"I can haz Santoz?"

"Revenge!"

Dear teh Toronto FC's,

　
Do you want to know why you really lost to teh Santos Lagunaz?
　
Me. Ow.
　
That is right spaniel-lovers, that handsome devil who ran across the pitch last night was I - Suarez Soolsma! I have single-pawedly ruined any chance you have of progressing in teh Championz League and finally... (Please wait... must lick my nether regions...)
　
...Finally get revenge on you for disrespecting my human life-partner Little Nicky Soolsma.
　
We used to be friendz teh Toronto FC's. I even let Terry Dunfield scratch my belly. (Soft hands... a bit sweaty). But now... I would not uze BMO Field as a litter tray! Well, not intentionally.
　
Little Nicky is doing better now - not that you asked. I'd say purrrr-fect even.
　
GRP! GRP! GRP! GRP! BLEEECCCHH! Pardon me... hairball.
　
Meanwhile you are left with your bunch of dog-happy felinists. Enjoyz.
　
You have officially been Suarezed teh Toronto FC's.
　
Meow.
Suarez Soolsma
　
Kralingen-Crooswijk (Cat Flap)
Nederlandz