The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Reds serve up a BK whopper

Footballs? Pancakes? Boobies?

With just a week to go before "The Biggest Game In TFC History" (TM), The Reds continue in the group stage of The Mickey Mouse Cup. Tonight's opponent are Swedish also-rans BK Hacken of the Allsvenskan, marking the second time Toronto faces "The Hedge" in its history. It also marks a rare chance to trot out every Swedish stereotype and pun we can muster as we follow the match. IKEA allen keys at the ready... let's play meatball... er, football...

- The always fun MLS online stream kicks in just as "O Canada" starts up, leaving those watching back in Sweden angry that their anthem was muted. Sorry for the racism you three.
2' - Ty Harden back in the line-up tonight. He is the IKEA "Billy" bookcase of defenders. It does in a pinch but you know you need something better.
8' - Milos Kocic getting a chance to claim the # 1 spot tonight. BK Hacken doing their best early to give him practice. One way traffic - Volvo traffic - so far.
11' - I know this is coming from Disney World but does the cameraman have to be sitting on The Teacups ride? Online nausea.
14' - BK Hacken yellow card as Ashtone Morgan takes boot to the face. Dirty Viking.
18' - Torsten Frings playing in the conservative old sweeper role. Assumed that the off-season defensive makeover would fix that. Nope. Perhaps an aforementioned bookcase the reason.
23' - Miguel Aceval slams a Swede into the ground. Yellow card. Wussy non-Viking.
33' - MLS commentator quote of the match: "Free kick to the team on foreign soil..." may need an atlas.
35' - Frings cracks the woodwork from a long-distance free kick - Ryan Johnson caught offside trying to put in the rebound
44' - After sustained pressure, Luis Silva dummies a pass across Hacken's goal which Ryan Johnson slots home easily. TORONTO FC 1 - BK HACKEN 0
45'+ - Wondering if the Swedish Chef knows how to make a halftime Herring Butty

47' - Lingenberries were a bad idea.
52' - Danny Koevermans picking up a minor knock for the second game in a row
54' - Eric Avila, Koevermans and Reggie Lambe all miss putting TFC up by two
57' - A very dodgy penalty decision gives Hacken's Drugge the chance to level the match with a PK which he does with ease. TORONTO FC 1 - BK HACKEN 1
62' - Hour into the match and not a hint of a Swedish Bikini Team
67' - Removing Harden in the second half allowing Frings to play his most useful role in the centre of the park. Just saying.
70' - Second half much like Sweden's most hilarious comedy film... not funny.
73' - Kocic has shown more rust tonight than Stefan Frei did against Orlando City
77' - BK Hacken coaches yelling random "jorgi, borgi borgi, djunp dorp, dorp dorp dorp" at players. It's such a romantic language.
85' - Not a bad way to apply for a job as trialist Moises Orozco (P. Coltrane) scores a cracker for TFC in the midst of being fouled from behind. TORONTO FC 2 - BK HACKEN 1 (Awesome nickname courtesy of Waking The Red)
88' - Nick Soolsma has had cat scratch fever in the last 5 minutes
90' - Soolsma makes meatballs out of Hacken's defence before feeding Joao Plata a pass which the tiny dancer pops into goal. TORONTO FC 3 - BK HACKEN 1
90'+ - Back to the drawing board for Hacken. The drawing board of course being a set of IKEA instructions


  1. Feels like the season has truly started! A Yorkies minute by minute game recap! Huzzah!

    1. Indeed, like a blogging Ty Harden, we are shaking off the rust. The 1st match we did the wingin' it recap. This one deserved the full punnage due to The Swedes and maybe we'll try out the "serious journalistic recap" against FC Dallas. Well as serious as we get. (Yes there will be Brek Shea hairstyling tips)

    2. Serious journalistic recap? A minute by minute breakdown of Brek Shea's hair you mean?