THE STARTING 11: Events if Toronto FC hosted The Olympics

Why release doves when you have seat cushions?



The 2012 Olympics ended as London waved goodbye to the XXX Olympiad. (How they could have a XXX Olympiad without Joe Cannon is a disgrace) In 2016, British stereotypes will be replaced with Brazilian stereotypes as Rio hosts the next games - bowler hats replaced with thongs; chalky white skin will make way for bronzed tans; Beckham out - 103 year-old Pele in; and whatever the samba equivalent of Pet Shop Boys is. What won't change much are the actual athletic events. There will be the same running, swimming and dressage-ing (?) as usual. Since Toronto will never likely host the games (we will lose to Wichita, Kansas in 2028) we wondered what the events would be if TFC hosted the games at BMO Field instead... aside from the inflated attendance numbers of course...
　
11. Synchronized Dunfields
　
10. 200m ButtyFly
　
9. Don Garber DP Transfer Hurdles
　
8. Men's Parallel Club Escobars
　
7. Winter Events (Cancelled)
　
6. Rhythmic Koevermans
　
5. Modern Fringstathlon
　
4. Preko-MoMan Wrestling
　
3. 10m CONCACAF Diving
　
2. TyKwonHarden
　
1. 5 Year Plan Marathon