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Monday, May 26, 2014

THE STARTING 11: Baldomero Toledo pastimes

No two words strike fear into the hearts of MLS supporters more than: Baldomero Toledo. The name is whispered in terror across pre-match terraces; alerted across new media like an oncoming tornado warning... grown men have shed single dramatic tears of impending doom upon its utterance. He is but one man but if he has been selected to officiate your MLS match you can be sure of one thing... a terrible day. That and cards. Lots and lots of cards. Surely there is a human side to this foul-happy menace though? Surely on his off days he's just a regular guy who puts his shorts on one leg at a time...

11. Throws large objects into rivers just to watch the natural flow of things get ruined

10. Attends local community theatre - constantly stands in front of the spotlight

9. Works on his slightly above-average Chazz Palminteri impression

8. Takes hot selfies pointing to "the spot"

7. Getting thrown out of Hallmark stores for running around and obsessively lifting all of the greeting cards in the air while blowing a whistle

6. Spends hours in his garage trying to install a homemade ejector seat into his Toyota Camry

5. Grooming Silviu Petrescu as the 2nd Dark Lord of the Sith

4. Checking calendar for his next scheduled TFC match... laughing maniacally for hours

3. Long romantic jogs down the beach backwards with a couple of linesmen

2. Battling his arch-nemesis: Hairoledo Dayton!

1. Daydreaming of ruining weekends for thousands


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