The South Stand Report : Toronto v Portland... or something something something

...........................I know, it's totally genius.

You could hear the board of directors at MLS already bitching about Canadian weather. "See, THIS is exactly why we're not supposed to play games in Toronto at this time of year...". Bollocks to them, this time last year, it was 14C. Trust me, it was. Holy crap it's cold. If only there was something at halftime to look forward to to keep us warm in our hearts. Toronto, as you know, last week played 25 minutes of brilliant football against Vancouver. Sadly, it was the middle 55 that really did them in.

After the many months of stewing over being ticket gouged and still bitter about MoJo's involvement here, I am prepared to be a patient man. Winter can take is time. Seriously. A true system, with youth involvement, isn't a few months thing, it's a few years thing.

Predictions:

•Frostbite somewhere

•Coming up with a new punny nickname for Yourassowsky before halftime

•People overpaying for watered down beer (still)

•not a sell out crowd

•Toronto 2, Portland Forest Timbers 1

It was Victoria's birthday. Did you know it was her birthday? If I had a shot of Patron for every time she had mentioned it, I'd have been pissed out of my skull by the 38th minute. Would've been the best drinking game ever. There you go. Can't say we don't do anything for you. For the record, it was really damn cold. My fingers we ready to fall off after each note in the book, so I didn't write much.

14' - GOAL - Sweet little pass from DeRo in the box finds Javier Martina and slots it easy past Gleeson. Not too bad. 2 mins of extra time

Half-time mood: Optimistic yet cold. Toronto wasn't particularly amazing, but not bad either. A few weak moments in the back, but only saved by even more mediocre finishing from Portland. Nice to see that the team that is the expansion team is playing like one for once *grumble*Seattle, Philly and Vancouver*grumble* We were given a special treat. A "live" (as in he was there) performance of this new track by Kardinal Offishal. His lip syncing was passable.

Quote of the match: I haven't had this much fun all game! ~ Brandon

A close second was: Was that that rapper from Degrassi? ~ Tony

45 - SUB - "Like a" Sturgis out, Stefanovic in. 48 - Maicon in on goal after a blunder by the defence, has a run for 20 yards and slides a ball not quite far enough for a goal but was under no pressure. Suspicions that he's not really Brazilian surface.

56 - YELLOW - Yourassowsky is booked for something. Didn't see it.

68 - SUB - Zavarise in, Maicon Santos... or should we say, Mike Sanders?!

70 - GOAL - Wow. If you missed this, it should be goal of the week. Martina gets a long ball from Frei and chips Gleeson beautifully, over the right shoulder, off the post and in. Eredivisie calibre. Brilliant stuff.

79 - YELLOW - Gargan for two handing someone off the pitch like he wanted to ride his favourite swing at the playground.

83 - SUB (sorta) - Morgan was about to come in for Yourassowsky, then...

84 - RED - Yourassowsky gets a second yellow for taking his dear sweet f'ing time getting off the pitch and running his mouth. Thanks for the suspension idiot.

86 - SUB - Martina out for Morgan. Gets a well deserved round of applause.

Full-Time : Toronto 2, Portland 0
Man of the Match : Martina for the brace and the classy goal
Goat of the game : Yourassowsky for his giant WTF moment during substitution
Ref rating : 2 out of 5. Can't wait to find out that he's local. Ugh.

Player ratings: Frei 8, Gargan 5, Harden 6, Cann 7, Yourassowsky 5 Peterson 6, Sturgis 6 (Stevanovic 6), DeRo 7 Santos 5, Gordon 6, Martina 8

As a footnote, this victory puts us in second place for the Cascadia Cup with 3 points, Vancouver in first with 3 (advantage on goal difference) and Portland and Seattle with 0 points.

I'm only half kidding about the Cascadia Cup