THE MATCHUP: Feeling Gouda

TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 1ST LEG
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- What are you? Some kind of Anti-Canuckite Hoserhater? It's the final of this country's highest club football honour!
- It's also a BoGo "401 Derby"! Sacre Bleu! What more do you need?
- A chance for TFC to mend many broken hearts and egos following a 6-goal destruction at this very opponent's hands.
- Montreal is going through their toughest stretch as a club since joining MLS.
- Two managers with unknown futures (OK we know what Klopas' is) have a chance to salvage less than great early seasons with some silverware.
- A chance to see Issey Nakajima-Farran giving TFC the old stink-eye from a private box!
- It's just like this past weekend's Champions League Final - but with loads more poutine!

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Ryan Nelsen vs. Frank Klopas

WHO ARE YA?
After a string of awful performances and a 2014 season that has seen Impact flounder near the bottom of the league, bombastic club president/dairy kingpin Joey Saputo promised imminent changes. And he wasn't kidding, with players now facing a much tougher environment in an attempt to shake things up.

First, Saputo bought the "Laughing Cow" brand of spreadable cheese and replaced the brand mascot with an angry, all-knowing cow which stares at players with dead, disappointed eyes; all sideline Gatorade products are now Partly Skimmed; halftime oranges have been replaced with a chewy, hearty ball of Mozzarella di Bufala; finally, both French AND English have been banned from the club with the only acceptable communication being threatening-sounding movie-Italian.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 28th, 2008: Police are called to a Toronto-area donut shop as an enraged Laurent Robert demands a face-to-face apology "from this Monsieur Tim Horton for this sacrilegious monstrosity he dares call a croissant".