at Toronto FC

1. MATIAS LABA ($200,000) or... 1 flashlight and 23,529 boxes of bread crumbs to make a trail between Toronto and Buenos Aires so that he can escape back home in the middle of the night

"Joy.. and Payne"  

1 comment:

  1. Pretty funny and clever, if over the top sarcastic; will Toronto and its sports fans ever change and see the lighter side of this ridiculous situation and how we can relate to it? I hope so.

    Here's an option for a start, , let's figure out how much it would cost, i.e. would it be more or less than a Budweiser King Club Pack?