THE STARTING 11: Ways that Toronto FC plan to ring in the New Year

Oh let's just all pretend shall we?

2014... the year we make contact. With the playoffs. Possibly. Maybe. Oh, who knows.

Yes, four years after Roy Scheider, John Lithgow and some possibly Russian actors orbited Jupiter (we're up on the movies that the kids on the streetz like), we rocket into a new year full of promise and hope. Is this the year that the post-season monolith ("2010" joke. So hot right now!) is scaled by The Reds? Time will tell but first they have to get their house in order and maybe even make time for one last celebration to bid farewell to a dreadful 2013.

11. Set up a fancy, teetering tower of champagne glasses. Keep Bright Dike away from fancy, teetering tower of champagne glasses.

10. Turn a blind eye as a drunken Kevin Payne walks around BMO Field dressed as Baby New Year

9. Countdown the last 10 seconds of the year as Bitchy the Hawk flails maniacally down a pole

8. Complete the installation of gold and ivory fittings into Jermain Defoe's eight new club-expensed Toronto-area mansions; fuel his fleet of brand new private jets; and, wash and bathe the region's Top 100 glamour models in rosewater and lavender in preparation for his arrival. (# 8 courtesy of the fine men and women of the British tabloid press)

7. Promote Jim Brennan to Regional Assistant to the Vice President of Auld Lang Syne

6. Get Drake to perform at MLSE New Year's bash. Immediately put him back into frozen carbonite afterwards until transfer window re-opens.

5. Hold massive fireworks show at 12:01AM by using all of the leftover BMO Field 2013 post-goal celebration pyrotechnics

4. Listen quietly as Tim Leiweke makes vociferous promise to give up making promises as his New Year's resolution

3. Order new 2014 desk calendars for the TFC front office. Save money by only getting Ryan Nelsen one that goes until June.

2. Ask the Argos for a slow dance

1. Work out the exact date in 2019 when the next 5-Year Plan expires

HAPPY NEW YEAR ERRY'BODY!

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot,
and never thought upon;
You know... like Jacob Peterson.



 

ALL THESE WORLDS
ARE YOURS EXCEPT
EUROPA
ATTEMPT NO
LANDING THERE
USE THEM TOGETHER
USE THEM IN PEACE