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Monday, February 25, 2013

THE STARTING 11: TFC Oscars introductions

Equals the amount of signed TFC players

There are few things as agonizingly long to sit through than a Toronto FC "re-building" process - one of those things may be the Academy Awards. Staying awake through the grueling Oscars ceremony could test the most seasoned veteran of the Five Year Plan (TM). Or even the next Five Year Plan (TM) (Coming to a stadium near you: March 2014). Perhaps Toronto FC, with their scandals, bloated budgets and production delays, and the film industry isn’t all that different after all. We couldn't help but wonder how some of last night's nominees would have been introduced differently if Seth MacFarlane - the inexperienced hosting rookie hired only on a hunch and personality potential - was instead Ryan Nelsen (ahem) and his cohorts from TFC Pictures...
11: "The story of Collin Samuel's arduous career journey, trapped with only baked goods for company... this is… "Life of Pie"
10. "A whimsical animated tale of a stadium bird frozen to her perch only to be brought back to life by mid-summer lightning... "FrankenBitchy"
9. "Part of a mystical trilogy that transfers the wonderful worlds of Canada, Ecuador and er... Utah... "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Joao Plata Trade"
8 "A gripping and harrowing tale of hope in the midst of disaster as we follow a group of people seeking a TFC 2013 Playoff appearance.... ladies and gentlemen.... "The Impossible"
7. "The uplifting story of a man trying to get tactics right while surrounded by years of mental illness... "Shining Light Playbook"
6. "An older gentleman's promise to find a striker by "looking almost exclusively south" turns into a fruitless and frustrating journey in..."Django Unsigned"
5. Ladies and gentleman, performing the theme song to Toronto FC's Opening Day match at Rogers Centre, this is Adele singing... "SkyFail"
4. "In the midst of a revolution, a Frenchman struggles to break free of his chains and the tyranny oppressing him (and his wife)... please welcome the star of "Les Miserables"... Eric Hassli
3. "After hiding out in a Canadian bunker (Rogers Centre) this rag-tag bunch attempt to make their long-rumoured escape to freedom and a new home... Best Picture nominee... "Argo to BMO Field"
2. "And the Oscar for Best Shorts Film... 'Paul Mariner'!"
1. "A minute-by-minute chronicle of a mission doomed to failure from the start - Toronto FC's First Kick in Vancouver is brought to life in Eastern Standard Time... "Zero Dark Six Thirty"

1 comment:

  1. Genius. One of my favourite articles of yours