Wow, those new Californian marriage laws are VERY liberal!
CHIVAS USA VS. TORONTO
STUBHUB CENTER(!!!) - WEDNESDAY 10:30PM ET
TV: TSN2 (The Late Night Deuce)
THE KICKABOUT:
This is what it sounds like when doves die. Two clubs, two grand experiments in expansion science... two of the league's biggest lemons.
Firstly the hosts Chivas USA (apparently a terrible embarrassment but 1 point better than TFC presently) - a club created to capitalize on the Los Angeles area's monumental Hispanic population. A great idea in principle... except the part where they forgot that all Mexicans don't support Chivas Guadelajara and the ones that do, only want to watch... erm... Chivas Guadalajara. Akin to naming Toronto FC "Manchester United Toronto", the club shot themselves in the foot immediately and are still limping their way slowly to another city.
Speaking of TFC, it was in the expansion round after Chivas USA that the idea to capitalize on North Mexican's (aka Canadians) love for the soccerpuck that The Reds were born. Since The Goats had already effed up their club through poor branding, TFC would have to find a different way to eff themselves in the effer. That's called 2007-2013. And counting.
So what happens when two different flavours of mistake meet on the pitch? We are thinking some kind of Mediocre Supernova. God help the 17 people in attendance. And the 17 watching on TV from Toronto.
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"El Crapico"
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
CHIVAS USA: Eric Avila, Dan Kennedy, Jorge Villafana
TORONTO: Jeremy Brockie, Steven Caldwell, Matias Laba
THE ODDS:
- The highest scoring match in MLS history: 20-1
- The lowest scoring match (-2) in MLS history: 20-1
- Attendance ranging between 20-1: 2-1
WHO ARE YA?
The Maracana, Wembley, The Bernabeu... The StubHub Center. LA's hallowed football ground is home to both Chivas USA and LA Galaxy with the former having their offices located in the stadium's infamous "Latin Quarter". The Goats have tried to aid their struggling attendance numbers by counting actual goats who roam in to graze on the pitch at halftime as well as people who may have once briefly thought about coming to a match. Possibly when drunk.
The newly re-branded stadium is located in Carson, CA - a suburb of Los Angeles that was founded in the early 1970's by guests of "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" who had been bumped from the show. On the banks of the Joan River, modern Carson is a vibrant community and home to The Ed McMahon Library & Bar, The Doc Severinsen Philharmonic Orchestra and a statue commemorating Tiny Tim's wedding.
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "REDS CONTINUE TO BLOW GOATS"
Posts
Eric Avila no longer plays for this Chivas. He was sold to Chiva Guadalareja.
ReplyDeleteNot according to the Chivas USA website - he seems to be preparing to meet TFC:
Deletehttp://www.cdchivasusa.com/news/2013/07/avila-recibe-rival-conocido
Hola hombres...
DeleteThanks to both of you. Avila was in fact on trial in Mexico in June and while he may still have a future with the parent club, he returned to Chivas USA in early July and is expected to play out at least the rest of the year at the world famous StubHub Center.
Gracias!
You forgot to set odds on Eric Avila scoring against TFC: 8-5.
ReplyDeleteI'll take it as long as his celebration involves all his teammates pretending to slap him.
Delete#LikeASonThatNeedsASlap
"The Maracana, Wembley, The Bernabeu... The StubHub Center. LA's hallowed football ground is home to both Chivas USA and LA Galaxy"
ReplyDeleteNo joke, during the first MLS Cup played at the then Home Depot Center (2003?) I distinctly remember one of the commentators saying "this is it, this is ours, we now have our American Wembley." I'm gonna just take a guess and say it was Lalas.
No Goats, no glory!
Did you know you can shorten your links with Shortest and make dollars for every visitor to your shortened urls.
ReplyDelete