THE STARTING 11: Headlines that would have made 2009 worse

--------------------That is some quality toad. Nice hole too.

Well, that's it then. 2009 is done and dusted with Toronto FC having nothing but a big wad of mediocrity to show for it. But have no fear brave TFC supporters - Mo Johnston is working feverishly to make everything better! (You! Step away from the ledge!) Well, you always have to look on the bright side though right? Imagine opening the newspaper and...

11. DE GUZMAN LOSES AFRO IN FREAK TURF ZAMBONI ACCIDENT

10. MONTREAL TO FIELD BEST SQUAD IN CANADA CUP FINAL

9. CHRIS CUMMINS TIPPED FOR ADULT FILM CAREER "I GUESS IT'S MY NAME" SAYS EX- COACH

8. JOHN CARVER ESCAPES WITH NEW BMO FIELD RECIPE: "TOAD-IN-THE-HOLE-ON-A-STICK"

7. DICHIO ATTEMPTS TO GROW ADRIAN SERIOUX-LIKE DREADS: FALLS INTO DEEP DEPRESSION

6. BITCHY THE HAWK GOES MISSING: HALF-PRICE WINGS AT BBQ PIT

5. ROHAN RICKETTS RELEASES FIRST SINGLE: "SOCCER RAP" GOES TO #1 ON CHARTS

4. PLAYERS ON TRIAL ACCIDENTALLY BURN DOWN BMO FIELD DURING PRACTICE

3. OUTBREAK OF BUTTY-FLU!

2. CARLSBERG GOES DRY - SUPPORTERS FORCED TO WATCH TFC SOBER: MANY LEAVE AT THE HALF

1. MO JOHNSTON SIGNS 2 1/2 YEAR CONTRACT EXTENSION.... (What?... Really?... But I was joking... Aww crap.)