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Thursday, July 25, 2013



He is a winger from Seville. Figaro. Figaro.

While this may not be the Spanish-speaking droid you were looking for, Toronto FC (former long-distance mistress of Diego Forlan) has signed 24-year old wide midfielder Alvaro Rey. The winger, whose name translates to "The King of Dudes Named Alvaro" has spent much of the summer on trial with The Reds but they unceremoniously let him go a few weeks ago. But now he's back! Why it's almost like he was the 7th best signing option but 1 through 6 fell through! Exciting times.

Rey has mostly toiled in the Spanish 2nd Division, and lower, most recently suffering back-to-back relegations with clubs Gimnastic and Xerex. And for those who were excited that TFC had actually bought a Spanish Xerox machine - we are sorry to bear bad tidings.

Rey's scoring record in the nether regions of Spanish football can best be described as "recorded". Unconfirmed scouting reports call him "The Andalusian Reggie Lambe" but as our subscription to "Segunda Division B Weekly" has run out, we will have to reserve judgement until we actually watch him lose with his new teammates.

You have to pity the young "King of Dudes Named Alvaro". He may feel the very unfair glare of BMO Field's great unwashed who have been force fed on a month's worth of generally overzealous Diego Forlan rumours only to be presented with the scraps off of Xerex's table. The palpable frustration may very well be vented upon his inevitable missed passes and errant shots on goal.

To paraphrase former QPR defender Ryan Nelsen: "Frightening".


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