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Monday, October 21, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Other ways TFC can spoil Montreal Impact's weekend

"Keep those hands up you ginger bastard!"
"Spoiler". Webster's Dictionary describes it as "Toronto FC after April". It's true - we looked up "dictionary" on Wikipedia. Indeed, it seems as if The Reds only purpose for existing after springtime’s faux-optimism has worn off is to trip up good clubs as they try to reward their fans. How novel! We really do need to add "If we can't have nice things then why should you?" in Latin under the TFC badge. The role of spoiler takes on added emphasis this Saturday as our rivals from up Le 401 visit amidst their hunt for the playoffs and our hunt for a long nap. Whilst we can't trust TFC to spoil L'Impact's on-field fortunes, we can still be petulant in other ways

11. Announce to Canadian media that TFC is holding a protracted referendum to decide if they should win or lose this weekend

10. Refer to BMO Field in all future media as "The stadium that ended Alessandro Nesta's career"

9. Re-work this famous Quebecois song for our own entertainment: CLICKEZ ICI (now if there were just some useful lyrics we could come up with...)

8. Get Ryan Nelsen to sport a sexy Samuel de Champlain hair-do

7. Create a giant tifo of Mitsou wearing nothing but a Bendik shirt

6. Announce that the Argos are moving to Stade Saputo

5. Replace the away supporters' regular Pepsi-Cola and Jos.Louis snack cakes with new Folger's Crystals!

4. Hold a Bocce Ball tournament at halftime to distract Impact's elderly Italian players during the 2nd Half

3. Put famous Montreal mascot Youppi's head in Joey Saputo's hotel room bed

2. Sign two of Europe's most expensive strippers to DP contracts

1. Park the bus in both official languages
And… since we are saying "Bye-Bye" (at long last) to this season and we need to be reminded why Quebec hates our freedom, here is the worst thing you will hear today. (Yet still inexplicably alluring)


  1. You can take cheap shots at Di Vaio and Nesta all you want, but it still won't change the fact that those two elderly Italians have achieved more in soccer then TFC. They also helped Montreal surpass TFC on the field. You should be making a list in how sad it must be to be a TFC fan.

    1. Seriously man? Before you leave a dumbass message - first learn irony then read more than one article.

      You will see that few other TFC sites call out The Reds like this one.

      Maybe irony hasn't passed east of Ottawa yet.

    2. To tell you the truth I'm from Mississauga, and was really just commenting on how a TFC fan shouldn't make fun of two players who have had more success in soccer then TFC has. I'm not an Impact fan or a TFC fan, I don't even follow MLS. I do understand irony and see it in this article and have read the more scathing articles that are directed at TFC. I just didn't agree with the "elderly italian" remark.

  2. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke?
    ANSWER THE POLL and you could win a prepaid VISA gift card!

  3. I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.