THE MATCHUP: Friday Night Blights

RUMOUR: Crazy Mouse to TFC

 

TORONTO VS. NEW ENGLAND

　

BMO FIELD - FRIDAY 7PM ET

TV: SPORTSNET ONE

THE KICKABOUT:

As if the eternally screaming tannoy, ear-cringing racket of promotional thunderstickery, live musical patio cacophony and doofuss-baiting shirt cannons aren't enough to Yankee-fy the TFC "match-day experience" - we have been gifted a Friday night fixture. Like a middle finger with "High School USA" written down the middle, we trudge through the CNE on a day never meant for (real) football. The "passion" couldn't be at lower ebb.

Having this fixture during the CNE also drives home another very raw point - summer is ending and TFC has not improved to any meaningful level nor do they look all that poised to tackle 2014. Even Kevin Payne seems to have tempered his optimism that the revolution (not Revolution) will be realized, as quoted in this article that "We want to be a playoff team next year, 2015 by the latest...". Wow, aiming high there chief. After a poor draft, a transfer window high on talk/low on quality and the reality that winter only makes available the likes of the Robert Earnshaws of the world, the Food Building isn't the only thing causing nausea on the Exhibition Grounds.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The Exhibitionist"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Ashtone Morgan, Alvaro Rey

NEW ENGLAND: Diego Fagundez, Andrew Farrell, Jose Goncalves

THE ODDS:

- Maxi Urruti getting a full 90 Minutes: 10-1

- Maxi Urruti getting a 45 Minute run-out: 5-1

- Maxi Urruti standing in line at the Polar Express during match: 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

Every year, TFC supporters have to trek through the madness that is the Canadian National Exhibition for at least one corndog-scented fixture. This year, the CNE has been dogged by food violations and worse - bouts of gastroenteritis in patrons. TFC would like to remind fans that none of their concessions have fallen prey to the CNE-bug however and the following food stands have been added to handle the Food Building's overflow:

- "JIMMY B'S 'HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE SIR'?"

- "5 YEAR SLOW PULLED PORK"

- "MARK BLOOM'S ONION"

- "COLLIN SAMUEL EATS YOUR PIE"

- "CHEF KEV'S 'GET USED TO EAT'"

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TFC FANS AVOID FOOD BUILDING - STILL END UP VOMITING"

And... since we have no choice....