It's Swiss crackIt's TFZ - The Totally Fake-Rumour Zone: The # 1 source for Toronto FC gossip with zero sources! From the streets, from the bars, from your cousin Lou - the stories come in... and the truth stays behind!
This week on TFZ...
- Rumours based on research were floating this week that TFC's Swiss keeper Stefan Frei is on his way to Stoke City for $3 Million - who needs research? The real juicy slice has Frei, an avid connoisseur of Swiss cheese, on his way next year to rival Montreal Impact where owner and dairy magnate Joey Saputo is offering big bucks and a side job as “Head of Swiss Cheese Hole-Poking”. Not Gouda news!
- Maicon Santos has his eye on more than goal in Toronto. The Brazilian striker wants to transform Toronto into the mecca of Lambada in North America with a new chain of dance studios. Forbidden!
- Was that Preki on a shopping spree at Le Chateau buying suits that resembled the ones worn by German head coach Joachim Low? Meee-ow... Jogi Love!
- Former TFC star midfielder Amado Guevara claims he would trade his World Cup experience this summer for just one more Tim Horton's Ice Capp!
- Del Piero to T.O? This one in from regular TFZ reader Mario who writes that a guy in his gym is married to the third cousin of Turin's seventh best Fiat salesman who sold a used Cinquecento to none other than Juventus star Alessandro Del Piero...'s childhood classmate - who in turn says that the Italian maestro is at least 20% sure that Toronto FC exists. Done deal!
- Is a drug scandal brewing in the TFC locker room? Reports of yelling and an intervention after Chad Barrett became enraged upon finding that all of the "Fred's" had been eaten out of his "Flintstone's Chewable Vitamins" bottle. Yabba Dabba drugs!
- Was TFC's performance against Philly down to the players hitting "the sauce" at an all-night party? Whispers outside of TFC's Pennsylvania hotel saw a dozen foot-long "Philly Cheese Steaks" with a tub of extra cheese sauce being smuggled in by "gentlemen in red track suits with an odd array of hairstyles" late Friday. Still not Gouda news!
Add your own fabricated rumours below!
TFZ: Toronto FC 1 - Facts 0
"I need my Fred's man - gimme my f***in' Fred's!!!"
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This is my fave new regular on this site. If any one rumor on here ever becomes true I will trade in my Red Bulls jersey for a TFC one. Thanks for the constant laughs.
ReplyDeleteDanny, NYC