THE MATCHUP: Motley welcome Crew

Rumour: Tommy Lee to TFC as a goalpost

 

TORONTO VS. COLUMBUS

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 2PM ET
TV: TSN 2 (Afternoon deuce-light)

THE KICKABOUT:
No major changes, no goals in over five hours of play, no wins at home for well over a year. We do however have a middle-age man in casual dress slacks walking a largely uninterested bird to the midfield where they stand awkwardly for a couple of minutes while fans look away in uncomfortable embarrassment for all involved to the strains of AC/DC. Did we mention "Chinese Heritage Day"? Can you feel the passion?

Honestly, there is very little to say here (sorry Alvaro Rey... even with you) that most of you haven't heard for the meaty part of a decade. Columbus Crew, defeatless (we know) at BMO Field in nine visits brings their travelling yellow roadshow in a fixture we're supposed to get real worked up about. Apparently. A fake derby, for a fake cup under clouds of fake transfer rumourage. So pretty much like every TFC v Crew fixture since 2008. 

Paging Dr. Feelgood.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The New Soft"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Same ones from the last two matches.
COLUMBUS: Federico Higuain, Chad Marshall, Tony Tchani

THE ODDS:
- Pretty much the same as 2007-2009: 2-1
- Pretty much the same as 2010-2012: 2-1
- Exactly like the rest of 2013: EVENS

 

WHO ARE YA?
This fixture has never been without controversy. Invading bus loads, religious urination, tased bro's, xenophobia and that dodgy Filet-O-Fish I ate at the McDonald's just off the interstate. This round is no different as news is just coming in from Canada Border Services that one of the three construction workers on Crew's badge has been detained at the border. Steve "Guy on the Left" Kaplowski is being held under Section 14 of the Canada Floral Protection Act. MLS officials have yet to rule whether Columbus can activate a reserve construction worker to complete their "world renowned" logo before the match.

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TORONTO 0 - NIKKI SIXX"