THE MATCHUP: Lumbering Reds look to avoid the chop in Portland

If only there was a "Timber Clough"



PORTLAND (14th) VS. TORONTO (17th)
　
JELD-WEN FIELD - SATURDAY 11PM ET
TV: GOLTV -----RADIO: FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Can road-weary TFC break their duck against a Timbers squad who has lost 4 out of their last 5 in MLS?
- Who will man The Reds' ever-rotating "Wheel of Defence"?
- Will the newest TFC new boys Dasan Robinson and Peri Marosevic make their debuts?
- Will the famously raucous Portland fans show MLSE what they could have had at BMO Field if they would have treated Supporters Groups with more respect and cooperation?
- Has anyone ever seen Timber Joey and 80's Oregon-native pro wrestler Billy Jack Haynes in the same room?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Dutch Elm Diseaser"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
PORTLAND: Jack Jewsbury, Troy Perkins, Jorge Perlaza
TORONTO: Torsten Frings, Ryan Johnson, Danny Koevermans
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC supporters feeling pangs of jealousy with every camera shot of organized fan chants, tifos and songs: 3-1
- Ty Harden being mistaken for lumber - being chased around stadium by Timber Joey: 10-1
- Bob de Klerk driving Maicon Santos deep into the Oregon forests "for a run" - driving away furiously when Santos gets out: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- In a quest for any silverware, Toronto FC is still aiming to become the first non-Pacific Northwest club to win the Cascadia Cup
- In the waning days of the Vietnam War, The Timbers Army was actually drafted to fight the dreaded Viet Cong
- Portland, Oregon is also known as "The Rose City" and has been in a 38-year war with Portland, Maine over their shared name. The city's citizens are called Portly and the primary exports are incarcerated NBA players, ironic indie-rock haircuts and chainsaw-related amputations
　
THE WAGER: 1-0 Portland (2011: 18-11 with 6 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "TFC CUT DOWN IN CHAINSAW MASSACRE"

"Is that you Timber Joey?"