THE MATCHUP: Busting ghosts

"Hey, Slimer! Hoo-Ha! I wanna know how you scored that goal!"

 

NEW YORK VS. TORONTO

RED BULL ARENA - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: TSN 2 (Droppin' a Deuce on the Weekend)

THE KICKABOUT:

What better place to reflect on the ghosts of past that still haunt Toronto FC than New York City? It was Manhattan after all, in the hot summer of 1984, which suffered one of North America's worst ever mass hauntings. Zuul, a minion of Sumerian shape-shifting demi-god Gozer the Gozerian lead a supernatural attack on the Big Apple that will traumatize us for years to come. #NeverForget

New York is also the site of one of TFC's most supernatural nights when The Reds, under the command of Mozer the Mozerian, ectoplasm'd their pants in a 5-0 loss that ended a season in a truly frightening manner. It was on that night, as the team's corporate captain decided to go all "Slimer" in the dressing room, which MLSE should have gone all exorcist on Mo and his minions but allowed things to rot instead.

Years later, TFC is still trying to escape from past rot but just can't seem to stop scaring us. The specter of a possessed management and the dark shadow of the Argos at BMO only illuminate the skies with particle beams of future frights. Tim Leiweke has to come out now and bust Pinball the Clemzerian's dreams of haunting our house so we don't look back at late 2013 like we look back at late 2009. After all Tim - "Bustin' makes you feel good". Fact.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The Gozer the Gozerian Testimonial Match"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

NEW YORK: Thierry Henry, Jamison Olave, Jonny Steele

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Jonathan Osorio, Alvaro Rey

THE ODDS:

TFC's big off-season signing most likely a:

- Keymaster: 100-1

- Gatekeeper: 50-1

- Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

THE TFC ALL-TIME GHOST XI

STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN

VINZ CLORTHO -  KEYMASTER  - GATEKEEPER -  SLIMER (C)

VIGO THE CARPATHIAN -  ZUUL - GABE GHOULA -  ERNIE HUDSON

MISTA -  GOZER

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "I AIN'T 'FRAID OF ARGOS!" (Not true)

And... Since this site is nothing if not a hotbed for cutting-edge music and graphics... Press play, bustin' makes you feel good...



UPDATE: What do you buy the team who can't score a goal? Another goalkeeper! TFC made a trade - Stefan Frei is still rotting on the bench. Enjoy.