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Monday, June 24, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Signs that you're at a Toronto FC supporter's wedding

"No Collin - they're plastic!"

A long-term commitment full of struggle, some heartache and a constant test of wills. Brief flashes of exhilaration that make you remember why you entered the relationship in the first place. No we aren't talking about being a TFC Season Ticket Holder; we speak of the love that dares to speak its name... marriage. To our married friends... we pity salute you. To our single friends... enjoy watching the game in your underwear, happily eating Kraft Dinner out of the pot you glorious bastards keep searching for love. Single or other, you may very well be invited to a wedding ceremony or two this summer but how can you tell if you have stumbled into a TFC supporter's day of reckoning magical day?
11. The vows include the words "Through all the highs and lows!" (CLAP. CLAP.)
10. The groom keeps referring to the marriage as a "5 Year Plan"
9. During speeches, the father of the bride says "It's not so much losing a daughter, as it is gaining an interim son-in-law"
8. People keep calling the bridal gown "the alternate white kit"
7. The stripper at the previous night's stag party looked way too much like Nick Soolsma
6. After accepting the ring, the bride makes dramatic cheque signing motion to the groom
5. The open bar is still charging $12 for a beer
4. Maid of Honour salaciously called "best finisher in the modern era"
3. Collin Samuel has just eaten the mini bride and groom topper off of the cake
2. The Best Man is on loan from QPR
1. The wedding band? Tribal Rhythm Nation.

1 comment:

  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.