THE STARTING 11: De Ro contract demands

Just do it already. Don't wait for Raivis to help you!



We know transit in Scarborough is bad but this is getting goofy. In what is turning out to be the slowest prodigal son return in ages, former and (99% sure) future Red Dwayne De Rosario is inching towards a new TFC contract. Now we all know the man knows how to sign things with a flourish so what demands could be holding back the formal announcement?

11. Annual fully-paid trip to Glasgow... no questions asked

10. Bestowed the title "Archduke of Scarborough" - baron of all lands he surveys eastward beyond Victoria Park Ave.

9. Andy Iro, Danleigh Borman and Leandre Griffit to perform as his backup dancers during every post-goal celebration

8. Allowed to make ironic contract signing at press conference using Tom Anselmi on all fours as a table

7. All past bad blood between TFC and De Ro to be brushed aside to media with phrase "we were on a break"

6. Any fixtures currently scheduled for SkyDome to be relocated to the food court at Scarborough Town Centre

5. A separate Wall of Honour dedicated to all of his past hairstyles

4. Argos to Malvern

3. TFC Academy teams to be re-branded as "The Below 'Sarios"

2. Gets Wednesdays and every second weekend with Drake

1. Five minutes locked in a soundproof room with Mo Johnston