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Sunday, April 28, 2013

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. NYRB... or aren't we all really here to see Tim Cahill?

Little did I know how prophetic that title would be.

Man, what a long day.  First off, my fiancé and I sat through 80 minutes of the dullest theatre, then we took off for an eleven course meal in Markham where we sat in traffic for close to an hour and a half due to traffic.  It is currently 12:07am the next morning, and I sit here to write a match report outlining some of that very theatre.

There wasn't much to take optimistically from Wednesday's V-Cup of reserve-on-reserve action except that under little pressure to perform and succeed, Bostock can be creative and fun to watch.

To the four regular readers, please allow this report to be an opportunity to relive that horror of Saturday afternoon that was...

*dun dun dunnnnnnn*

Starring XI:
Richter - Agbossoumunde - O'Dea - Morgan
Lambe - Silva - Hall - Ephraim
Braun - Earnshaw

On to the match...

11' - SUB - Braun, a.k.a. the Narcissist, a.k.a. the Brass Bullet, a.k.a. Koevers Light, a.k.a. 4%, comes out due to injury and is replaced by Wiedeman.

28' - Should a game start out this slow?

32' - The Zambian Prince, Earnshaw, tries to catch Robles off his line and chips him but doesn't miss by much.

37' - Something witty here.

39' - GOAL - Ball tapped across the face of goal by Steele, dummied by Henry, and poked in by Tim Cahill

45' - Espindola loses Agbossoumunde with a nifty move and has a go, but Bendik dives to get his palm on it slowing it down, then cleared to safety by Richter.

Half Time mood : Bored.  Seriously, my fiancé BBM'd me during the game to state that she should've brought her crocheting so she would have something interesting to do.  Hell, I should've let her so she could show me something

45' - SUB - Bostock on for Ephraim.  Believed to be an injury.

58' - Free kick from Bostock gets to Lambe, who then over thinks everything and skies the ball way over the bar.

62' - Silva has a half-powered attempt at goal.  At least someone is trying.

66' - Seriously, I love making random quotes about Super Troopers and 80's pop songs, but if this is the only way I take notes, there's a problem.

69' - Richter catapults a throw-in, the ball finds Earnshaw and he struggles to get enough power behind the shot, easily saved by Robles.

79 - SUB - Osorio comes on for Wiedeman.  OK, huh?

83' - GOAL - We're all awake!  Long free kick finds its way to Osorio after Robles misplays it from way off his line, Osorio, turns a defender around and just has a go - chipping it over out of position Robles, under the crossbar and behind the goal line.  Wow.

85' - Still plenty of time for Toronto to crap the bed, right?  Right.

89' - GOAL - Henry crosses the ball and Cahill gets up in the air to head it past Bendik.  Agbossoumonde was marking him but caught not jumping and was made to look terrible for it.

Man of the Match : Ummm... Hall.  Sure.  I guess.  He wasn't crap.

Goat of the Game : Shit I don't know...

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5.  Let the game go, and I'm not sure he issued a single card.  Also, he may have been bored too and slowing it down meant the game went longer.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I... I don't know what to say here.  You're only limited to three substitutions and two were used on injuries.  The last one was a telling tale of how unimpressive that player was.  I mean, if you have to substitute a substitute... that's rough.  Does Nelsen try the hair dryer treatment at half?  Caffeine in the orange slices?  Physical and emotional abuse to kick-start the emotion in the match?  If I were the gaffer, I would have drunk alone after the match.

Kit Spotting : We saw a Dortmund kit with Lewindowski on the back (how convenient), and two Sunderland kits together.  Sunderland wins.

Quote of the Match :
Let's go fuckin' riot!
~ bearded hipster in sunglasses and a Jays cap. 
That's nearly 30% of the Toronto male 18-35 demographic
described in meticulous detail at the end of the match.

Holy crap where to begin?  OK, Richter, you've got a nice throw-in, but why is it, you can beat a defender then flop to the ground as if the ball tackled you?  Stand up!... Bostock, you have absolutely ZERO confidence when taking on players.  Nil.  Going head to head with Olave, yes, that is a good idea not to deal with him, but other wingers?  If there was a statistic I would love to know, what was the percentage of time where running with the ball was in the wrong direction?... Wiedeman, SHOOT!  You're a damn forward... Earnshaw had terrible opportunities but took them as best as he could.  That being said, I will not be surprised if the way to shut Toronto down is to man mark Earnshaw all match... am I insane or was the overwhelming majority of the game played in that quarter of the pitch that could be described as 'New York's side of half, but well in front of the 18 yard box'?... It's now 1:13am and I can still channel rage with the frustration of that match and that was after an absurd amount of dinner.  Eleven courses is too many, superstition be damned!  Dammit I wanna go to bed.

One nugget of news we've overlooked was the announcement of Tim Lieweke as the President of MLSE.  A primer as who this guy is can be summed up as "the guy who ran AEG when AEG owned 7 of the 10 league clubs".  His signing cannot be a negative.  At least Anselmi will no longer be the spineless question-dodging yes man at the top.  Obligatory "we welcome our new overlords" type gag here.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Richter 6, Agbossoumunde 6, O'Dea 6.5, Morgan 6, Lambe 6, Silva 6, Hall 6, Ephraim [Bostock 5.5], Braun N/A [Wiedeman 5.5 {Osorio 7}] Earnshaw 6.7

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