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Sunday, September 1, 2013

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v New England... or Even when they earn the points, the officials take them away...

Ah the annual tradition of the Canadian National Exhibition and Toronto Football Club : two misnomers in one location. Nothing "national" about the CNE and the "football", well [Too easy. You're better than that ~ Ed.]

We can assure you that nobody from the TFC front office gave us an audience, but some others were.  What came of it was news that there was money approved for a big move.  And it was big.
$25 million for a DP? Let's put this in *cough* proper football parlance, shall we?  What can £15.3 million get us in the open market? 1/6 of Gareth Bale? Luis Suarez? 4 Landycakes? Schweinsteiger? Hell, the Colorado Rapids, RSL and San Jose? I got a novel idea, poach Wondolowski and spend the other $22.5 million on someone else?!?

Anyways, Toronto are all about exhibitions now since they're all but out of the post season (perhaps mathematically they're still alive, I'll check when we're close). No more Laba this season, Koevermans is likely done as a Robin (if the speculations have any merit). Thank the footballing gods there's no relegation, right fellas? 

Onto the match.

2' - GOAL - Fagundez (watch your mouth) found open near the back post and pokes it in.  Counter allowed Rowe to run half the length of the pitch, and no Toronto player successfully managed to nick the ball from him.  Hard to know whether it was appropriate to shrug or eye roll.

5' - "Super Pickle" Joe Bendik makes a tremendous leaping stop.  Fantastic stuff.

14' - Earnshaw turns and fires just wide of the post.

45' - GOAL - After a strange bout of pinball from a free kick, it somehow lands at the foot of Weideman, turns and buries it.  Ladies and gentlemen, he's already been named Man of the Match.  Candidate for player of the year.

Half-Time mood : Frustrating.  They're playing well but not finishing, they're defending is spotty but lucky.

50'-68' - I looked at the clock every 30 seconds.  So boring... terrible.

78' - SUB - Urruti makes his home debut for Toronto, coming on for Earnshaw

Quote of the match :
Why haven't you scored yet, you spindly fuck?
~ @hitchorado four seconds into Urruti's debut

87' - SUB - Rey comes on and Sir Reginald Lambe (of the Bermudan Lambes) comes off.

88' - Free kick from Convey sees Caldwell get up with his back to goal and heads it into the low far corner, but somehow the ref sees a foul and squashes it.  Toronto deserved that goal and all the points.

Full Time : Toronto 1, New England 1

Man of the Match : Andrew Weideman

Goat of the Game : Nobody was particularly terrible.

Ref Rating : 1 out of 5.  A good game but a TERRIBLE call at the death.  Caldwell's goal was good.

Kit Spotting : In one building, saw a guy walking around with a Karpaty Lviv home kit.  Yeah, go ahead.  Beat that.  I dare you.

Toronto was far from perfect tonight, but they were far more effective than New England was.  Reis had an easy night given how much of the match was controlled by Toronto.  Many of the Robins have a fear of shooting the damn ball, save Osorio and Earnshaw.  On more than one occasion in this match (really could be any match), players who should have had a go from the edge of the box, decided to take a few more steps only to have their clear chance taken away from a closed down defender.  Stop being scared and fire the damn ball.

And now, an open letter to Mr. Joe Bendik:

Dear sir,

What the hell is with the blue kit?  We developed this positive persona of "Super Pickle" based on the green kit and ever since then, you've been wearing the blue one.  We are deeply sad.  Out of everyone on this team, you are our MVP.  You are on the cusp of greatness, just embrace your inner 'super pickle'.  This team needs gimmicks and personality and songs about individual players that are beyond "ole, ole, [name of player here] ole".  Be our hero.  Be our super pickle.

Warmest regards,

The Yorkies.

And now, an open letter to Mr. Ryan Nelsen:

Dear sir,

We would like to express our concern with the situation regarding Stefan Frei.  For all of the problems, historically, Toronto FC has had with flaky talent and suspect acquisitions, we have had an embarrassment of riches in the goalkeeper department.  One season, we had SIX keepers, and they were all ranging from average to excellent.

Stefan Frei has been a stalwart in some of the darkest times (which to be fair, have been most of them).  He does not deserve to be on the bench all this time.  Here is what we propose: Bring Mr. Bendik into the office.  Offer him a 30% raise (which he deserves, I was personally thinking 60% but what do I know) and a new contract and then explain to him that he is to be used sparingly for the remainder of the season.  Then explain to him that Frei will start from here on in to gain him some exposure.  It is difficult to sell or trade a player that has seen extremely limited action in over a year.  Frei also deserves the club's support to help him regain his career.  Toronto is all but out of post season.  Do the man a kindness.  He's a class act and deserves that much.

Warmest regards,

The Yorkies.

Player Ratings : Bendik 7, Eckersley 6.5, Henry 6, Caldwell 6, Morgan 6.5, Lambe 6 [Rey N/A], Osorio 6, Hall 6, Convey 6.5, Earnshaw 6 [Urruti N/A], Wiedeman 8ish.

@ignirtoq would like to profusely apologize for the untimeliness of this report but blames the 3 post match ciders and a dead phone hampering his productivity.  Man those ciders were tasty.  As a reward for finally writing this, he may go have one right now.

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