THE MATCHUP: The Auld "Enemy"

"I can has tazer?"



COLUMBUS VS. TORONTO
　
CREW STADIUM - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: GOL TV
　
THE KICKABOUT:
It's hard for any TFC supporter to think about an away fixture at Columbus without harkening back to that frozen day in 2008 when thousands of hearty Torontonians invaded Crew Stadium. Many of them leaving without a tasering! That of course was in the early days of a manufactured rivalry over the rights to a flower but a mere four years later and such a fan mobilization seems sadly
inconceivable.
　
Back in 2008, Reds supporters puffed out our chests as "the league's best support (TM)" and travelled in large numbers throughout the Northeast and beyond. Columbus was our shining moment where we "arrived". However, a half-decade beatdown by bumbling management has seen us stumble into near-oblivion while gritting our teeth at a Columbus club that has been steadily solid during that time.
　
God bless the hearty TFC supporters that still brave road trips and are usually rewarded with a loss (and yes, we still have Montreal) but watching that empty away end at Crew Stadium on TV is a stinging reminder of what could have been but was badly injured by corporate greed and stupidity. Now, instead of boldly invading other stadiums, we are left trying to avoid seeing BMO Field turn into "one of those MLS stadiums" we used to smugly mock. Can that magic ever return or has TFC's management done to support what the Ohio State Police used to only be capable of?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The New Soft"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
COLUMBUS: Will Hesmer, Chad Marshall. Tony Tchani
TORONTO: Eric Hassli, Darren O'Dea, Luis SIlva
　
THE ODDS:
- Trillium Cup now used to display hard candies: 2-1
- Crew Stadium police tasers replaced by Nerf darts: 3-1
- Mocking TFC supporter giggles replaced by ambiguous shrugs: 5-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
In order to keep track of emerging football derby rivalries in "The New World", FIFA created an alert system based on Scottish football science to track potential crowd disaster - similar to a tornado warning, terror alert or pregnancy test. The "Trillium Cup" was one such categorized derby but as you can see, it has been downgraded as the years have passed:
2008: CELTIC V RANGERS RESERVES LEVEL
2009: HEARTS V HIBERNIAN LEVEL
2010: COWDENBEATH V DUNFERMLINE LEVEL
2011: ELGIN CITY V PETERHEAD LEVEL
2012: TWO DRUNK GUYS NAMED ANGUS FIGHTING OVER A DEEP-FRIED MARS BAR LEVEL
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "CREW CAT INCITES AWAY SUPPORT WITH SECTARIAN FELINE GESTURE"