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Friday, May 6, 2011

THE MATCHUP: Oranje vs. Orange

Oranje you glad you're not Orange?

TORONTO FC (14th) VS. HOUSTON (6th)
 
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: GOLTV RADIO FAN 590
 
Apparently it's time for a fierce Eastern Conference "rivalry"! As if MLS' conference structure wasn't dumb-assed enough, manager Dominic Kinnear and his Houston Dynamo find themselves in the east half of the loop facing "rivals" like TFC while fellow Texans Dallas are in the West. Just brilliant.
 
After a disappointing 2010 which saw Dynamo miss the playoffs, their rare blip has been righted and "Orange Crush" seems to have returned. The Texans have been perennial powerhouses over the last few years and with a strengthened defence as well as the addition of promising young forward Will Bruin, they have made the Eastern Conference that much harder. Just don't mention that Will Bruin could have been a Red if Earl Cochrane hadn't traded our SuperDraft pick for Nathan Sturgis. Cough. Cough.
 
The Bruin-free Reds will be hoping that their midweek NutCan success has created a winning improvement rather than causing a massive let-down as seen last week in Seattle. Aron Winter seemed to choose passive punishment to his underperformers by playing a 1st Team squad against FC Edmonton but may have inadvertently caused himself a headache with potential injuries to Julian de Guzman, Alan Gordon and Tony Tchani. On the flipside, Winter should reward strong performances by Richard Eckersley and Joao Plata over the woeful Dan Gargan and lackadaisical Maicon Santos as TFC struggles to find their 2nd league victory.
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Orangina"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO FC: Stefan Frei, Adrian Cann, Javier Martina
HOUSTON DYNAMO: Will Bruin, Brian Ching, Brad Davis
 
THE ODDS
- If Dynamo take an early lead, Reds supporters making numerous Apollo 13 "we have a problem" jokes: 2-1
- Aron Winter becoming confused by Houston's Holland '88-esque kit and slotting easily into their midfield: 15-1
- Local NDP voters throwing their support behind Dynamo in a continuation of the "Orange Wave": 30-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- Dynamo's switch to the east is reflected in the SAT Exam conundrum: Houston is to the East Coast as Toronto is to Mexico
- Dynamo leave some bad publicity behind in Texas as a contest with team owner Oscar De La Hoya went terribly wrong. The "Take a Punch from the Owner" contest is currently under police investigation
- Houston Dynamo chose a dark orange fox as their cuddly mascot. "Dynamo Diesel" won the competition over 1980's TV private investigator "Matt Houston"
 
DUTCH-ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION OF THE MATCH:
"Hewshton we have shum problemsh"
 
ORANJES SAY: 1-0 Toronto FC
ORANGES SAY: 2-0 Houston Dynamo
HEADLINE: "KITS ONLY RESEMBLANCE TO DUTCH FOOTBALL"


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