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Monday, September 9, 2013

THE STARTING 11: New TFC GM qualifications

"Did someone say two candidates?"
MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke took his message of love and demands of submission to his subjects at yesterday's TFC Season Ticket Holder BBQ/"Oh Look a Hawk, let's not talk about Portlandapalooza". While talking great spin about never talking about doing spin, Leiweke did mention that his search for Kevin Payne's replacement is progressing rapidly. Apparently TFC is down to a shortlist of two with resolution not far off. It's a tough decision but what qualifications are needed to fill football's biggest job opportunity since the hiring of the new Barcelona Head (of janitorial services)?

11. Someone who can proudly expound the virtues of the clubs "All For One" motto... without giggling

10. A person not affected by the XXX video evidence of MLSE pagan rituals owned by Reggie Lambe which is the only possible explanation of the employment of Reggie Lambe

9. A professional with deep connections to continue enhancing the already lucrative pipeline into the English lower division loan market

8. A candidate who is willing to honour Jim Brennan's 75-Year Guaranteed Employment Contract

7. An Australian... just to watch Ryan Nelsen lose it every day

6. Somebody that knows how to build a team for long-term success... on artificial turf

5. A well-spoken person who can express in four simple words that supporters "need to be suitably prepared to accept and be silent towards the inevitable annual repetition of short-sighted corporate greed"

4. A real "numbers guy" i.e. someone that can tell the difference between a 5-Year Plan and a 10-Year Plan

3. None of the applicants named Beau Johnston, Mo Jackson, Maurice St. Johnstone or Moe Jetson

2. A capologist/crapologist

1. An individual that understands that at Toronto FC winning comes first... well after profits; promotional endeavours; advertisers; Heritage Nights; CFL Stadium re-designs; false DP rumours; Bitchy the Hawk; TFC TV; pyrotechnics; thundersticks; and, ticket renewals. But after that - winning comes first!

I've got the brains, you've got the looks
Let's make lots of money
You've got the brawn, I've got the brains
I'm Tim Leiweke

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