The South Stand Report : Toronto v Los Angeles... or Everyone Safe From Riot as Almost No Shots Fired

Yes. This is the best I could come up with.

There's a riot going on. Apparently. See, for those of you who don't know/don't have seasons tickets/don't own cable, Toronto is the epicentre for the G20 meeting taking place. Not to be outdone, it's also taking place for another non-appearance from Mr. Golden Bollocks himself (see crap logo above). Also, no Landon Donovan. Nor the huge mistake of letting him go before his skills peak future golden boot winner "T.O. Reject" Edson Buddle. Surely 3 points are a no brainer?

It's humid, it's a police state out there (0:25 seconds in, the reference is good), and somehow a decent crowd showed up amidst the chaos.

On to the match.

Predictions have a bunch calling for 1-0 Toronto, and a lone 2-1 L.A.

Quote of the match

Capitalism will survive through the night

~ Tony

Amen.

3' - Peterson with a cross and OBW nowhere to be found. To be rewritten in "Yorkies speak" but not racist in any way : Vanilla cross with no White to be found.

18' - Pathetic Bullsh*t Call #4 of the match, OBW "ran over" Omar Gonzales for a free kick. Replay showed otherwise. If I knew they were going to be called so fast and furious in the opening minutes, I'd have documented the previous 3.

21' - In the most amazing move in 113 solidarity, the fans make "fake vuvuzela noise" for a few mins. Made all the better by someone doing their best inane play-by-play voice complete with English accent. Brilliant.

25' - Vanilla takes a shot at the edge of the 18 yd box. First real attempt from either side. Labrocca follows with a shot wide right from 20 yards out.

35' - Labrocca has another nice attempt, this time from 15 yds out, that bends nice but doesn't dip quite enough. Why our midfield is our only one taking shots, I don't know.

42' - WHERE'S THE CHAD?!?! OBW can't wrestle candy from a 3 yr old let alone a ball from a defender. In this "trap" that LA has been playing well (with the help of some suspect calls from linesmen), White is completely useless, and speed is what we are severely lacking. Labrocca as another go from 20 yds out and is getting closer to goal.

Half Time Mood : more excitement sitting than standing.

45' - SUB - OBW out, Chad in. I know I could be the gaffer, but give up the glory of smart-arsed match reports? Are you insane?!

48' - Frei makes a stop from 10 yds out with the defence letting him down.

53' - Juninho (no not that one) has a go from 10 yds out that hits the side of the netting. All the more amazing that he accomplished that with 5 defenders around him. Ugh.

59' - SUB - Saric out, deGoo in. Tony points out that this should allow DeRo to play up more in the forwards role and let deGoo run the midfield.

62' - Kirovski takes a header from 9 yds out in the middle of goal and finds the hands of Frei.

64' - Vanilla goes down outside the box and the ensuing free kick smacks into the wall. *sigh*

70' - SUB - Vanilla out, Gala in. If I made an apple jacks reference, would anyone get it?

74' - Cazumba is sooooo injured (rolling around, clutching face, so you know it's serious). We kinda wished he had a brother playing along side of him so we could say "hey, check out the Cazumbas on LA!" but that's all for naught.

84' - DeRo makes a nice run, crosses to Gala who's first touch ends up somewhere near the food building. THIS was the most exciting thing all half and arguably all game.

4 minutes of extra misery

Full Time : Toronto 0, Los Angeles 0

Man of the Match : Labrocca for actually shooting the ball.
Goat of the Game : it was a team effort to be this anemic... so pick one.
Ref rating : 2 out of 5. England game notwithstanding (though eerily timely), this is why replays are good. Takes the idiot factor out of the game.

You would think that with LA missing three of it's key players (well, 2 and Becks) that the indomitable TFC at home, no less, would have romped over the toothless Galaxy. Well, apparently we left the dentures by the sink as well. A boring match. I mean, really? We were entertained by VUVUZELA NOISES. Honestly. So bad.

Granted, being spoiled by the World Cup has us longing for something better *cough*Major League what exactly*cough*, this game couldn't produce a talking point beyond how there was no talking point to be had.

The worst part was, with this whole political backdrop, I wanted to use a Rage Against The Machine reference soooo bad. I mean, they're political. Angry. But I can't. Too boring. Dull. Sad. The game could've used some of this...