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Monday, February 27, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Ways The Oscars would have differed if TFC produced the show

First of all, these statues should be in a 4-3-3

We know that many of our readers were far more likely to be watching highlights of Toronto FC vs. Orlando City on an eternal online loop, but for some, the biggest show of the weekend took place last night. Yes, the biggest thing to hit Hollywood since Chad Barrett, the annual Academy Awards, was held on Sunday with all the usual glitz and glamour in tow. Personally I will never forgive The Academy for shunning Scott Baio's 1982 classic "Zapped" but you know... it's all too political. While watching the televisual NyQuil that was the Billy Crystal helmed Oscars, we couldn't help but wonder how it would be different if TFC were producing the show...

11. "Bridesmaids" actually turns out to be a documentary about Toronto FC's playoff history
10. Award winners are escorted off-stage by Scotts' Turf Girls
9. Despite critical acclaim, "Tinker Tailor Keeper Frei" fails to win a single award
8. Cirque Du Soleil's artistic interlude replaced by non-union Quebecois circus performers kicking footballs at Pizza Pizza boxes
7. "The Dichio Song" wins for Best Original Score
6. Instead of the Best Short category split between "Animated" and "Live Action", now divided into "Ecuadorian" and "Bermudian"
5. Show features 57 minute long homage to 1970's Dutch cinema
4. Dog from "The Artist" attacked from above by "Bitchy the Hawk"
3. Best Foreign Language award mistakenly given to a clip of an Aron Winter press conference in English
2. Controversial Collin Samuel nip-slip
1. Best Supporting Butty

There is no justice...

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