"The Gents" with Stan Bentley - "Lovely bit of pancake"

Welcome to "The Gents" with Stan Bentley - The Yorkies' regular advice column for our valued readers. Bring your modern day problems and have them answered by the most valued voice - a 1950's journeyman footballer. "Back of the net!"

　
　
Dear Mr. Bentley,
I am a bit worried about my finances and investments. What are your views on the European Debt Crisis? Wondering if I should diversify. Thanks for your help. Edward - Stouffville, ON
　
Well, well questions of international finance are quite the dill pickle aren't they chappie? Old Stan is no stranger with European markets you know! Played a friendly in Holland against De Graaf-something-or-other when I was with Oldham Athletic. Wanted to go out for a post-match booze-up but stubborn player-manager George Hardwick said we'd only be paid in Dutch Guilders. I said "I'm not using this Continental funny money" and stormed out. Only place that would take my shillings was a coffee house in the red-light district. Lovely bit of pancake, can't remember much else. Keep your chin up moneybags!
　
Hi Stan,
I'm cooking my first meal for my new girlfriend and I'd like to make it something really special. You seem to know a bit about the ladies, does a risotto and some chardonnay sound good? Dean - Peterborough, ON
　
What's this lad? Rossetti on Chateux-what? Sorry, old Stan doesn't watch French League football too often - too much faffin' about. I got pissed with Peter Bonetti off of Chelsea once if that's what you meant. As far as this meal goes... first of all you got your words mixed up - it said YOU were cooking for your lady. Obviously that's not right - so, I recommend telling your new fancy piece to cook you up a nice meat pie and slice you up some oranges for when you're halfway through the night. Finish it off with a brandy and a sugary tea. That should keep you limber for a full 90. Here's to the fairer sex.
　
Hello Stan,
My best friend and I had a stupid argument that has spiralled out of control. I say Torsten Frings is TFC's best player while he says Danny Koevermans - can you settle it for us? Frankie - Brampton, ON
　
Never good to have a spot of bother with a mate, Franklin. Still haven't forgiven Brentford's Gerry Cakebread for breaking my best shaving mug. Don't care if he did score 20 goals in the FA Cup. You can only really trust man's best friend... dogs. My Alsatian for instance, Douglas, now that is a mate. Yes he smells a wee bit eggy but no bother. Dogs... bloody marvellous creatures. Soviets sent one up into space you know. Lada or something. Can't speak for you Franklin, but I don't know of too many other cosmonauts knocking about! (Looking at you Gerry Cakebread) Glad I could settle things for you boys.
　
　
Have a problem, question or comment for Stan? Send Stan an email at theyorkies1812@gmail.com or leave a message in the comments section below and it may be featured in a future issue.