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Monday, January 17, 2011

THE STARTING 11: Nice things to say about the MLSE Board

"Tom, this panda is delicious! You can taste the powdered pickle!"

Us Yorkies have been tough on the Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment brass in regards to their stewardship of Toronto FC - and rightfully so! Seriously... they bought the team, Dichio scored a goal... pretty much downhill from there. When they announced this off-season that they would assemble a top-notch management team, we turned up our noses and waited for Earl Cochrane's introduction as GM. But, as we know... they shocked us all and bought Team Winter instead and thus kudos are rightfully extended.
With MLSE's extension of sudden goodwill, we tried to suck it up and say some nice things about them. It hurt. Hurt real bad. We tried to find some genuine things, we really did - but we are petty, bitter and pessimistic types and failed. So, in the absence of truth, here are some nice things we'd believe to be complimentary about Toronto's sporting overlords...
11. Worship a different gold/goat god for every sports franchise
10. Have a solid plan to invade Bermuda - convert it into fascist island dictatorship named "Leafs Nation"
9. Poltergeists in new Downtown condos down by 30%
8. Successfully trademarked phrase "The Rolling 5-Year-Plan"
7. "The RealSports Human Sport-Hunting Facility" ranked # 1 in North America for three years running!
6. Completely entranced and invigorated by J├╝rgen Klinsmann's forceful German speeches... just saying.
5. Know how to build a top-notch secret dungeon
4. Have almost nearly stopped making Chip Butty from people
3. Never leave any leftover endangered panda meat at Board luncheons
2. Have managed to conceal Mo Johnston's whereabouts for over 5 months and counting!
1. Always sacrifice virgins in a timely and efficient manner

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