THE STARTING 11: Rob Ford/TFC similarities

"C'mon you're red!"

 

Have you heard this one? "What do the Mayor of Toronto and Collin Samuel have in common? They both have more than enough to eat at home!" Hey-ooooo! Like a sociopathic Godzilla with dangerously high blood pressure, Toronto's international celebrity CrackMayor(TM) continues to rampage through our once-fair metropolis. TV cameras from across the globe are trained on "The Etobiyokel" awaiting his next scene from "Tommy Boy" - but hey - there's no such thing as bad publicity right? Forgotten local football club TFC sure would like a little free international press. Perhaps they should start highlighting their eerily similar Fordisms...

11. Both make regularly scheduled apologies to placate supporters

 

10. Their staff are constantly on edge over impending firings

9. Both court immigrants when it suits their marketing purposes

8. No one is ever quite certain what is truly going on in their offices

7. Both desperately want to live with the Argos

6. You can never quite tell if either are intoxicated

5. Both plagued by terrible football coaching

4. One said "pussy" live on national TV, the other play like "pussies" live on national TV

3. Both claim to have a 5 Year Plan

2. Neither likely to appear in a parade any time soon

1. Nobody really wants either of them representing our city

And... since we're talkin' similarities...



Paul Winsper leaves TFC - Ali Gerba exhales

TFC players with a sweet tooth can rejoice! The Reds' notoriously tough fitness coach Paul Winsper has announced that he will be leaving the club at the end of the year to take a new role at athletic wear giant/ South East Asian Employer of the Month - Nike.

Winsper, whose TFC contract ends at the end of this month, will move his family to Nike's Beaverton, Oregon Imperial base after a two-and-a-half year relationship with Toronto FC. Widely renknowned in the football world as a no nonsense type of guy, his signing was seen as quite a coup for TFC at the time. Winsper had spent a decade at Newcastle United prior to joining TFC and has garnered a lot of respect from his proteges - except maybe the chubby ones.

The Reds' did show some improvement in fitness over the last year or so but their late game stamina was also often questioned. A fitness coach with the reputation of Winsper is hard to come by but there is no reason why TFC can't put together an equally good program. With the new regime headed by Preki, perhaps it isn't a bad time for a change. Good luck to you Paul, somewhere Collin Samuel is raising a chocolate glazed in your honour.

Dawn of the Playoff Dead

With this being Toronto FC's first realistic challenge at the bottom of the MLS playoff picture, Toronto fans are experiencing the frustrating yet forgiving parity that comes with this league. Championship playoffs and football are chalk and cheese as far as we are concerned but that's a complaint for another day - we will play with the hand dealt in MLS. As it stands right now, TFC are somehow still mathematically eligible for the post-season despite a lacklustre campaign in 2009. It is possible, with quite a bit of help from other clubs, and a sudden three game backbone, that The Reds could still challenge for the MLS Cup. Like some kind of footballing zombies, you think they are dead but they still keep coming back and trying to qualify... and eat your brains. Well, if Collin Samuel were still here the eating part could be true.

There are two necessities that must take place for Toronto to make its playoff debut. 6 points at home against San Jose and Real Salt Lake are absolutely essential and they preferably need to win by as wide a margin as possible to avoid tie-break messes. The kicker though is the final game against New York. Toronto will have to pull off what has been so rare in the last three years - a road win. New York is well and truly out of it this season but perhaps the final MLS match at Giants Stadium may spur on NYRB a bit. TFC will have to man-up to get the 3 points on the final day if they want to play another match in 2009. Unfortunately, because Toronto has floundered for much of the season, they also depend on help from teams around them. There is an astounding seven clubs who can affect TFC's final position and who have all to play for themselves. The other MLS zombies we are running from are...

CHICAGO FIRE
Fire are still aiming for a high ranking in the playoff picture and will be playing hard. TFC isn't aiming for them but their away match against New England and home finale against Chivas USA could do TFC big favours. Chicago should finish strong and use the momentum to propel into the playoffs where they can do some damage.

SEATTLE SOUNDERS FC
The first year club (don't hear any excuses there, do you?) have had a fantastic year and currently sit in 5th overall. With two games left, Sounders need to play fairly well to qualify and could get a potential 47 points on the season. The schedule is friendly to them with an away match to magic-less Wizards and a home season closer to high-scoring FC Dallas. The Qwest experience on the last day should see the Green Wave wash into the playoffs which is a great achievement in year one.

CHIVAS USA
The Goats are likely out of TFC's reach and with a home match against Kansas, should have what it takes to grab a playoff position between 4th and 7th. They end the season away to FC Dallas but should have enough quality to safely see them through to the post season.

COLORADO RAPIDS
Rapids have been as inconsistent as Toronto this year and are definitely one of the clubs TFC is aiming for. Colorado has two away matches to end the season against playoff hopeful Real Salt Lake and the recurring fixture that is FC Dallas away. If Colorado gets 3 points from either match it might be enough to secure their playoff ticket but less than that and they will be in a dogfight for the 8th spot.

NEW ENGLAND REVOLUTION
Revs are one of the three playoff zombies, along with RSL and TFC, which have three fixtures left to play. A tough home and away with Columbus (gotta love MLS schedules) and a tough visit from Chicago means Steve Nicol's boys have their work ahead of them. New England has the hardest schedule of all the playoff wannabees but if they can get 6 points or more they should be able to secure a spot between 6th and 8th. Anything less than that sees the three teams below them eagerly nipping at their heels.

DC UNITED
The formerly perennial playoff contenders find themselves 2 points out of the playoffs with two games left to play. The reigning champs Columbus visit DC but the always difficult RFK Stadium should help that challenge. Finishing off the season against Kansas City is a good bonus for DC but there is no room for mistakes. United must get 6 points to have any chance of grabbing the last spot.

REAL SALT LAKE
With three games to go and 34 points to show for it, RSL has a challenge ahead. In their favour however is a schedule that sees them face two playoff contention rivals and the usually lame New York at home. 9 points would give RSL a solid shot at 8th in the playoff picture as it would mean them stealing points off of TFC and Colorado. Anything less than a perfect string and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir won't be meeting the team at the airport.

All of which leaves the hometown heroes (?) Toronto FC. This Saturday sees San Jose coming to BMO Field followed by the aforementioned RSL visit and capped off with the NYRB trip. A perfect run is necessary and to be honest there is no reason why they can't do that - on paper. Sadly TFC's problems seem to be in the spinal area and as highlighted earlier, it is not an area where they have shown consistency. If the players and staff back-up the confident talk with some solid play then TFC can potentially be the dark-horse of the playoff scheme. That being said, three wins in a row including a road win would be rarefied air for Toronto FC. If they can't be perfect they will go from being the playoff undead to the zombie head chop which is no playoffs... again... brrrr-ains!