THE MATCHUP: Security and weather to add Glasgow touch to "The New Soft"

Let's see BMO Field security pat that down

TORONTO FC (13th) VS. COLUMBUS CREW (7th)
　
BMO FIELD -  SATURDAY 4PM ET
TV: GOLTV    RADIO: FAN 590
　
The Trillium Cup, Major League Soccer's originally lame attempt to create a "rivalry" between Toronto FC and Columbus will never be mistaken for Glasgow's "Old Firm" derby. Quite the opposite in fact... making it the "New Soft" However, both sets of fans have organically turned this fixture into a decent rivalry (thankfully minus letter bombs) despite the fake trophy and official club promos. Either way, when Montreal arrives next year - this "rivalry" becomes less Celtic v Rangers and more Queen of the South v Forfar Athletic.
　
The ambience may be helped on Saturday by the Glaswegian weather forecast and the return of BMO Field's strong-arm security tactics including pat-downs and intrusive checks on the way into the stadium. This of course is deemed necessary by the "near-death" experiences cause by a couple of flares and a smoke bomb. Nearly 0.01 people die every year around the world from flares at football - play safe. Supporter culture looks good on MLSE billboards - but it sure seems like they would prefer soccer moms at the stadium. Less noise - more popcorn.
　
On the field, TFC desperately needs to find its backbone and rebound from a terrible performance against D.C. last week. It will be interesting to see Aron Winter's line-up after a performance against United he labelled as "shameful". Of course playing a club that Toronto has never beaten doesn't make the task easier, especially as Crew have held opponents scoreless in their last four matches. The Trillium Cup starts here - light your flares early.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The New Soft"
　
THE 'RERS: Julian de Guzman, Stefan Frei, Javier Martina
THE CROOPS: Will Hesmer, Chad Marshall, Robbie Rogers
　
THE ODDS
- The match's only resemblance to Glasgow's "Old Firm" being overzealous police, overly fried foods and sideways drizzle: 3-1
- TFC fans managing to catch the last 10 minutes of the match after wading through the new "pat-down" and property search procedures by BMO Field ‘s "top-notch" security team: 50-1
- Local florists reporting a run on trilliums: 250-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Saturday's match was in danger of being called off when two of the three dudes in Crew's logo threatened to go on strike. Left guy and middle guy agreed to a last minute contract extension
- "The Trillium Cup" ranked third in FIFA's "Most Popular Flora-Themed Competitions" behind the Swedish League's "Lingberry Trophy" and the Russian League's "Weed Growing in Concrete Cup"
- Columbus Crew have once-again been voted favourite club of the Partially-Sighted Football Supporters Union for their dedication to “being seen from miles away”. Crew held off stiff challenges from the 1988 Netherlands national team and Norwich City
　
DUTCH-ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION OF THE MATCH:
"Theshe Columbush kitsh burn my eyesh!"
　
GLASGOW REDGERS SAY: 2-1 Toronto
GLASGOW CREWTIC SAY: 0-1 Columbus
HEADLINE: "PRE-MATCH FRISKING HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY FOR MANY TFC FANS"