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Monday, September 24, 2012

THE MATCHUP (with bonus STARTING 11!): Where ankles fear to tread...

They made Steve Guttenberg... a star!

C.D. AGUILA VS. TORONTO FC
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - GROUP 1

ESTADIO JUAN FRANCISCO BARRAZA - TUESDAY 10PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

THE KICKABOUT:
There are probably few places that injury-riddled/quality-starved TFC would rather travel to right now than Central America - the non-continent where leg bones go to die amongst the divots. Alas, it is a return to the humid climes of Latin America for The Reds as San Miguel, El Salvador’s C.D. Aguila and their wonderfully bizarre Germanic/ Dutch/ Gay Pride/ Stonecutter's Society badge welcome the MLS wooden spooners.

On paper, this should be a match that TFC can win. Aguila are considered the minnow of the group and while TFC needs something of a Santos-imploding miracle to advance in Champions League - this fixture is the obvious "must win". That being said, TFC has been very poor lately (even by Toronto FC standards) and despite Paul Mariner giving a mind-numbing "hats off to the lads" for their apathetic performance against LA - few would be shocked if they tripped up on Tuesday night.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Diablo dos Ankle Bone"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
C.D. AGUILA: Darwin Bonilla, Yaikel Perez, Henry Romero
TORONTO: Reggie Lambe, Ryan Johnson, Luis Silva
 
BONUS! THE STARTING 11: Ways that C.D Aguila is trying to promote TFC's visit

As we know all too well in Toronto, CCL Group Stage matches aren't the easiest of sales. Midweek evening fixtures against clubs that only Wikipedia could love are a challenge for club promotions departments from here to Panama. This of course got us wondering how our opponents from El Salvador would try to advertise to locals in an attempt to see Los Torontos...
 
11. "Watch a team who has met actual David Beckham!"
 
10. "Come for the futbol - stay to see whitey wither in the humidity"
 
9. "Fill the void left by the El Salvadorian Hockey League lockout"

8. "Free Burro Parking!"
 
7. "A manager in shorts! Mucho hilarioso!"

6. "TFC: The "Santa Tecla FC" of MLS"
 
5. "Your only chance to see the legendary Ty Harden"

4. "Toronto - "Dos Equis' Least Interesting Team in the World' 2012"
 
3. "Defeat the Yankee Jackal... ('s harmless neighbour)

2. "Free tossable bags of urine for the kids!"
 
1. "Because Montreal Impact just weren't available"

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "INSULT TO INJURY AS TFC LOSE MATCH - MARINER'S SHORTS KIDNAPPED"



1 comment:

  1. mmmmm, San Miguel. Now I'm thirsty.

    ReplyDelete