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Saturday, July 20, 2013

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto S.S.R. vs New York... or The Will Of The People Will Not Break (but continue to bend unnaturally)

Today is glorious day for people's Republic of Torontonia. We will see the destruction of our foreign bourgeois oppressors, American Bulls. The evil capitalists will surely fall under the mighty fist of the Red Army. The struggle of the Torontonian peoples will see reward for their sacrifice.

Comrade Henry returns from banishment after elite system punished him with disrespectful "red" card for sacrificing himself for the good of the people. Cosmonaut Agbossoumonde is resting but is willing to fight, even if oppressors admonish him with "red" card of his own eventually.

On with the vanquishing of our foes:

3' - Comrade Josef Bendik makes a save worthy of the people's adulation as he prevents American Bull & French traitor Henri from scoring.  Josef Bendik is given Hero of Socialist Labour award.

12' - Bolshevik spies prevent a well constructed goal from the heart of the working class.  Convey slots a ball through to Morgan, who crosses and finds patriot Brockie, but corrupt bourgeois officiating denies the will of the people due to offside.

15' - Fearing that their cover may be revealed, the 'white' officiating correctly calls the illegal goal which Cahill propagated by standing in an offside position to head past Josef Bendik.

Half-Time Mood : Content that the communist system is for the good of its people and progress is made through hard work for the good of all.  Long live the People's Republic of Torontonia!

52' - Braun, for a brief moment of clarity, plays the ball to Laba who loses the foreign capitalists but not attempting to shoot, lays it off to Osorio who should have shot it first time, like an execution of a traitor, but loses his focus and the attempt was for naught.

73' - True red Eckersley breaks free from the shackles of imperialism and fires for the glory of the people, but is deflected by Holgersson, forcing New York keeper Robles to out-strech his greedy hand to prevent the inevitable victory of the proletariat.

88' - SUB - Lambe joins the war against the facists at the expense of Braun.

3 minutes of necessary time as orchestrated by the 'white' officials

Conclusion of the Struggle : Toronto 0, New York 0

Labourer of the Match : Most glorious award goes to Comrade Matvei Laba for tireless work against the class struggle.

Shame of the People : Justin Braun showed most difficulty in working as hard as the collective.  Sent to gulag for re-education (translation: Loaned to USL-Pro Harrisburg City)

Judgement of the Bolshevik Officiating : 4 out of 5.  Though clearly influenced by their capitalist greed and desire for power, they let the match play on and did not impose their will on the people.  The score may be generous, but this score is reflective of other facist officials in the league, rather than the qualified officials that we can only dream of.

Uniform Recognition : Our surefire winner was a Tranmere Rovers kit over in section 119, however leaving the ground, Greenock Morton kit was spotted.  Tough break for Tranmere, as we were sure that was it.

If I May Be So Bold To Impose My Suggestions On To Our Generalissimus : Braun is disgrace to whole proud nation.  His lack of inner strength and discipline might have seen him off sooner in the struggle against our foreign invaders.  Understanding that we are limited with the resources at hand, Wiedeman could not have fared much worse.

Player Rating Bendik 6.5, Eckersley 6, Caldwell 6, Henry 6, Morgan 6.5, Osorio 6.5, Hall 6, Laba 7, Convey6.5, Brockie 6, Braun 5.5 [Lambe Nyet]. 

Thanks to @RedWineRoz for the photo.

Comrade @ignirtoq just read A LOT about communism on Wikipedia, and though he's pro-union, he's not about to give up his life to work the fertile soils for the good of the republic. This gag was a culmination of our retro-kit soviet style from earlier this year and the Leiwike interview where he mentions about how the Red Army has shrunk.


  1. Those strips are classic . . . where can I get one?

  2. Thanks man. Coming soon. We're planning on taking custom orders for them. Real life is occupying enough time, but we will offer them up soon.

    1. Looking forward to it. I can support the cause with my comrades from Section 111.

  3. Stirring stuff comrade. The Red Army may dwindle, but the hardy scribes still observe the battle and urge a change of tactics when required. Remember that no army can beat us in the winter....

    1. good point. what dates does the mls season run to and from?

      aaaaaaaaaaaawwwww nuts.