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Monday, February 14, 2011

The Red Hot Reds' Supporters' Romance Quiz

"You'll never leave me, will you footballs?"

It's Valentine's Day today, the one day of the year where you really shouldn't spend the night watching Sky Sports News, sit around catching up on the latest Champions League updates (no Gareth Bale? Yikes!) nor dare I say it - surfing your favourite Toronto FC blog! But hey, you're here now so why not make the most of your break from romance and test your libido as a virulent, healthy Reds supporting male. Sorry to disappoint our female readers - but the ladies' version isn't up to scratch... our apologies to all three of you.

Much in the vein of your significant other's Cosmopolitan magazine "great sex" quizzes, we bring you The Yorkies very own "Are You A Hot TFC Supporter Or Not" test - 14 hot questions on February 14th. Since it's based in the world of North American football, just consider it a “Cosmos“-politan quiz. So, sit back in your sexiest TFC manties and take this very scientific analysis to see if you are indeed smouldering like BMO on an August Saturday...

HOW TO SCORE: 1 Point for every A; 2 Points for every B; 3 points for every C; and 4 points for every D

1. If you were buying your partner a sexy item of clothing, what would it be?
A) A comfy plush robe B) A pair of sexy high heels C) Some red lingerie D) A red & grey bar scarf

2. How long do you wait before trying to go to bed with a new lady-friend?
A) After 3 or 4 nice dates B) Try to seduce her on the 2nd date C) Nothing like a one-night stand! D) I use Mo Johnston's 5 Year Plan

3. What kind of hairstyle do you find most attractive on a lady?
A) Long blonde hair B) A sexy short brunette do C) Anything red D) Scarborough Corn Rows

4. What do you think is the sexiest animal?
A) A dolphin B) A black panther C) A beaver D) "Bitchy" The Hawk

5. If you were making a romantic dinner, what would be your specialty?
A) A steak dinner B) A pasta dish C) Chocolate Lava Cake D) Chip Butty

6. If you were to put some drinks on ice for the evening, what would you serve?
A) Some Ginger Ale B) Champagne C) An expensive red wine D) $9 Dollar pint of Carlsberg

7. What term do you use for "love-making"?
A) "The relations" B) "Getting lucky" C) "Scoring" D) "Drilling one into the box"

8. How would you best describe your technique in bed?
A) "Sweet & tender" B) "Masculine and assured" C) "Exotic and adventurous" D) Like a Dan Gargan tackle from behind"

9. If you could get your lady to "dress up" for you, what costume would you choose?
A) French maid B) A naughty nurse C) The "Scotts' Turf Girl" D) Stefan Frei

10. What is your favourite postion?
A) Classic missionary B) Her in control C) Something in the Kama Sutra D) Defensive Midfielder

11. What's your wildest experience?
A) A night in a fancy hotel B) A very public adventure C) Hooking up with a total stranger D) a 4-3-3

12. What name would you like your partner to call you in bed?
A) "Sweetheart" B) "Stud" C) "An animal" D) Danny Dichio

13. If you could choose a fantasy name for yourself - which would it be?
A) McDreamy B) Fabio C) Romeo D) Commissioner Dong Garber

14. If you videotaped your lovemaking it would most resemble...
A) A couples "how-to" video B) scenes from the Playboy Mansion C) a XXX DVD D) GOL-TV

If you scored:
14-20 points you are a TRIALIST: You've got a long way to go before you're ready for the big-time. Time to put down FIFA 11 and meet a real girl - watching the Women's World Cup doesn't count.
21-34 points you are in the ACADEMY: You've got a little bit of potential but there's lots like you out there. Work on your romance or end up in a USL-type relationship... or alone with your own Rochester Raging Rhino.
35-48 you are on the 1ST TEAM: You are definitely a Major Leaguer in the old football shorts department. However, there is still room for improvement so don't get too cocky or you'll end up like Jeff Cunningham - a chance to drive a Toronto-like lady wild but instead spend the rest of your days stuck with a Columbus-type wife.
49 points and higher you are a DP: No not that kind of DP (but your thinking is commended!) - the MLS kind! You are on top of your game and could have the pick of the litter at BMO Field. You've got the physique of a Dichio, the charm of a Ricketts, the accent of Laurent Robert and the animal magnetism of Raivis Hscanovics. Reds' lovin' ladies would love some of your support! "There's only one Valentine's!"

Like Cosmo, just more "S"... and Beckenbauer


  1. Clap, clap, clap.

    that right there is genius. well done sirs.

  2. Is it wrong that I like it a bit too much when my wife wears my year 1 Robinson shirt?

  3. like a dan gargan tackle from behind, wow that is one of the funniest things i've read in a while!

  4. Your apology is being considered. A pink ladies jersey with "Frei" on the back would help kick it over to "accepted".