Letters from Camp: Avoid the bike shop… TFC make Gordon jump

Today's headline is a treat for you fans of Diff’rent Strokes “very special episodes”… and Arnold's friend Dudley

GORDON IN A FLASH
A little Friday wheeling and dealing is on order today as TFC have finalized a deal with Chivas USA for 29-year-old forward Alan Gordon in exchange for midfielder/ personal injury lawyer Nick LaBrocca. The addition of Gordon is unlikely to get supporters’ hearts racing and some feel that LaBrocca was a steep price to pay for a squad-type player. The American striker has spent most of his career with LA Galaxy but hasn’t exactly been a prolific scorer at MLS level. His best stretch was on loan with Portland Timbers in the A-League/ USL early in his career. It is a curious move to say the least as he doesn’t exactly seem a likely candidate for “total football” but he is a sturdy target man and a good leader. The move may however, fuel the fire of rumours that Maicon Santos has fallen heavily out of favour with Winter & Co. In regards to LaBrocca , the deal is a bit surprising as he seemed to be fitting in very well by all accounts in the new system – obviously TFC didn’t need his help with their taxes after all.
　
LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE
As widely rumoured in Toronto FC circles (including these parts) for the last few days, the club has signed 24-year-old British Columbian Gianluca Zavarise on a permanent basis. The young Italo-Canadian seems pleased to return home to Canada after a nomadic career that has had stops in Italy, Germany and Greece. Reds manager Aron Winter seems to be equally pleased to have signed the youngster saying "He is a young player with skill and has a bright future. We feel he will fit well into the system that we want to play”. There's not too much to add to the Zavarise bio, so here's a chant to use: (to the tune of "That's Amore") "When... Gianni makes a pass, with a touch full of class, Za-varise! When he bombs down the wing, sends a cross flying in... Za-varise! Bada-bada-boom, bada-bada-bing, Za-varise!" Remember where you heard it first!
　
THE DOTTED LINE
While there still seems to be a little confusion over exactly how much prodigal son Adrian Cann will earn this season, it looks as if his defensive partner may soon get a raise too. Whispers attributed to the CBC's John Molinaro hint that Nana Attakora is deep into negotiations with the club with the a six-figure deal seeming likely for the promising Brampton native. The sticking point for the young Canadian International may only be the duration of the new deal with Attakora seeming to prefer a shorter deal rather than locking down his long-term future with TFC just yet.
　
In other contract rumourage, which can be filed under “Miscellany”, TFC Director of Player Development Paul Mariner dropped an odd piece of info during a radio interview. Speaking on The Fan 590 earlier today, Mariner mentioned that TFC was recently "close" to signing a great player of "the modern era" with English Premier League pedigree. Obviously he gave no further hints other than the deal "fell through" but he did go on to hint that another scoring threat could be signed soon which likely alluded to Alan Gordon. As for the former EPL star rumour - I bet Paul Gascoigne's ears were burning!
　
No really, I bet Paul Gascoigne's ears were literally burning.
　
OH! THAT'S WHY YOU COULDN'T SCORE! OUR BAD!
Finally the mystery has been solved! The reason Chad Barrett kept shanking one-on-one opportunities everywhere except for in the net was because he wasn't getting good service! Talking to a local Los Angeles media outlet Barrett explained his spotty scoring record at TFC compared to his new Galaxy role as such: "I know if I make runs that I used to make run back then, I know I'm going to get the ball ... when I wouldn't get the ball in Toronto," said the rich man's John Rooney. Uh-huh. Pretty sure we heard similar when Mo Johnston brought Barrett here from Chicago Fire too. Hard working guy? Yes. Average striker at best? Absolutely. This should end The Chad's local pseudo-hero worship already. Please.