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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Toronto FC signs Richter, Earthquake-related puns to be made

All bundled up for the overstated Canadian cold... brrrrrrrrrr...

Y-014B - The Yorkies Toronto FC new signing form

Name : Ryan Richter
Club : Charleston Battery
College : La Salle University
Years as a pro : 2
Acquired via : ☐ Trade / ☐ Free Agent / ☑ Waivers / ☐ Coerced out of retirement
Because of interest : □ Montreal signed him / ☐ Stolen from Montreal / ☑ none of the above

Say something nice: Ryan Richter has been biding his time for his breakout move, and this could be it.  A former 5th overall pick of Philadelphia, Richter has been on multiple trials with DC yet couldn’t earn a contract.  With a successful stint with the USL-Pro’s Charleston Battery helping them to a championship, Richter has done enough to impress Nelsen.  I’m sure ex-TFC midfielder, and now former Charleston teammate, Amadou Sanyang (remember him?) will be able to impart some wisdom to Richter regarding the city’s best burrito and craft beer.

If he is half as successful at the wing defender/winger roles that he’s used to, he can be a very valuable tool from the bench - not as a substitute due to injury or poor play, but as a change in strategy.

Adjectives checklist:
☑ Versatile
☐ Creative
☐ Tough
☐ Intelligent
☐ Athletic
☐ Anchor

Overall description:
☐ Greatest [attribute] of the modern era
☐ Experienced [position]
☐ Brings plenty of experience
☑ Long career ahead of him
☐ Highly rated goal poacher
☑ Provides different options from what club currently has

Reason for signing:
☐ Desperate acquisition
☐ Fill the salary cap
☐ Pressure from supporters
☑ Depth
☐ Stop-gap signing until [injured player] returns
☐ Glamour designated player signing for marketing purposes

Nonsensical comedic video tie-in:  

@ignirtoq is filling in for the usual news person. He would've had this up earlier, but had no idea where the form was placed. Note to self: look under "Forms" next time.

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