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Monday, July 15, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Other Toronto FC uses for Allocation Money

Meanwhile... deep below BMO Field...

It's the latest gag sensation at Toronto FC - not that they really needed new ones - Kevin Payne and his Scrooge McDuck lovin' for some good old American Cheddar aka Allocation Money. The image of a tiny Kevin sitting atop an ever growing cartoon pile of gold coins is a delicious one while the term "Allocation" has now become part of your average TFC fan's daily parlance. While a healthy allocation fund can be put to good use in MLS, many are holding their breath to see just how TFC will parlay this booty. However, for those of you expecting it to be splashed out on the likes of superstar Roger Milla, it may in fact be put towards other club expenses...

11. Paying the import taxes on the giant "Bon Voyage" Toblerone bar bought for Stefan Frei

10. Covering the expense from the Ontario government's oppressive Daytime Pyrotechnics Tax

9. Giving away thousands of free tickets to the Roma friendly won't be cheap you know!

8. Should have never agreed to pay Gale Agbossoumonde per letter

7. Commissioning Canadian music legend Burton Cummings to finally pen a second verse to "The Dichio Song"

6. Settling "The Butty Incident" out of court

5. Jim Brennan's "Contract For Life" doesn't pay itself!

4. Still imaginarily paying off Dwayne De Rosario's imaginary cheque

3. Stocking up on tons of Vidal Sassoon shampoo and conditioner in preparation for Diego Forlan's arrival

2. Keeping that diva Bitchy The Hawk rich in rare Baltic beluga caviar, Courvoisier cognac and cocaine

1. Revolving door maintenance costs

Minute 24 at BMO Field will be so mellow...

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