We pride ourselves on being a renaissance football blog and want to broaden the minds of our readers. It is said "man can not live on football alone..." Well no, sandwiches help. Either way, we are proud to bring you a new feature - "Total Cinema" - where Aron Winter and his fellow (often Dutch) thespians re-imagine some great scenes from modern cinema. To kick off this celebration of film, we bring you a scene from the 1994 Quentin Tarantino classic "Pulp Fiction" as performed by Aron Winter and actor / Toronto FC Assistant Coach Bob de Klerk...
"PULP FICTION"
INT. '88 OPEL ASTRA (MOVING) – MORNING
An old gas guzzling, dirty, white 1988 Opel Astra barrels down a pancake-ridden street in Amsterdam. In the front seat are two Dutch fellas – one white, one black – both wearing cheap black suits with thin black ties under long green dusters. Their names are VINCENT VAN VEGA (de Klerk) and JULESH WINNTER (Winter). Julesh is behind the wheel.
JULESH
Okay now, tellsh me about de donutsh.
VINCENT
Wat do you want to know?
JULESH
Well, donutsh ish huge in Toronto, right?
VINCENT
Yesh, they are huge, and a hundred pershent
shugar. I meansh you can not walk into a reshtaurant, have a shmoke, and eat a Dutchie. You are only shupposhed to eat donutsh at de offish or shertain deshignated plashesh.
JULESH
Thoshe are de Teem Hortensh?
VINCENT
Yesh, it breaksh down like thish: it'sh
legal to buy donutsh, it'sh legal to own
donutsh and, if you are de proprietor of
de Teem Hortensh, it'sh legal to shell donutsh.
It'sh legal to eat de donutsh and drive,
which doesh not really matter 'caushe –
get a load of thish – if the copsh shtop you,
they jusht ashk for de donutsh.
Eating de donutsh ish a right that de
copsh in Toronto have.
JULESH
Oh, man – I'm fuckin' goin',
that'sh all there ish to it.
VINCENT
You will dig it the mosht. But you know
what de funniesht thing about Canada ish?
JULESH
Wat?
VINCENT
It'sh de little differenshesh. A lotta
the shame shit we got here, they got
there, but there they are a little different.
JULESH
Exshamplesh?
VINCENT
Well, in Toronto, you can not buy beersh
in the filmsh theatre! Not even in de
paper cupsh! They give you a cup of
Pepshi Cola, like in de childrensh party!
In Ajax, Ontario, you can not buy beersh at
McDonald'sh! Alsho, you know what
they call de Royale with de Cheeshe in Ajax?
JULESH
They don't call it de Royale with de Cheeshe?
VINCENT
No, they eat with de Imperial shyshtem
there, they wouldn't know what de fuck a
Royale with de Cheeshe ish.
JULESH
What are they calling it?
VINCENT
Qvarter Pounder with de Cheeshe.
JULESH
Qvarter Punder with de Cheeshe. What are they
calling de Big Mac?
VINCENT
Big Mac'sh a Big Mac, but they call
it Big Mac eh.
JULESH
Big Mac eh. What do they call de
Whoppersh?
VINCENT
I dunno, I did not go into de Burger
Kingsh. But you know what they put on
pommesh fritesh in Canada inshtead of
mayonaisshe?
JULESH
What?
VINCENT
Tomato Ketchupsh.
JULESH
Goddamn!
VINCENT
I sheen 'em do it. And I do not mean a
little bit on the shide of de platesh,
they fuckin' drown 'em in it.
JULESH
Uuccchsh!
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I have a dutch axshent, ishn't that weird?
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