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Saturday, May 3, 2014

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v. New England... or is this Pestilence? War can't be far behind.

Is it gonna rain?  Is it gonna not?  How can anyone prepare for this crap?  Isn't there a roof yet?

Anyways, we all had a lovely bye week.  Relaxing.  I know I got to heal my "typist's finger" (no link to Wikipedia but there should be) and now I'm ready to go.

New England show up tonight hoping to keep their current form against a healing and improving Toronto FC side.  Sadly, our favourite new cuss word hasn't exactly been lighting it up as Fagundez as yet to score.  Even worse, the bastard son of a Canadian legend (from here on in known as "BSoaCL") HAS scored once and that bothers me.

On to the match:

-3' - Looks like the weather is gonna hold off, this is gonna be nice...

-2' - Wow there's a few bugs.

0' - Holy sh*t there tons of them.

2' - OMFGnats!

3' - One flew into my mouth.  That's disgusting.

4' - Ahhhh... flare guy.  I've never been so happy to see a flare go off.

5' - Ugh.  Smoke's cleared.  Gnats are back.

6' - GOAL - Well that's a pleasant surprise, isn't it?  Jackson has a go from 20 yds out, takes a fortunate deflection off of a New England defender, catches Shuttleworth stuck to the ground.

11' - Oooh, that's a cold wind from the lake.  The gnats don't like that one.

23' - GOAL - Henry nooooooooo... what a howler of a pass, right to Kobayashi. Through ball to Mullins and three steps later,curls it around a lunging Bloom and diving Julio Cesar.

27' - Nguyen and Mullins play with the centrebacks but cannot finish as Mullins "deGuzmans" it well over the bar.

43' - YELLOW - Jackson for a dangerous collision Neumann.

Half-Time Mood : Annoyed.  My jacket is a killing field for the gnats of combat.

50' - Cold rain.  Sure why not.  No more notes now...

58' - YELLOW - Bradley for something

68' - SUB - Bekker comes off for Rey

78' - SUB - Jackson makes way for Issey

81' - PENALTY - Oh Henry (pun not intended)... New England working the ball around the box and Henry goes in for a block with his arm unnecessarily up in the air and, sure enough, Mullins fires it into his arm.  What were you thinking...

82' - GOAL - Nguyen converts sending Julio Cesar the wrong way.

87' - SUB - Bloom is out and DeRo is in.  Be a legend Dwayne...

5 minutes of extra time

90+4' - ... or not, you know, whatever.

FULL TIME : Toronto 1, New England 2

Man of the Match : This is tough.  I'm going to commit to Jackson, though strong arguments can be made for Gilberto, Bloom and Osorio.

Goat of the Game : Henry.  2 mistakes led to 2 goals.

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5.  Can't wait until FIFA finds out how crap you guys are on the World Cup stage.  And by "you guys", I mean "the ref".

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : Subs should've been earlier.  Wouldn't have been crazy to bring off Henry after the half, but even that I was 50/50.

Kit Spotting : saw a Wigan kit from a few years ago.  Sure, that wins.

It's the fun new drinking game that's all the rage amongst supporters, if Gilberto nearly scores, do a shot.  So many people would've been polluted by games end. 

I feel terrible for the guy. 

He's playing so well, but he is so close.  He could've easily had 4 goals this afternoon, but nothing worked.  As a fan of workrate, you can't beat him, but at some point in time, this experiment will need to change.  Sure, many of the chances on offer weren't of the highest quality, but even that becomes tiresome.  Hopefully when he opens his goalscoring account, it'll be on a brace before half-time, which is completely plausible.

Thrilled that BSoaCL (see 3rd paragraph) was kept off the scoresheet, but secretly disappointed that Fagundez didn't score. Can't have enough samples of an announcer saying his name for the podcast censorship gag... This game should've been brought to you today by a dry cleaner. They'd have made a mint... Osorio pulled up very hurt in injury time. I'm surprised he hobbled his way to the middle and then chase... Individually, many Robins had very good games.  Collectively, they were poor though the game was entertaining... Thanks to the staff for not being jerks about people trying to stay away from the swarm.  Could've easily forced us into our seats... Injury time was just harrowing stuff.  So close to sealing the deal.  Sorry if you left too early... Hey, does anyone want one of the re-imagined retro kits from last season?  Putting in an order soon.  Completely custom.  Click for more information. 

Player Ratings : Julio Cesar 7, Bloom 7.5 [De Ro N/A], Caldwell 6, Henry 5.5, Morrow 6, Jackson 7.5 [Rey 6], Bekker 6.5 [Issey N/A], Bradley 6, Osorio 7, Gilberto 7.5, Defoe 6.5.

@ignirtoq really hates bugs and thinks camping is one of the stupidest things anyone can do. He has successfully refuted every and any opportunity to go camping and secretly thinks less of those that do. Except no longer due to this by-line.

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